Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am currently in a very awkward situation…and trying to see where to head…please help.

Before our marriage, my hubby was head hunting gurls like any other guy would do in arranged match. Later on he decided on me. For almost 1 year- we were getting adjusted with each other etc and once the one year mark was over- in one of our arguments, he confessed that he also saw my sis-in law(bro’s wife) as a prospective match. It shattered me thoroughly but didn’t show my feelings to anyone. Though it was difficult to digest for me that his family refused my own sis-inlaw but then I threw off the thought thinking that was a past and present is different. Not long ago- did my inlaws have started pushing my own parents to give my sis-inlaws parents contact details to them. My parents also felt a lil off about it and shared their thoughts with me. My relation with my inlaws are not that good either. My parents are unaware of the fact that their daughter-in-law was seen their son in law (my hubby) sometime back. Why would my hubby’s parent want to see my sis-in-law’s family now? Shall I talk to my hubby? Why do they even want to make contact!! I have never spoken about this to anyone, not even my own bro or sis-inlaw, as they are leading a very nice life. Please help me! Am I thinking about too much. Any kind of help wil be highly appreciated…
The One replied. I am right now sitting in my office and laughing my butt off. You have some issues woman. What in the world are you eating? Not only you but all the other people who are giving you advise without knowing anything not to give contact information of your sister-in-law’s parent. Lol.

You mentioned you live in US, your brother and sister-in-law are in Europe and your parents are in India. It is so obvious that both your in-laws and your sister-in-law’s parents have some common friend or they want to set up a meeting for someone in their family with anyone in your sister-in-law’s family. Please explain me how in the name of Zeus’s butt hole they are going to break up your brother’s marriage life where he lives in Europe and set your sister-in-law with your husband?

You and all other member who said something is fishy have some issues for thinking this hard. It is so obvious that they have someone in common or they have something to ask or inquire about and your sister-in-law’s family is the source. Stop thinking and making your husband’s life as hell. Go to him and apologies for this idiotic thought in your mind.

I hope you get this craziness out of your head. If your relationship with your in-laws are not good doesn’t mean they will try to break your marriage. I have seen so many families where they are not getting along with daughter-in-law. But the relationship between their son and daughter-in-law is good and they have really good understanding they don’t bother too much.

Stop stressing too much, keep your attitude positive and you will have one happy and fun marriage life and hopefully better communication with your in-laws.

Good luck.

p.s Good words Sandya! sandya replied. Rakhi,
Think and think hard and think some more. I read a lot of other posts and i think you are getting rotten advice in asking you to pursue this with your husband. If you show yourself to be vulnerable and insecure then everyone else is only going to take advantage of you. Your issue is not anything that you should concern yourself so much about it. So what, if your husband considered your sil before he saw you. It didn' t work out and that' s all that matters now in the present. So what, if your in-laws want to meet with her parents...maybe they liked them enough to keep in touch. c' mon...think about it. it' s really no big deal.

Don' t think about unnecessary things and spoil your head. Just go to the nearest public library and borrow some nice books to read. Keep yourself busy to keep away from boredom. Good luck. Rakhi replied. Thanks everyone. It is heart warming to see all your replies.

After reading your posts, I spoke with my hubby. He feels that I am thinking too much on a very small issue. He says that his parents are practical and they might not even think about the past now. He said that it is buried so let it remain as that. When I counter asked him- that I don’t see any point or reason that his parents should be contacting my sis-in-law’s family. Usually these are sensitive relations and any way people tend to step a lil away. But he denies all these facts making me feel that I am too emotional and unnecessary getting bothered by thinking on such trivial things. He also felt bad saying that by bringing things, I am trying to make him feel bad and guilty by probing the past and brining it forward indirectly. Bottom-line- he doesn’t see things from my perspective. When I spoke to my parents, they have already given the contact info to my IL’s. Yeah- I am worried coz my parents don’t know about anything about the past. Touchwood- my mom loves my SIL and I don’t want to bring any such indifferences between them as well as I know my mom- she is too emotional and it would break her heart incase she comes to know about the proposal info btw my hubby n SIL.


Regarding Swa queries- I am in US, my parents n IL’s are in India, my bro in Europe. Relations wid my elder bro n me are good and yes I can talk to him but I fear coz I respect him a lot. SO I am not sure if I wud be comfy to talk to my bro since it might disrespect my hubby and his family too. Do you still think I shld talk to my bro? Yes, I am working – thankfully and thanks a lot for your wishes and advise. I will surely keep all of that in mind.

I really cant thank enuff!!
Ritu replied. Dear Rakhi,

Be firm and take a bold step and ask your hubby what is goin on... he must be surely knowing what his parents intentions r to meet ur sis in law' s parents....this is kinda of weird....dont delay the matter.. the more u delay the more things can cant out of hand....I mean how long can your parents also prolong this issue by not giving them the contact info... taking in consideration of all this I suggest that you should go ahead and talk to ur hubby.... Take care and good luck... swa replied. Dear Rakhi,

What you are facing is as much to do with the peace and tranquility of your brother' s life as much it is yours. You may not be able to control too much of your part, but you MUST surely act to save your brother' s and his wife' s life as much as you can. Call up your brother and share with him every detail that you can and in turn let him take care of the talking part with his in laws to stop this advance of a married man(your H) and his parents to a family of a married woman(your brother' s W). Talk to him while your H is at work as well as your brother away from his wife. If speaking over phone is difficult have an sms chat or e-mail, but do not delay having a straight and open talk to your brother, I hope you share that mutual trust and confidence with your brother.

Apart from this interference your have not talked of the relationship and the other problems you share with your H and in-laws. How long are you married now? Just that one year? Do you have kids? Do you work? In India? It appears your marriage is not going well enough and your In-Laws also share the feelings of your husband! This can make things complicated fast and stress you up very badly all on a sudden. Take precautions/protections. Do talk here in the Board, seek opinions of people but choose your options yourself very carefully.

Wish you strength, courage and a cool mind to deal with the evil designs. X2 replied. I think yr hubby' s parents want to meddle..Dont let them..Dont give yr sis-in-law' s contact info to them...

Just point blank, ask them why they need it? and if they insist on it then just brush it off saying you forgot to ask.

It does seem a little suspicious. Dont give out too much info needlessly.