Relationships  Discussion Forum

Few thoughts on Mamas Boys ....

I feel Sons staying far away from Mothers usually who settle abroad are very close to Moms ...

Want to share my personal experience...

Me and my hubby are working and stay in India ...But my BIL who is also married stay in USA. My Inlaws stay in Place X some 6 hours from our place.

Though my hubby is eldest and stays closer to inlaws place he is not very close to his Mom .. He is more matured and balanced types when it comes to maintaining relationships. His priorities are clear .. His work ..his family (which means Me and My son ) and then everything else. So though it makes my inlaws a little sour at heart, but atleast its clear what they can expect. My hubby considers the 3 of us as one unit (he , me and our son) and his parents as another unit and his brother and his wife as 3rd unit and is quiet sensible when it comes to passing info from one unit to another. He believes in keeping finances seperate. He never tells indepth details of our money and never expects to know abt their finances from his brother or dad. But at the same time if something is really worth investing he will definitely suggest it to his brother. and they have very friendly relationship with each other.
Same holds for his parents too .. He respects them and cares for them, takes care of their medical expenses etc but doesnt go that extra mile to pamper them !


On the other hand my BIL is very pampering types. He calls his mom everyday and tells everything from what they did that day to what they ate etc He in detail tells what they shopped for .. Which friend came home and what they talked everything.

I am not so sure how much my Cosister is comfortable with all this .. thats a diff topic.

Now I know my BIL from the time he was single and staying in India .. He was never this type. Infact I have heard my MIL complaining that he never calls .. and attimes she doesnt even know his whereabouts.

So why this sudden change ?

I think he feels guilty of staying far away from them ...May be he thinks after marriage it was his duty to be there with his parents .. So he tries to compensate that by extra pampering. By telling them everything so they feel involved. Its to the extent they even have joint accounts.

How does this influence my MIL ? Is he doing good ? In what way ?

1) His extra pampering his mom is making her feel he is the only son who cares for her .. So attimes she makes comments or gets cold towards my hubby !! But luckily I have grown beyond all this and it has stopped effecting me either way. I have crossed that age and that phase .. Now my focus is my son ..his education ..my hubby .. his health .
2) I feel it will only make my MIL less adjusting with other ppl . Bcoz she wants to be treated in a certain way by everyone .. She wants ppl to always listen to her .. She wants to be pampered everywhere ! Which is practically impossible which makes her upset and angry and she starts complaining.

So I think its time my BIL or ppl like him start thinking is it right to unreasonably pamper their mothers as if they are 3 yr old kids ??

Its time they really think ....
Devrani replied. Another DIL, your message could have easily been written by my Jethani. My husband goes out of his way to pamper his parents too. Once getting married his elder brother moved out of his parents house. My husband has always felt that the elder brother had abandoned the family. He remembers what it felt like when he left. So now, to compensate for his brother, he goes out of his way to pamper his parents so they don' t feel abandoned by him also. Of course, his parents understand this well and use this to their advantage whenever they can. I feel sorry for my husband, because he has to suffer due to his elder brother' s actions. Prema replied. I agree with another DIL. This post is about unnecessary pamparing, which can lead to problems for other females in the family. If you see my post-conflict, I have mentioed my SIL who is going thru same thing, her husband is only mamas boy.She doesnt exist in the house, its only his mom, even though they live in USA, MIL comes and stays every 6 months.And instead of being a help, she is becoming a nuisance due to unnecessary pampering. So I went to take SILs side as she was about to leave, but now they r accusing me that I am the one spoiling all relations! Whereas my husband knows very well, where things are going wrong, and my husband doesnt pamper his mother so much, so this time MIL didnt even visit our place even though we too r in USA.Because she expects all her sons to pamper her the same way as mu BIL does.Now this sure is a big problem and someone needs to oppose this. friend replied. In My case it is same as your BiL. we live in U.S but my husband call his parents and tells everything I mean everything. They know his earning where he spend how much and how much he has in bank.first when I got married I was shocked little irritaed, now I am used to it, I know he is not going to change and yes nothing is secret in our house. I never talk freely about my family or other matter in my home that he will tell his parents about that.we live in apt, so whenever we change apt he take suggestion from them, they always come here(every year) for six month, so they give the suggestion.It is annoying. They never ask their son to buy a house coz he will be out of money and who is going to pay for their airfare. I can understand what your SIl must be going through. aishu replied. We live abroad me my husband our daughter(one unit).we consider in-laws as one unit & elder bil as one unit.when it comes bil & family i have had very bad experience with co-sister & mil.Both are like they know everything & everyone else is like out there to learn from them(even if they dont ask for).bil & his unit lives in india & whenever we go to india they lay down plans for in-laws so that we just go to work for them.My mil says that her elder son is very good son he takes care every thing he has done so much even though my husband has given them money for medical,to even to buy house for their other son where as we dont have house of our own.where as her elder son though has house nice job he said he doesnot have much money &said he is giving money from his wifes saving(we all know what it means).mil says when his elder son comes there he sleep away from his wife (he has started doing now thats wat she says) may be she wants us to do that just been married 3 years.my co-sister tries to prove that she is good when we go there. but she never speaks to mil when she talks she never even looks at her.she is from different caste i dont mind but she doesnot know most of our dishes which she herself asked recipe where as my mil says she cooks this that infront of us.now i know wat she does .being good to them making us feel look bad so that we treat her best to hear best i think. but now we just keep our distance because we know her .she stole some rings from the jewellery what we kept with them so we dont trust her now.may be you' s also doing same but dont say all live abroad should learn according to me those who live in india should learn.