Name: Luck
I have been reading a lot about your problems with inlaws etc and feel for alot of you. I have never done anything like this but feel if I put my story down that it may help. It might be long one this so appologies in advance.
I come from a close family, however, my father died when I was 17 which left my mum and 2 other sisters. My older sister got married a year after my fathers death so this only left myself and mum and younger sis. I left my studies and went to work to support us, I do not expect people to feel sorry for me or to think that I am some kind of saint, it is just that I am a practical person and this was what needed to be done at the time. Anway I digress. My younger sister went onto university and then a year after graduation got married. This just left me and mum. During these years my mum and I became very close, best friends infact. Eventual I decided to marry, having not being able to find somone her in the UK I finaly was coaxed into going to India to find a future husband. My first visit/attempt was not successful, my second is when I ment by husband. He in my opionion is very different from most of the men I met in India. Although being the only son and the eldest he had lived away from home for a long time, therefore not close to his parents.
My husband came to England 7 months after we met, we got married here in the UK with all my relatives and friends. My husbands family could not come due to the finances. This is where my story realy begins. The next day after my wedding when we came back from our hotel, I noticed the change in my mum. We were to leave to go on honeymoon that same day and we had a lot of relatives in the house, so I was not able to talk to my mum alone. On return we settled into normal life. My husband and I continued to live with my mum. For the first 2 years my mother had made our lives hell. She has had such emotional breakdowns, to seeing hate in her eyes for me but mostly my husband. He is a good man and no matter what she did he would never say \";right thats enough we are going to leave her\";. It was not that he lived like a what we call \";gar Jamai\"; - a son-in-law living off his inlaws and under the thumb of his wife. He worked ever since he came to this country and has paid his way. My mother has tried telling horrible stories about my DH trying to make me more distant from him. However it has never worked because from the very beggining my husband and I have had a policy, we will never let anyone come between us. Weather this be my family or his. We always talk things through and through out all this pressure we have always said one thing we will always stick together and be strong. For all of my mums efforts, her tantrums and evilness has only made us stronger due to the fact we understand and love each other. It has not been easy after all, she is my mother and I love her dearly. It has now been 4 years and we have a beautiful daughter whom we all love, my mother inluded. Although my husband and I still have problems with my mother somethimes, we still take care of my mum and respect her. My mother has learnt to hold her tongue most of the time. She realises how strong we are together.
I admire my husband for his patients and understanding and for allowing me to continue to be me, an independant working woman who has a responsiblity to take care of her mother. Some of you may ask what about the other two sisters? Well they find it very convinient to dissapper when it comes to taking care of my mother, for they know how difficult she can be, and don't think they could handle her. We feel that it is not worth arguing over and falling out over. It is between them and the almighty God to think weather they are right or wrong to do this. I hope that my daughter will see that taking care of ones elders is rewarding in the end and hope one day she will take care of us, but life brings no gaurantees.
What I suppose the moral of this long tale is, that try to make sure you keep communicating with your husbands/wifes. If you stick together then nothing can bring you down. I think what has helped us, is that we were alot older when we got married, (29). Also my husband is very different from most asian men, he cooks, he helps when is at work that is, around the house. He even helps with our daughter, changing nappies and waking in the night with her. Now he is not perfect (he has a terriable temper) and nor am I, we have arguments just like other couples. However, I thank God for this man and I hope that you all can find a way to stick things out with your husbands and not let interfearing relatives come between you.
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