Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi all,
I am working in a software concern.
At present my husband is in Germany and he wants me to come there.
We also a boy who is one and half years old.
My husband will be staying in germany till october.

But i have to go there i have quit my job since they said it is not possible to give long leave.

I am in total confusion of what to do.
My husband wants me to quit the job and join him.
Purvi replied. Hi Ani,

Do you have option to take leave of absence in your job? My sister is in germany since last 5 years and has a huge indian and german friendcircle. They are in konstanz and bil has started software business of his own. Munich is a bigger city and they also have lots of indians there. Try it out and per my sis, who is completely social by nature, its a nice place to live if you are clear about how much to adopt from a foreign culture. Germans are nice but little reserved initially but again it depends where you go, a town or a city.

Take care

Purvi mini replied. hi ani..i read all replies to ur post..they r giving mixed reactions and may confuse u..:)
well at times it happens that ur ambitions and job satisfaction takes a step over ur mind..i have a 5 month old kid when i was pregnant i got offers from s/w comp. the first break in my life to join a s/w..imagine how thrilled i would have been..i spoke to them abt my pregnancy and they were free to tell me that u first complete ur family project and then contact us..if we would require we will take u..till now i havent contacted them..though i was offered good package..and that would only add up to my savings account but for me my first priority is my kid..for u its ur husband who is missing u...dear..he is missing u ..u r lucky that he is calling u ..may be he needs ur support there..he is definitely feeling lonely there....hey being a wife its ur duty to support him emotionally and physically..pls donn mind but the harsh realities of life are not hidden from any1....if he gets another support..y would he need u....so my suggestion is go ahead..and join him..donn u feel that after so much of hard work u and ur family should spend a quality time together..well..for urself u can try to keep urself engaged there by joining some social groups or enjoy playing with ur kid the whole day and see how satisfying it is....when u both r back u can look for a job and im damn sure that u will get it ' cos u r surely experienced and knowledgable....
lots of luv to u and ur kid S replied. Germany might be a fun place to visit on a short break, but to stay at home for 6 months with a 1 and 1/2 yr old son can get to be depressing especially if you are a social person. Their culture and language are different and I don' t know if there are many Indians there in the particular area. Is your husband a supporting kind in times of emotional need?

I would say, first take a break from work for a short period (a month or so) and see if you can spend another 5 months after that before you make the decision.

If you don' t feel comfortable, come back. Its only a 6 month wait, which would fly in no time.

If your husband misses his family, make sure he talks to you and your son as much as possible over the phone. simple replied. Its not very tough to decide.
If you do not have any break in your career and think that you are fed up with your life and need a break from the routine life than go and enjoy for few months ...don' t think you are doing some kind of sacrifice...just go and live your life.
Tell your company either they should let you go or you will resign. Nowadays its not that much tough to find another job.

But if your career is going gr8 and you are happy with present situation and don' t want long vacation than don' t go.
Simple :-) Smriti replied. I can so much associate with your issue. I have gone thru this one not once but several times. No doubt, it has been tough.

I have to agree with Saheli- who mentioned you to evaluate your priorities and then take a decision. For me - day one after my marriage my priority has been my family although I was pursuing a very successful career in SW field. I recently gave up an opportunity that came up in the same time but coz of crazy and late night hrs, i gave up that job as well. Why? Coz i knew that i wouldn' t have stayed happy not devoting quality time to family *and i don' t have children yet! It does feel bad in the end, but someone in the family has to do it.

For me- my family might be a priority and for you work. Also I noticed that you mentioned till OCT - i guess then you should clearly talk to your husband as getting a new job back again requires a lot of effort, energy and time. If it works out, try and talk to your company and see if they allow telecommuting job or work from home kind of job. If not, then you can negotiate with them and see if they allow you to take vacation for few weeks- and then may be later you can join back.

It always work in compromise- 2 steps you take and let 2 steps your husband take, i.e. - if you get a break and you can only devote 3 -4 weeks, talk it out with him. Ritika replied. Dear X,

I couldnt help but notice the last line you wrote saying that \" family is where BOTH should consider each other' s priorities\" . Her husband is in Germany only till October...why is HE not considering that she might not want to leave her job just to come to germany!!

Something that might have worked for you (i.e. taking a break from work etc) might not work for another lady. She might feel lost with out a job in hand..have you thought of that?

Anyways, I think it would be better if she went on a short leave first to Germany..say 2-3 weeks..she would definitely get an idea of what she wants to do after that...rather than taking a drastic step like resigning from her job, it would be better if she went there for a few days and then decided what she wants to do...

If she wants to resign, she can always do that later on...

x replied. huh

saheli r u some female protagonist..or what.. or some willy who break families...

will say the same thing to ur husband.. dude get lost i am here with my work..

i read your other messages. those are really good and motivating. but that does not mean u shud reply for everything

family is where both should consider each other priorities. i think she should join her huuby and relax for some tiime..
Saheli replied. In such case, I would evaluate my priorities, wishes, aims against available options and practicalities. I wouldnt go for one in bush for the one in my hands. For me a stable life with the kid and good-going job is more important than a temporary shift to a tempting place like Germany.
Take ur call! didi replied. Hi Ani,
My advice would be to quit the job and join him. Since you are working in SW, you can always get a job once u come back. If you ask your company that in case u wont get leave u would quit, may be they can consider giving u leave without pay.
Germany is a nice place, I have been there. You would be enjoying there and your son would also love that. Its a good opportunity to take a break. You are a fortunate one that your husband is asking you to join him and leave the job. You can never get such time back in your life so enjoy. Your family should be your first priority and rest all career,money comes after.

Rest the decision in on you.
Take care.