Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am recently married and we have 2 daughters who are both 5, one from my previous marriage and the other from my husband' s previous marriage. They are close in age and my husband' s daughter lives with her mom and visits on the weekend. My daughter' s dad lives very far away and misses him and I think she is beginning to show resentment to my new husband because he' s not her real dad. Although most of the time she loves him and plays with him and even calls him daddy. She understands the difference but it seems that when she starts having lots of fun with my husband she feels guilty and starts acting out by either hitting, back talking, or simply just not listening. Her natural personality is very outgoing and very active and with her new aggressive behavior, my new husband is not dealing with it very well. He reacts to her behavior with anger as well and always compares his daughter with my daughter. His daughter is very timid and always afraid to try new things. I keep telling him that right now my daughter cannot fully express her state of mind and he needs to be her friend and not the disciplinarian. But he still yells and corrects EVERYTHING she does. Help....this is really frustrating me and taking a toll on our marriage because it hurts me when he speaks to her so rough. mini replied. hi roshini....this is a tough sotuation for all three of u..u , ur husb and ur daughter..ur daughter will take a lot of time to adjust with her step father and mean while he has to be really lot patient..but i understand it is easier said than done....try to explain ur husband politely and lovingly the phase that ur daughter is undergoing..out of all she is the one who has to struggle the most to adjust..tell him that she loves him and needs nothing but just some time to get adapted to the new person in his life..tell him that for some time this CORRECTION work of her should be left entirely on u..the mom..so that she doesnt misunderstand his new father....also tell him that all kids are not the same..ur daughter is extrovert and nows how to express herself but this is one situation she has got in life which she is not able to express to anyone in this whole world..so being mature people u both have to understand her...HIS daughter is living with her mom only and their is no second father in her life..once he comes ..she too may start behaving like that or may not because her nature is not so extrovert and she may not face that fight to that level..so its all may/may not situation as u cant predict same for all children...

Discuss this with him only when he is in good mood side by side explain ur daughter too to control her emotions in front of her father as he too needs to understand her..she can vent out all when she is with u..make her feel free in ur presence and behave as a good friend of hers so that she expresses everything to U...

all the best n go ahead..kids are more patient that us..believe it or not..:)

lots of luv n luck to u. S replied. Your husband needs to change his behaviour for sure. Put your foot down and tell him you will not tolerate him being harsh to your daughter. You might also go for a joint counselling session. If your daughter behaves aggressively, it suggests a psychological problem in getting adjusted to her step father. You may also consult a child psychologist to see the best way to deal with the situation. Sending her to a boarding school is a bad idea since she might end up resenting both of you because of that.
r replied. Roshini I donot know if you will agree to my decision but if i was on your place i would have admitted her in a good boarding school so the she studys well and is ready to make her own career and not be dependent on your second husband or even you mean while you both can earn well to take care of her studies and also visit her on vacations.

Hope you take a right decision .