Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi friends, Pl tell me frankly ,any of u ever seen this side in ur decent,educated hubbies?

Actually I got married to my hubby with a dowry which is very high in my circle. But then my dad thought ,ok these ppl has good properties and Son -in-law earning lakhs of rupees. So no need to turn back for me and feed me.

But my MIL ,for every function and festival expects big amounts frm them. I dont like this becasue in my circle none is like this .Its been 5years we r married , now we r planning house warming ceremony , Already my mil started expecting frm them thru her words.

She is soft to me and behave well ,never say a word against me. But feed my hubby' s brain always against my parents ,she cant tolerate her only son talking to my parente even. But somehow he manage a kindof good relation.

But last time when we did our baby' s naming ceremony she did a bigg scene because my parents didnt give good gifts. She doesnt directly say costly gifts but she use \" customs and traditions \" (which she write on her own to feed her daughter ) . My mil has no relatives and she doesnt go any function except to her 2brothers(She cut off bonds with fil side )that too younger to her and almost of my hubby' s age.My sil is married to my mil' s youngest brother. So thats all the circle they have.So she doessnt know any customs.

Opposite to this, my parents has decent and bigg circle where money plays NO role. My daddy' s brothers never give costly gifts to daughters , and my cousins hubbies and inlaws r decent in not expecting frm them.

So my daddy also expect my family to be same becasue still my brother has to settle well and he need money for thta. Yes, my dad is well off than my fil ,still my dad doesnt want to give away all the money to daughter and beg at son when needed. He want to have some money for himself. And he has 7more years to retire.

Though my FIL is retired one, he gave 60,000 worth gifts(50grms gold+rs.10,000 clothes)to my SIL in recent function ,(Every year they give atleast 75,000rs in any form). And when my fil had to buy anything expensive for home , neverthless to say, depends on my hubby. FIl and MIL feel complete rights on son. And they dont even buy a dress for son saying all the money remained after them is son' s. But when a middle class retired man give 75,000 rs. to his daughter every year ,where he can give his son something?? Ok, I never expect anything from my FIL.And finally my mil cut off bonds with son if she has to gie soemthing.My poor hubby love his mom in extreme level and cant know it till it happen.

but when I dont care what they r giving to their daughter, Y shd they interfere btwn me and my parents??

Worst thing is that....I noticed my hubby that being earning lakhs in abroad, still he expect good gifts from my dad. He never express it, but says to me \" As we had complications in previous function take care that ur parents gift us according to customs...because I cant say back to my mom\" .

his intension is correct , but y cant he tell his mom not to create scene for mere gifts and not to be greedy??. Ok he has no control over her ,all he can do is to take care from my side,

But I noticed manytimes he says that my father is ' RAJA' and earning in lakhs. Y he keeps an eye in his earnings?
I explained him clearly that my father can' t depend on son for any expenses,(because neither his brothers nor dad' s dad depended on sons) so has to save money .Also my father spent much on my marriage ,my borther' s education and building house.0He fulfilled his ambitions and he has no money left. Whatever he has, he has to keep for himself.
then my hubby said \" y r u explaining all these to me? Am I looking that mean to expect from ur dad?\"

Then I said \" ok, now onwards take care of ur moms demands and pl say once to her that u have no need of his money\" Then he said ok,

But now he started again suggesting me to follow customs my mil written. (recently sil did same ceremoney so I saw them feeding just in a veil of customs ).

Y dont my hubby understand my views?? So surely there is strong impact of my MIL and her genes on my hubby.

However, If my father doesnt keep atleast 20,000 gifts definitely she is gona spoil my hubby' s respect towards my parents. As my hubby already feel my dad is earning alot whats wrong to give his daughter with love (I can sense his feelings) .
How to resolve my problem ? Even for my function, my hubby committed 30,000rs gold to my sil + 5,000 clothes to her family(only little 2kids).


So, Pl tell me whether anyone experience this kinda problem, If so ,Pl advice me something.
Shd I tell my parents to give the costly gifts ? I dont want to loose their respect towards hubby.My mom knows gifts only make my mil happy so she ask my dad to fulfil her demand.here demand will be in very softway thru her son, As she tell in a veil of custom, my hubby gets a feeling y cant they follow cusoms for daughter.He think my parents r greedy, which is not correct.

This is real sensitive issue. My hubby is loving and caring and has many good aspects and I feel how lucky I would be ,if he lack this negative aspect.for this, I cant ask my dad to spend much money. my hubby feel he buy a computer worth 50,000 for son and 75,000 bike for an engg student ,then y cant give costly gifts to daughter. (Again, he never say directly ,but Ihe says in teasing way).He could say it because he has it in his feelings/.

Problem is my dad never feel son as outsider whereas my fil feel daughter is not an outsider. My mil' s policy is only one thing...Whatever parents has , just give away to daughters and depend on sons. This mean thinking of her makes me loose respect to her. And I just hate my hubby for not understanding logic in her demands.


So Either my hubby should loose respect towards my parents
OR
My parents loose respect towards hubby?

What should I choose?
help replied. hi,
my god hats off to ur parents ....5yrs of marriage and still giving so much of gifts c' mmon yaar by reading ur post i have a feeling that ur inlwas are greedy and very vey smart ...as they directly never ask for anything but indirectly keep asking for everything..
tell me one thing do ur parents still tell u abt the crises going in their family ...dont get me wrong
now my father and brothers dont tell me about any crises going in ..but i have yo dig things my father is in govt job both my brothers also work BUT when i got married my father put more money then he had and after 4-5 yrs of my marrige he is stable in money matters and now i have told him that no need to give unnecessary gifts .
in laws mouth and stomach will be never filled .

so u need to tell ur parents to cut gifts
parents want their daughter to be happy so they do wat ever they can do ...poor ppl never say no to their daughter.
bye