Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Hi everyone!
I am really confused and need help .My first child is ten years now and since we have recently shifted to a new place there are no relatives and i feel a serious need for my daughter to have a sibling but my husband is against the decision as he feels that it if we have a second child we will have to call a relative(his or my parents) as i am working full time .I have tried to explain him that i can take long leave but he refuses please help!!!!!!!!! Pete replied. Hi Shweta,

How are you. Is the solution working?

Any progress.

Regards,

Pete Pete replied. Hi Shweta,

You guys are going througho the same phase which my Wife and I went through. She always wanted 2 kids and I wanted only one. My reason for needing only one was, as we are a nucleus family, its just my daughter, wife and I at home. We stay in Bangalore and my mom and in-laws stay in Kerala. Both are so preoccupied that non of them can come and stay with us for long. So it was just me running after taking care of my wife for her 1st delivery. To add to the trouble, she had to take bed rest for 4 months. This mean she will have to be in bed and not move around even for eating, changing and toileting. So you can imaging the hardship I went through. So the thought of all this made me think that I don' t want to go through this again.

But my wife was confident that things wont happen that way and lets go ahead and have the 2nd one. She kept emphasizing that our daughter needs another bro or sis which will keep her occupied. ( then i did not buy that story, but now I feel I should have had a baby 2 years ago.) As usual I was against it.

SO THIS IS WHAT SHE USED WITH ME TO GET THE 2ND CHILD.

She just stopped talking to me. We were like strangers in the same house, but nice people in front of our kid. Everyday I woke up to see my wife' s big face. She made my day miserable by showing her big face and not talking. She used to do her usual home work like make tea, cook the meal etc... Just that she never talked and made this big face and gave one word answers to my questions. You can imagine what a miserable life that can be when the only person in your house acts like this. And what was the end result.

I THOUGHT ITS BETTER TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS INSTEAD OF LIVING LIKE THIS. AND SO I GAVE UP AND NOW SHE IS 4 MONTHS PREGNANT. SHE WON :)

Shweta, men view things in terms of materials and conveniences. We think of money, expenses. There are very few men who are satisfies with what they have and live an content life. Majority of then are going after wealth and materials thinking those are the end goals of a man, So if anything has to be done which involves pain and inconvenience they just don' t do it. Its just that they cannot take responsibility. They would Pleasure to Pain ( please not that i am not accusing your hubby, just talking about men in general). Your only problem is that your spouse is not for a 2nd child due to his own reasons. The only way to overcome is by the following.

1. Keep giving him small examples where your child needs a a companion. Tell this is the way one child will learn to share and be compassionate to other siblings

2. Kids who are alone may either be shy, lonely or arrogant ( there will be exceptions, i just said in general)

3. Try and convince him on having the 2nd child and if that doesn' t work then you can try what my wife tried with me.
( The intensity of it can be varied according to the response and please note I just told you what worked with me and you can try that. If its not going great please stop it as I don' t want to spoil your relationship)

Its just that for a common GOOD it' s ok to be stern and win it.

Good luck and hope you guys get the 2nd child soon.

Regards,

Pete