Relationships  Discussion Forum

I start with the premise that ABUSE in a marriage in NEVER ok and if in spite of sufficinet tolerance and effort if abuse continues longer than a certain amout of time, such a marriage better be annulled!

Its surely not easy to weigh the safety and security of your Marital status and the financial security that one' s husband may be giving against the abuses the H inflicts on the woman.

I personally have come across cases where women have been reasonably strong and decisive with some amount of family or social support against their husbands. I am also seeing several before me who are talking and thinking loudly about the day in day out abuses they encounter at the hand of their husbands but not able to take THE decision.

There are few preconditions : The woman needs strong family support, who can not only support her physically and financially during and immediately after the process of renunciation but also support her emotionally, including make her understand and decide what actions she may and must take to get rid of the abuse. The woman must be in a position to repose that much trust/faith on the support, be it family or a very close friend.

The woman must be in a position to earn enough to sustain herself and children, if there are. This sustenance though may be at a far lower level that the H was providing for!

The question next is, particularly when the woman has children how does she weigh the financial safety and worth of the property that she and her children are likely to receive in case she continues in the M and looses when she discontinues.

This takes us back to the question of the role of materialistic thought process of decision making versus the value one attaches to emotional freedom, love and your personal rights etc. How many wives give in routinely at night on the bed when stricly speaking she would not have liked it that night? Are there wives who shed tears while their husbands are performing the act and waiting for him to finish as early as it happens to him?

I am sure there are. But they rationalize saying its all for those five minutes and what I get in exchange is a lot! Almost similar may be the case with physical abuse, its after all a very short incident, after its over, the woman sees only the positive part!

If women do not value the sanctity of their own body and exchange abuse or sex for the material benefits that their marriage and husband brings in, its absolutely unfortunate and I do consider that group of materialistic abused women to be the most unfortunate group who can not even be helped!

So those women who face abuse, I request them to look at their M and weigh the software versus the hardware. If they find the hardware heavy enough why complain about bad software? Have fun, enjoy the shoping, the sprawling house, the luxory cars and also the abuse and the rape within marriage! sakhi replied. I must say I agree with your views overall but I really do not know how many women would tolerate abuse in exchange for luxury and cars though I do not not doubt that there may be some who do. But when it comes to undergoing conflict in the mind where a woman weighs security for her kids and what her status in society as a divorced woman would be vs continuing in an abusive marrriage it becomes a very difficult decision for her to take. In most Indian abusive marriages this seems to be the case and many suffer a lot on account of this.
I know of one woman who is a doctor but she faced abuse from her husband.Even her inlaws and parents thought she would be better off divorced but she stuck on with this guy for the sake of her kids fearing that their marriage prospects would be affected if they had divorced parents. But eventually it took its mental toll on her.
But yes if you are saying that a woman must not prostitute herself in exchange for financial gains and status then I agree with you.