Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi There
i am married and have a 5mth old daughter , hubby loves her and care for me sometimes the only thnhing is he belongs to a conservative and orthodox fmly and belons to small town in punjab whereas me born brought up in delhi . acc to him wife shud be mans save and act like his jooti. he hates my parents for no reason and my prents doesnt approve his unreasonable behavr and actions. he wants them to treat him like a god as he is thr sil. He doesnt even let me talk to my parents . As I am the eldest and my younger sis still has to get married this step of leaving him comes in the way. regarding finacial issues, i f i were to leave him i wont reside in canada I will go back to delhi and stay with mom and dad till I find a good job and then move out of there house. Coz living here alone will be impossible with daycare and rent etc.
regarding him, he belongs to a lower middle class family and i was forced marriage to him as I had to divorce from my first marriage because tht many after marriage came out he is Gay. So my parents were in a shock after my first marriage in whom to trust somy cousins fatherinlaw told us abt him. He thinks tht he has done something so great by marrying a divorcee tht my family shld touch his feet. I di tell him tht I had no sexual relations with my first husband and I am still a virgin but still he taunts me tht I have slept wiht my ex. THe wants my parents to treat him and his mom and dad like kings and a spl treatment to them coz they mrried me.
He never treats me like a man shld treat his wife. He wants me to obey all his commands like I am a dumb servant and If I argue or objects to his wrong say or action i am a whore then and then my family is sweared upon so badly only i know hiwi hear all those words. it is like drinking poison and keeping it to u.
He has made mylife 1 living hell. He treats me like I have no self respect and I shld say bad words to my parents for marrying me to a gay men and ruining my life. Although he was gay but he and his familly treated me with love and care sometimes I feel i shldnt have divorced from him and not come to this hell.
I am so depressed and i cant focus on things. I dont want to do anything for him
I just want to runaway far from him where he cant reach me.
My aunt told me to see if things can go normal with him for fw mths as kids do need a father and it is hard sometimes for a woman and a kid w.o a father.
I just want to know abt all the other single moms who are raising there kid and earning too. Please advise shld I move to India or stay here in canada or stay with him.
Thanks for ur response it gives me strentgh

NN Annika replied. stand up for yourself! He is lucky you gave him a child! He seems likean egotistical, disguistning, backwards, animal! You should not have to deal with anyone treating you anyway! Right now is the BEST time to leave him (as your child gets older and becomes more attached to him), it will be harder for you to leave him and you will have a lot more explaining to do. You seem like a hard working, honest person who has just had a string of bad luck with marriage. From the grace of god, you have been given the power to leave (this child will be your pride and joy!).... it' s amazing what your children are willing to do for their mothers. You should not deal with any abuse! if he abuses you... he is indirectly abusing your child! are you going to let your child go through this and watch? if you don' t stand up for your rights now... then your child may grow up upset with you for not taking any action earlier. You can adjust right now.... with the two of you, and I am hoping your parents will fully support with more power. You don' t need to tell your uncle anything. he introduced you to a horrible man, you trustingly married him.... and now it' s NONE of your uncles business. Your uncle should go live with your husband if he has such an issue! what i am saying may seem off the wall and a bit too progressive for some people, but I don' t like it when women are demoralized and belittled because of their life history. You need to teach your husband his lesson now, before it gets too late (you can' t teach an old dog new tricks.. right?). So my advice is .. let him go! if he comes back to you he' s yours to keep and if he doesn' t come back... he was never yours to begin with! Finally, keep faith in god, cherish and love your child unmeasurably (for she is all your hope and dreams!) You are very lucky to have a child and be healthy and alive (don' t let anyone else take that life away from you). Enjoy each day with your child to the fullest, because no one really knows what our life holds for us. Good luck nn replied. Thanks mou and dddd for replying. As I told u this was a force marriage and this marriage is a loveless and sexless marriage. The whole preg and after baby we had no sexual relations with each other coz he thinks tht I dont keep our relation normal to go to tht level. I was working before having a baby i am on a paid mat leave and I ama citizen here.I was earning way more thn him and before I went on mat leave I set up a business here for him, to be operated by him so tht he can support the family even if i decide not to go to work . the only prb living alone here is he can find me and make my life hell. Asmy parents are in India and they are ready to support me no matter wht. His elder brother also supports me , though he doesnt know much detailsbut he know how his brother is and has told me to tell me things so tht he can talk to him and explain him but I was hesitant as no matter wht they are still blood brothers and moreover his mom is the reason of our fights inmost cases. I do think dddd to leave him for a while andd stay with my parents. I want to earn there and Going to India even for 2-3 months is wht I am thinking to do to teach him a lesson and him realize my value in his life. He is a big jerk he always has blamed my parents for everything and will blame the seperation on themtoo which my parents says they dont care of wht he says to them I and my kid is imp and my safety is imp to them. I have done almost everything to make this relation work fr me and him even not talking to my parnts for over 4 mths. tried to persuade him and asked him wth love to not let our relation fall apart and do make some chgs in urself and I am willing to chg wht u dont approve of in me but his reply is he is right and has nothing to chg in him and he is very intelligent and smart. Now i have given up everything the only thing I am now thinking is to leave him and just go to India w/o even telling him tht I am leaving. Even I say m mom he gets aggressive as to why do I even say her name in front of him.

I just pray to God to show me the right path and give me strength to follow it
Thanks for listening to me and giving me ur valued response
nn mou replied. Dear nn,
Its very sad that men in our country (i am not sure of other countries) think that they are superior being.It is how our society has made them. May be in some way we are responsible too.We, most of the women silenlty tolerate this nonsense without any protest and this is how we encourage them.I agree with dddd that u have to be very firm.My suggestion is that u first decide-- whether u really hate this person,never going to look back,will u be able to take care of ur child on ur own.While taking decision don' t think of how others will get affected by ur decision, only think about u.What do u want? If u still have some soft corner for him, then try to make him understand thru love and if this doesn' t work u have to take the harder way. I think in that case u stay apart from him for sometime until he realises ur value.
Other thing is try to get a job ,this will make u economically dependable and definitely make a lot of difference.
take care.
mou. dddd replied. I read your post. I was in slightly similar post. So what your husband did not do you a big favor. The grooms family is constantly looking for monetary gain in marriage rather than how good the girl is . The richer the girl still they have complaints.
I would say you need to leave him alone for few days. RUN while you can. When my husband was abusive i bore it for 3 yrs. when i cudnt take it anymore.I took legal help and stayed apart for 2 months. He is still abusive once in while but thats normal marriage. I too give him back.
Some husbands have been taught to tell such cheap things in their family . Same as yours my husband talks.But after i gave him a stern reply he doesnt. Dont worry u get back for sometime to india and then come back to canada.before going make a sound arrangement to get back say apply for a job or change to employment visa. i am not aware of these things.
husbands need some sound giving back to realize our values.We shud never be docile.We are smart and educated woman.The husbands and in laws still live in 12th century.
Take care of your baby and make a sound plan to work or support your baby for a short duration. When my in laws saw i didnt budge with them pressuring me to get back to my husband when we were separated for short duration. They didnt let it go. the daily phone calls were maddening. I didnt once bend down and tell i will get back. You have to be stone hearted for some issues. this is one.Post back your thoughts. take care.