Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a woman from USA (I am a physician) engaged to marry a man from India. We are both Christian. I am worried about what his family will think, I have not met them yet. When we first met he said he coulnt be involved because his family wouldn't approve. Now he says \";forget what the family thinks\";. I am 38, he is 32. We have been together for 3 years. What are some of the cultural expectations of the oldest son retting married and? What problems might I have with his family? We are in the USA and will live there , his family is from Goa. Thank you Susan D replied. hi chandra,
i went thru ur query just today, so am not sure if u would be able to read my reply. i too am a christian from india, right now in the USA, but i am not from goa (i'm from bombay). i am familiar with people in goa and let me assure u that they r very free natured and i am sure u wont hv much problems at all. i am saying 'much problems' cause u may hv few since there is a vast difference in both the countries - India and USA, so u might hv a little problem with the restrooms, weather, food if u r not used to spicy indian food, etc. but culture wise i think u will be fine. and we christians basicially dont hv many cultures as such. we r very free, almost like most americans. u wont hv to follow any traditions, specially in goa.
Parents of the boys do hv a bit more control on the boy, but since u both will be living in the USA, i dont think it will be an issue. Just try to speak to them on the phone (after ur marriage) as often as possible since that is expected from the d-i-l (to be in touch with them).
When u go to visit them (this time in aug and also anytime in future), it is a good idea to give them gifts (u give it to them urself, meaning not thru ur B.F). If there r kids in his family, chocolates would be a good option (other options r toys, clothes). For elders some kitchen items, perfumes, other things like wrist watches, cosmetics, etc. will be fine. they will be happy to see that u thought abt them and brought things for them.
Goa is a very very beautiful place with lots of beaches and beautiful churches. Be sure to visit each and every tourist place in Goa. I too want to eagerly visit Goa during my next visit to India.
I read abt sorpotel in one of ur mail. Wow, reading abt it made me feel more hungry... yum.. sorpotel is made from pig (i dont know exactly what parts of pig) but its very very delicous and i just love it.
Bye and all the best. Let us know of ur trip in goa once u return. Enjoy the delicous goan food.
Love
Susan Chandra replied. Today my sweetheart and I talked about the trip to Goa in August to meet his family. Question: Sometimes in USA it is etiquette to bring small gift or flowers to the family the first time you meet them, is there a custom like this in India when meeting the family for the first time?? He has assured me not to worry about them, all will be well, but I am nervous! Suggestions? Archie replied. Dear Chandra,
Congratulations on your engagements.

As long as your fiancee loves you dearly there is nothing that can hinder your marriage or marital life, be assured of this part.

Since you both will live in USA it's very less likely that parents of groom will have a strong role to play in your day today life. If your fiancee is Physician like you, he could practice here.

I can imagine that in last 3 years of love life he may have mentioned about you to his family and you can know their views and opinion from him.

The tradition seems to have been vanishing slowly and people from big cities in India are getting adopted to available resources.

There are numerous families where daughter-in-law gets her respect and parents-in-law leave couple to make their own decision. Of course this is lot in the hands of your fiancee. As long as he is independent and weigh advices than listening blindly, you don't need to worry on cultural part.

As a daughter-in-law you would be expected to pay respect to elders and love youngers. You may have certain restrictions when you are with family or relatives (you two can't be as free as you are here -referring to love life and you will have freedom mostly when you are in separate rooms). This is again very mutual thing, if his family believes in ongoing thoughts then you may not strive for any freedom when with his family ( I can imagine this will happen when you go on vaccation or he brings them here).

I guess parent-in-laws interfere here as well and same would exist in India. As long as you respect their sentiments and make decision which are mutual and healthy to both parties you are likely to be not only approved but very well appreciated by his family.
Treat his family members like yours, his siblings like yours. I know for you this may be too much to offer, but you won't be with them always.
And last but not least these are two different cultures so imbablance is definitely expected and thus patience and endurance will help you sail this boat. Neetu replied. Hi,

The first word I want to tell you is Relax, there is nothing wrong in your marriage and his family will of course approve. You guys are together for past 3 years and in a marriage what counts more is mutual trust and love for each other. When this is there no families can come between the couple. Me and my husband bless you a Happy Married Life....Enjoy....Neetu