Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi...I am married for 4 years ......since the very beginning my husband could not get along with my family...I mean my sister and my father....I on' t have mother so my sister does everything for me....
I tried everything for bringing them closer but situation get worse with every meeting...there is no problem of money etc. but their personalities don' t match at all.....
but now the situation is so bad that my family has stopped talking to me also cos' of certain mis understandings that whatever my husband does, i am with him....
now their non communication is really affecting me...feel very low....crying all time.....my husband is ok with me but this whole issue is affecting our relationship also.....
i am feeling guilty all the time for mmy sister who' s done everything for me and in the end what did she get?...abusings from my husband.....she' s in no mood to listen anything and i in myself is so ashamed for whatever happened that i cant face her.....moreover i am fed up of everything in 4 years that in my hearts of hearts i dont wont to makeup also ....but i really miss my sister....dont want to leave her...please suggest what to do... Krushna replied. I feel that you have to think about the past situations and decide whon you feel is right, your sis, and father or ur husband. Even if their personalities do not match, you dont meet them everyday and your husband should have not been so abusive to them. Dont we bear the differences when we come to our inlaws place? It would not be right on his part to insult them in any way. You sis and Father have done a lot for you, if not grateful he should not be at least ungrateful. Also it would not be right on their part to interfere in your husbands matters and decisions . What I feel is you talk to your sister and father, and sort out the misunderstandings. Also tell ur husband that you expect certain grace in his behaviour. It is right to be with husband, but also try to be firm with him on certain things that you disagree.A simple sorry to your sister will surely melt her heart and remove the hurt feelings. So dont wait and go ahead and make a call.Dont feel sad for things that you cannot control, but dont cut ties with near relations.And tell your husband this clearly.I have similar problems, so finally after a lot of arguments with my husband, I told him that he should not comment on my brother as it hurts me.He can distance himself from my brother but not expect me to cut all ties. Would he cut ties from his brothers/sisters? Never. So accept that these r blood relations and have to be maintained. riya replied. it happens sometime that the two sets do not get along well, but honestly you can' t help much. same was with me and for years i blamed myself and felt guilty of all the misunderstandings. in the last i found myself as a scapegoat . then i very firmly and sincerly told the respective sides that it is okay if you do not get along but why i should suffer for that. maintain your both sided relations with lot of sensibilities and realistically. you can' t leave your husband for your sister and you can' t ditch your sister for him. but have you ever thought that why should your father and sis think that you are also involved in the misunderstandins . they are your own, so atleast they should understand your position and be satisfied with keeping good equations with you.