Hi,
I registered just today but have been following this board,since the past few months.
I am married 4 yrs, and we tried for a whole yr, before I conceived in Nov 04, with some hormone support. I unfortunately had a missed abortion in Jan '05, it was tough but I got over it. I then conceived again in March 05, everything was fine, except for 3 full months of bed rest and some slight bleeding bcos of a low lying placenta.
But then in August when I felt I was spotting very slightly again, I went in for unscheduled scan,I was 20 weeks complete, that day changed my life forever. I was told my baby has what is called non immune hydrops, where the amniotic fluid had entered the baby and had spread in all the vital organs. I then went thru a whole battery of tests, specialists, but nothing, we were told that such babies dont survive full term, and it is better to terminate as they are very sick is they are born.After 15 days of deliberating, I was admitted ,induced and then delivered the baby.It was a boy, which I chose not to see, as i wouldnt have handled that pain at that time. I came back the same night, totally exhausted and more than anything- empty .It will be a year soon, my life is going on, I went back to work within a month itself, and have been working since then, I work in my family business, so it is flexible.But that emptiness, and sadness is hard to handle on some days.
With each passing day that pressure to start once again builds in, I am tensed all the time, and might want to wait for another few months.
You sometimes think this is not possible for you.
I have been reading all the posts on this borad and can understand what all of you'll are also going thru, but God, I think has a better plan for all.
I am sorry for such a long post, but I wanted to share all that is in my heart. SS replied. AJ - I really understand what you are goig through. I had two miscarriages, the first baby I lost when it was 12 wks, I found out during the routine scan.
We went thru all the tests, and I conceived again, but I lost my baby girl at 18 wks, had to deliver the baby in the labor room, with all other happy mothers around. I too decided not to see her, since I couldn't cope up then. I had named her, and many nights I was awake at night thinking of what would've been.
The doctor advised us to wait for 6 months so that I (my uterus) had time to recover. However, God was kind and when I went for a checkup I was pregnant, and I had an uneventful pregnancy, though I was on bed rest.
I always had the belief that my little girl whom I lost, was there to protect us throgh the pregnancy.

I wish you all the best..and know that there are lots of us who understands you and pray for you. replied. I wish you could have seen your son. Things would have been easier, studies show that seeing baby makes it easier. There is no way to fix this problem, this is a pain you will always live with, because your baby should have lived you will remember him in a million ways and nothing can stop that. Life will build around this pain and slowly slowly the pain will seem less but will never go. Just hold on pari replied. dear AJ,
im very sorry to hear bout ur loss. i know how u feel. i too had a missed abortion two and a half years back. its painful. and losing a baby at 20 wks would have been devastating. i conceived after one and a half years of struggle. today im 15 wks preg.
there was a day i believed i could never ever conceive a baby but i did. and im hoping everything goes rite this time. but i still wake up at nights and cry for the baby that was never born. u know, he was my first one. no moment ever passes without me wondering how much time i have with my babies (im carrying twins now). life would have been completely different if that episode had not happened. actually, life would have been different if the subsequent infertility had not happened either. i dont know why that happened to me but it did and therez nothing i can do bout it.
try listening to gayathri mantra. it should be soothing at times of turmoil. if u r fond of reading, try to get 'a woman doctor's guide to miscarriage' by Lynn Friedman and Irene Daria. it would help u move on.
love and prayers,
pari.
nov 2006.