Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am married woman.Living with my husband in foriegn contry.. I am happy in foreign contry as I am not living with my in-laws.. since my marriage days I dont have good underterstanding with my in-lawa,they are very dominating in-laws and want to make all the decision about their son and even daughter-in-law..I was working when I got married then after 5 months of marriage my husband had been put into some projects in foreign contry..So at that time there was one big issue of whether I have to continue my job or not even though it has been know that assignment takes long time,may be two or three years.. So I didnt go along with my hubby. I was very sad that time as I was newly married and my hubby left me.. They even boather to ask what is my opinion whether I want to continue job or not.. They just themselfs used to say u just once take one month leave and go and live with ur husband and come.. He can live alone there and come back.. As it is time to earn... If it was just for one year I would have also not thought about leaving my job.. BUt it was allready known that it is going to be long term,,then also they used to talk like that.. Even my hubby respects his parents very much and dont say anything for them.. But my hubby wanted me to come and live with him.. SO inspite of his parents objection I resigned job and came to live witn my husband.. I am really happy what ever life has given me.. I dont mind for leaving job and staying with my hubby.. But my in-laws are very money minded and also it's their prestige issue that their daughetr-in-law works.. BUT now I am not working and living happily with my hubby in foreign contry.. But when we went to India last time my mil still irriates me saying u lost ur job unnecessarily.. which I dont like as we husband and wife are happy with our decision..I cant tell my husband also that his mother tells all this.. bcoz he always thinks his parents are right..He has just blind faith in them..dont want to listen anything against them.. I know they are not bad people.. But still their attitude hurts me. Now my hubby planning to go back and staying with parents.. BUt I am not feeling to go back and stay with my in-laws as I know their nature of dominating over everything.. I cant tell this to my husband also. He also not cares me as he cares here in foreign contry.. Now I am very much dippresed about going back india... If i get job after going there then it's good.. Otherwise life is misrable with my in-laws sitting idle at home.. My in-laws just dont want me to be at home,I am sure.. So thinking all that I am stressing out so much now,, Dont know what I should do.. I am not able to concentrate on anything now..Thinking about what will happen to me if I dont get job after going to India,I go crazy,,it is upsetting me very much..
U people must have heard story of daugher-in-law wants to do job but mil opposite to it.. But here is opposite story.. Even I am not deadly against of my doing job.. I am just the kind of persion who go along with life as it takes turn.. Nidhi replied. Hi sarita,
Nice to know from u.. as u told it is better to do job than sitting at home and seeing in-laws face.. It's so horrible to hear the comments from them..I some how discussed this with my husband who is also in their side means he always thinks his parents are great and whatever decision they make is great.. so he convinced me that he will convince their parents about how difficult to get job again if I am not able to get.. So that is one good news.. But I know my husband is always his parents kid yet and me having less support.. so I have to get ready for whatever happens when I go to India.. All the best to u also..hope u also get job after returning ..If we get job it's good we have confidence and also can face anyone..All the best sarita replied. Hi Nidhi,

In the same boat as you. I had a hell of a time when I quit my job and came to US. I always argue that if husband and wife have to stay apart then why get married. I would have anyway worked and stayed with parents. Why work and stay with inlaws while husband is far away ? I will try my best for any job because I am terribly scared of staying with my inlaws at home when I go back to India. Atleast I will not see their faces for eight hours or so. My husband and inlaws always tell that they chose me for the bride because I was working. My inlaws are quite well to do but when amongst status minded people they dont want to show a housewife as their daughter-in-law. Also only when I come home with salary they receive me with smiling faces otherwise they behave as if i am a burden. I too taunt them telling that its installment dowry that they are seeking from me. Best of luck in your job search and dont get discouraged by your inlaws taunts. Once you get a job you surely will get self confident and will be able to face your inlaws.

bye

Rashmi replied. The best way to manage difficult inlaws is to ignore all the bad vibes and words. Maybe you can manage them telling that they were afterall right in their advice and that you were immature by not heeding to it. This should satisfy them and their ego. You can also ask for their help to get a new job. Avoid getting into trouble with your inlaws because experience tells me this always works against us.