Relationships  Discussion Forum

I am a working woman. I got married 8 months back. My husband works in an MNC and his is a well to do family. I want to know if its right for a working married woman to have control over her earnings. My husband and in-laws are always imagining that i send money to my parents. I am ready to share my earnings in running the house and i have told that to my husband and in-laws but they always keep asking me to give all details about my savings and what I did with all that money before marriage. They don't trust me and are not satisfied with what i tell them. I am so scared of using my money for anything because my husband is a mama's boy and will tell my mother-in-law about my spending. They always tell me that after marriage a girl has to sacrifice everything for her husband. They are also reminding me to ask for a fair share in my father's property. Should I give all my earnings to my husband ? god bless replied. Hi Anon. Firstly, good on you to keep ur head up and working after marraige too. Mostly in traditional set up pressure is put to give up work soon after marraige. Don't give it up unless ur hubby decides to give u good pocket money or u fancy staying home in future with your kids. I have been married for 7 yrs and I work full time, which is a great challenge with work, home work, in laws to take care of in western set up. There was curiosity from my in laws and hubby when i was newly married too but soon they came to accept that I don't question my hubby's earning and spendings so he should let it be too. I always said give me x amt to stay home every mth and i will give up my job and there wont' be any issue of me sending money to my mum or family. Be confident of urself and they will not take u for granted, don't argue or fight but dont' feel guilty for being independent. I have savings before marraige and after too and I don't disclose any details to hubby cause he is a mamma's boy too and I wouldn't want to be 100% open with them. All I say to hubby is i save sometimes when I can for security so that if we needed in emergency, we have backup, but I don't even keep track of what I have saved otherwise I will use it up. So u shouldn't consider I have anything niether. Of course, it is early days for you to say all this but don't tell them anything about ur finances, and if they know something, leave it at that, keep ur security..and it is not being dishonest with ur hubby, it is just being sensible about the money you earn. This is about practical approach n not emotions!
Good luck. HS replied. Dear Anon,
You should certainly have control over your earnings.Contribute some of your salary to the household and as hardeep suggested keep some.As far as money you earned before your marriage ,you need not tell them anything.Its upto you what you did with it.You don't have to convince anybody regarding this.There is nothing wrong if you give money to your parents since they are the ones who gave you the potential to earn now. Good luck. Hardeep replied. Dear Anon,
Every girl goes through various situations when she marries, in your case it happens to be of the financial matters.

I first want to suggest you never give all your money up to your husband, always have a nest egg. The reason is for your own little comfort zone. I am not saying to distrust or to be sneaky, but, merely, never give up all your finances to your husband...if you had to be forced to do so, you may as well quite working and be a housewife if you won't have a say in the money...right? (By the way; I have no problems or issues with being a housewife or a career girl) Give him 80% most of the time, then, sometimes, give a little less. Just use your discretion.

You never know how much that extra money could benefit you and possibly your husband in the future if such a crisis were to occur.

With me, I married into a upper middle class family with several businesses that were just treading above water when I married my husband. They wanted to marry their son off to a similar family. My husband met me through my Aunty never knowing of my family finances.


I came from a family of some means, but, I didn't allow my husband or his family to learn of this until years and years after our marriage. The reason is, I wanted to make sure they were NOT getting their son for me for my potential assests. Even to this day, my husband isn't aware completely of what my parents have. My parents worked too hard to get what they have; I didn't want anyone to prey on me or my family for the money.

I have been married 10 1/2 years. I am a housewife (NOW) because I felt like if I had to give an account over every dollar I spent, I might as well sit at home and take care of the house, go and spend money when I want anyways...(laughing) And, my husband loves me being home.

Keep a savings account, even if you merely drop just a couple of dollars in it a week, that is okay, whatever you are comfortable with.

In marriage, there will be a lot of issues that arise, many will involve the inlaws. Protect yourself especially since you are literally newly married.


Take care,
H