Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi all,
i'm so tensed. life seems so overwelming for me. here people come up with inlaws problem .i too suffered a lot from my inlaws & trying to cope up with that,but additional to that i have my own people troubling me.here on this board, there r such wonderful people who help others out.i hope to receive the same kind of help from u all...
now coming to my problem.my relatives have been a major problem in my life from my childhood.they r also very jealous people.they always have interfered in my life & they r continuing to do the same thing even after my marriage.because of this my hubby is getting pissed with me & this is spoiling our relationship.and moreover their expectations r so high that it is impossible for me to fullfill them.when ever i go to India,they expect very expensive gifts from me.i generally take normal gifts for them like watches, perfumes, chocolates etc, but they make faces at me & see those gifts in such a bad manner as though i've got all of them for free or were lying on the road. they always keep asking me to sponser for them & get them to US.things r so expensive here.when we ourselves r suffering so much,how can we fulfil what they ask for.they r not even my parents.they r my relatives( my dad's sisters).they r so jealous of me especially after i got married.they hurt me with harsh words when ever i speak to them. i just cant bear to see their eyes.they r so jealous that is seen in their eyes which tortures me.moreover they keep asking me very personal & intruding questions like whatz my hubby's salary,whats our house budjet, expenses etc.they cant bear to see me in US.so they always ask me when we r coming back to India permanently & they literally force me to move to India.my hubby is getting annoyed bcoz of all these things.he shouts at me telling that my relatives r so interfering. i lost my mom at a very young age.so no mom's support. my dad cant see their mistakes at all as they r his sisters.so cant expect any help from him.i have tried telling my dad abt this but he doesnt care.regarding me, i've always been a very soft & a polite girl.i've never fought with anyone & i dont have the guts to back answer or fight with them.
i dont even want to look at their faces,but when i go to India i have to meet them.they r least interested in me, but i have to meet them just to here all thier hurting words.if i dont go they create a big scene.i never want to hurt anyone. i always try my best to be good & please everyone.in spite of it people r being really mean to me.
all these days i was a silent observer of this board.this is the 1st time i'm writing here.hope to receive help from u all.can u plz tell me how to handle them? how shld i give them the message not to interfere in my life & not to ill treat me anymore?i really need to maintain privacy & my own preferences in life, but thats not happening.plz plz tell me how to tackle them? i really want to convey to them that they need to respect me.their nonsense is not tolerated anymore,but i dont know how to do it. plz need ur help.i've lost my peace of mind.cant take it anymore.any help is highly appreciated.thank u all...... sv replied. Hi Siya

I really empathise with U on the problems U r facing.....

my advice suggestions to U r :

- Ur life is in ur hands... so be strong and patient...

- Do not bother about relatives.... once u start taking harassment from them they will only give u more trouble and make ur life a living hell....

- Just stop contacting them.. when u know someone is bad.... and hurting U.. why r U going back to them.... stop contacting them... when they ask U tell them u r very busy .... etc... just give some lame reason... and after sometime they will get the message....

- I belive that each one of us have to first respect our selves... one way to respect ourselves to make sure no one harasses us.... god has brought eveyone in this world to make the best of our lives... be happy... work hard... do good for the needy... be there for our loved ones... and be strong....

- Let me tell one more thing.... ur relatives r all over U coz u r better than them financially that is what they think......and so they feel jealous.they have no idea how hard we have to work and how many sacrifices we have to do to live here.... ... so just think of it in that way and leave it... U cannot do anything when someone is jealous of U.... it is their problem... and when u know they r ruining ur life... then just cut them out of ur life.....

- Since u r in the US... u r lucky coz u can easily cut them off.... stop calling them... but do not stop all of a sudden.... reduce ur call slowly and finally stop it...

- All relatives will be around U when u have money etc... but when u r in trouble or when u need money (touch wood, I pray u guys do well always)... no one will come near U....or even talk to then... thats how people r in today's world.... so stop bothering urself and ur hubby...

- Why r u and ur hubby fighting for ur relatives.... when u or ur hubby need something only u or ur hubby can help each other ur relatives r not going to come and help either of u...... so why r u guys fighting for some selfish jealous people......

- If they comment on ur gifts... stop buying gift the next time.... tell them u have some financial prob ( Touch wood) its just an idea... or some other reason and tell them u could buy only chocolates... and leave it..... they do not deserve anything... do not be afraid... be strong... if u do it once then they will realise and be nice to next time... all am saying is try it once and see what they say... even after that they say something bad... stop buying anything for them.... why r u wasting ur and ur hubby's hard earned money on some stupid people... buy some toys for ur kids or buy some jewels for urself..... or something for ur hubby...

- ALl I can tell out of experience is..... all thru ur life ur hubby and ur kids r the one's who will be with thru thick and thin of ur life.... so stop wasting ur time on people who r not worth even thinking of... and start living life for urself , ur hubby and kids.....

- Life is very short... be happy, make the best of ur life... have fun with ur hubby... even he takes up the topic of ur relatives tell him to forget it and be happy... and have fun with ur kids..... ur kids r watching U..... so teach them how to handle tough situations in life... so u have to be an example..... be strong and patient....

- the happiness, good health, and a happy family life is in ur hands..... either u can be selfish and only concentrate on ur loved one and be happy... or worry about ur relative and other bad wishers around u and how jealous they r of U and how selfish they r,,,, the result of it is u r unhappy, ur hubby is unhappy and so r ur kids.... and for what for some people .. to whom u r nothing..... and they r happily living with their family..... so why r u wasting ur life....

- Plz forget about all of them.... and be happy.. take care of ur health coz only if u r happy and healthy ur hubby and children can be happy... U r the pillar of ur family... even if U lean a lil bit ur family will start to crack and will colapse if u do not do anything.....

I hope my strong advice/suggestions help U..... U r living in the US... u r living a good life.... there r millions of wives and women who r suffering with daily harassments from in laws , bad hubby's etc in India and who r praying to god to help them or to go far away from these bad people...they will kill to live ur life.... so thank god for the gift he has given U and make the best of what u have and be happy....

I hope u do realise how valuable ur life, ur family life, ur and ur family healthy life and ur kids life is ......plz stop letting others bother u sooo much....

I feel really bad that such small things r bothering U soo much..... just forget about them and give them what they deserve.... (stop contacting them) and be happy...



ruchika replied. hi siya,
ilost my mom when i was not even full 17 from that day onwards my nani use to staywith us without her we cud have lost .there was nobody from my father's side to help us my yougest brther was 7 that time.

now coming to ur problem its very sad that ur own relatives are doing this.

siya there can be two faces of everything out of jealosy they may be asking so much of questions or aout of curiosity they may be asking .
but as u said from childhood they are doing that means jealosy.

anyways my suggestion to u is if they like ur gifts then good if they dont then dont bring anything more then a key chain for them if illtreat u then u can ignore them .tit for tat .tell ur father becoz of them ur marrigae life is suffering he will himself handle them and if he dont then u slowly slowly stop talking to ur relatives .and other wise also u stay in US so very less intraction with them

why to suffer personal life just for sake of somerelatives.

if u keep thinking about teaching them lesson then u will end up with big fight or detryoing ur personal life ...u r in such a good place enjoy ur life with ur hubby .try not to talk about ur relatives with him rather talk about u and him.
bye best of luck.

stay cool rt replied. Hi Siya
I can understand your situation. I also have a big family full of relatives. But understand one thing, your relatives should not take better of you. They should be your support, not your problem.
Next time you go to India, dont go to meet anyone. If they ask, tell them you have been busy and ask them to come and meet you. If they feel bad, let that be. Dont budge and leave it. Let them complain if they want to.
See, when they will need your help they will come to you. So, dont worry about losing touch with them or them feeling so bad.
Also make sure you talk to them in a polite way. Never raise your voice but be very firm.
Regarding gifts, dont take anything but chocolates. If they say something, tell them that they get everything in India but always be polite.

They will realise that you are strong and stop bothering you.

This is a small problem and dont take it very seriously. Enjoy with your husband and dont tell him what your relatives say. Just forget them.