Relationships  Discussion Forum

Would you live with an abusive husband

but what if one of you child is special need and you can't take care of your job, kids, dcotor appointments and therapies all togather, all on your own

and if your kids love their dad to death and vice versa

and if he shares 5- 10% of family responsiblities, when in good mood

what if he is good with you too but loses his temper every now and then and starts hitting you left right and center in front of kids and never apologetic for his behavior

what if your parents know your situation and still ask you to be quite and as take life as it comes

would you live with such a person , getting humilated with front of kids and fearing to have nervous breakdown?

if you earn more than him, have better career than his

Amrit replied. I think, e might be jealous of your earning more. Well in this case, I'd suggest, just tell ur hubby that ur boss / company is not happy with you & ur role has been changed. New role has say sum $10K or so salary low, & make it lessre than him, deposit that money in sum sepate bank account in ur / ur child name. Jus c what he behaves. I think he might be ok. & there is no harm in this lying if thats for betterment of ur & ur hubby life. N.Y.C. replied. Get out, while you can.

why stay? if you earn more than him. Hire a nurse to take care of your child. job replied. Hi Kalpana,
Its sad that your husband is treating you like this. However, you need to be strong. If you are in India, file an FIR based on Law for Domestic Violence. I heard its like the anti-dowry law and does not even require warrant for his arrest. I know its rude, but, that will teach him a lesson, and after that you might need to forget whatever happened as long as he does not hit you again. If you are in the US, call 911 and press charges. You cannot take physical abuse. Frankly, by not giving a fitting reply, you are indirectly encouraging him(sorry to say that). You cannot just get sympathy because you are a victim. You have to stand up for yourself. Poonam replied. Hi Kalpana,

Read ur message.See wht r the reasins that he abuses u??? u shud know that first...incase he abuses without any reason then i really think something is wrong with him.If with a reason he does try to avoid such situations to arise.i know its easy to advice but u can avoid as i do...open ur feelings to him for whatever u think is wrong if still he does not care stop caring for his needs to.Take care of ur childrens needs as they should not suffer rite??? Do keep me posted as we can always discuss....be strong and yah walking out though its difficult to do but try wht i suggested and see..Be to urself and take very good care of ur kids.. Nidhi replied. hi Kalpana,

well definitely this is wrong that ur abused by ur hubby and even he beats u. u gotta have self respect. and then beating in front of children is even more worse.
ur parents suggests to take life as it comes but not on the cost of ur self respect.
what i can suggest u is that talk to ur hubby that y does he behaves like this with u n what u feel, n if still he dont understand that u should rally move out, kids are close to ur hubby but with the time they will understand things n will support u. by the way how much old are they if enuf then they will understand things now only.
accept things that life gives u on the cost tat u and ur self respect is maintained... ur hubby gotta understand this...
incase u have to leave him have confidence in ur self... n things will work out,
take care
all the best anti abusive replied. Dear Kalpana,

Abuse in a marriage is a strict NO.

How many kids do you have? Do you think he would be interested in keeping the kids?

Do you have any evidence of any sort of the violence? Any bruise or cut mark or any visit to a doc to treat the abuse etc? Are your kids old enough to testify the abuse against their father, if they are made to feel sufficiently comfortable in the company of a third person?

Develop fiends either in office or in the society around you, do talk about the abuse you suffer and seek help to get a lawyer and eventually your D.

Those who suffer abuse for too long a time, generally loose all confidence and even starts blaming herself for the crime perpetrated by the abuser and because of the shame associated with the abuse, does not even speak out and thereby aids the abuser.

Please understand that you are a VICTIM and a victim is never wrong just because of being the victim. If anyone should be ashamed of, its your H and not YOU.

Please do write back, lets talk it out here.

My empathy with you. ruchika replied. hi kalpana,
rt is right some extent but rt moving out of marriage is not very easy but if her husband is doing this and dnt even regret it u shud move out u have a good job and u earn good.
so u talk to ur husband once and if nothing change then move out

do ur inlaws know about this??
bye rt replied. I have read here that the first time the husband raises hand is when you shud move out. Your husband has been doing this regularly. I think he might be a little jealous of you earning more than him.
See what you can do is to move out and engage a helper to help with the kids. You can always get someone to help you.
I feel sorry for the kids but I think the women should be treated in a dignified manner by their husbands.
I'll also talk to him and see what his attitude is.