Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hello,

I have a problem. Me and my husband are both NRI's and are working in USA. Before and after our marriage my husband who is the youngest one but the most educated one in the family supported his brother's family finacially by sending money every month to them. My elder BIL who is also working were having a really luxurious life back in India. Even after 5 years of our marriage the whole family my MIL and her brothers (I do not have a FIL) wants us to support my BIL in the same way and moreover help all hanky-panky cousions to get jobs in USA. My husband has tried to explain each of them that after his marriage and our two kids it is indeed very difficult to do so. Moreover we do not run the government here that we can call all of our family on our expense to come and settle here. The problem is no body says anything to my husband but they all blame me for this. They think me and my parents are changing my husband but that is not true it is practically impossible for anybody to run the expenses of two families in two different countries. If we are getting good salaries compared to our people in India the expenses are also very high here.

My MIL has been here with us for both my deliveries and knows the costs here but even she after going back to India told everyone that how good we are finacially, having two cars, a nice house and what not. Whenever we tell them the cost of the house rent they think we are lying the amount to them, the cost of vehicle-medical insurances all are fake for them as this doesn't happen in India! The whole family expects us to give a free trip of USA or Europe to them.

I love my inlaws and would like them to understand us and our problems. My husband is the only person who understans and respects me for my efforts and keeps on telling me to ignore them but I am very sensitive and want love and respect from them. Please if anybody knows how to handle this situation do reply this message.....

Thanks.....Jona Jona replied. Hi Joann,

I read your problem. Honestly speaking this is too much. Please tell your husband to take a firm stance, no matter how much we love our families if elders start behaving like kids then they ought to know what is wrong or right. My MIL was also spending money here and there totally wasting on clothes, eatries on her own brothers and sisters. When she visited us this time my husband told her the truth, told her that we know that they are not using the money properly, instead it is like throwing up. He was confident and told very clearly that he doesn't want to hurt anyone but one has to take responsibility at one point and he is not the big father of the family.

Joann, try helping your husband to explain them these things, please don't open your mouth, even you won't open your mouth they will think that we have taught their BOYS!!. I am sorry but I have become selfish now, it was me and my husband who were studying 18hrs a day when others were having fun, It was us who started working at a early age along with our studies. Now it is us who have the responsibility of our children and can't handle anything extra. If you have children then it itself is a valid reason but if you do not have one then go ahead with your family plans.

Do let me know what happened next.....Take care....Jona Jona replied. Hi April,I read your message after a long time. The only solution my husband is following is to try settling the inlaws. He is encouraging his brother to study more and helping him to find a better job in India or to invest a little and open a business for him. The only solution which comes to our mind is to awake their self respect and help them initially with money to start something of their own and then leave them alone to run their lifes. If they mess up you can only say SORRY for the next time and explain that we have a life and responsibilities for our kids too......Hope it helps.....Bye...Jona. april replied. my story is almost the same. My husband himself is giving money not only to his parents but also to his brothers.
Guess what (i cannot stop him).If u have ideas please let me know igreatful and thankful. This happens to all the NRI living in here.
My MIL thinks we can afford everything and she cannot afford.