Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi friends,
i am in my 7th month of pregnancy..i stay in us..b4 my delivery my mil iz going to come here..my prob iz.....i am a tamilian marraied to a keralait..so ours n thier culture are different..and i am afraid of my mil bcuz of her dominating character..the prob iz i am schocked to hear that after delivery we shud arrange a lady to maasage n bath me n baby...we dunt have such custom in my home..i am basically a very shy person ..i wunt even wear saree bcuz i dunt like someone to help me during dressing..even during functions all our family women will dress in a room..but i will wait untill i get a seperate room...at first hearing thiz postpartum lady custom i thought they will simply give me some home made medicines n massage..but my cousin said that we shud sit undressed in bathroom when those ladies massage n bath us...my gosh i am tensed after hearing it..i feel like sort of lesbian act..
in hospital we may undress for tests but i will take it in that spirit..but thiz iz sort of useless,foolish practise...my sister delivered a baby a year ago..she took bath alone right frm the day 1 of delivery..i never seen her tired...why other women shud bath us??i cant tolerate thiz..i said my mom that i cant sit nude in front of other woemn so plz tell my mil not to appoint any lady...but my mom says dunt say no to them let them do watevre.otherwise my mil will create some big issues...wat can i do??thiz may b funny to others..but thiz iz my life's biggest issue like someone raping me or i am losing virginity....what can i do??if that lady comes i will defeitely dunt allow her to enter bathroom.i may shout at her...here we have to pay a huge amount for them..plz plz plz advice.i nearly forgot thinking abt my unborn baby bcuz of thiz Priya Satish replied. This is me again, Priya who is a keralite. Another custom in Kerala is (i dont know about other states in India) when you are 7 months pregnant, you are send to your mom's house, and will come back after your delivery and your baby is 3 months old. What I understood is actually to keeo your husband away. My doctor said to avoid sex till 3 months after delivery. In olden days, probably this was the way they found. And another important fact is, you need proper rest after the delivery. When you are in your inlaws place, you cant do that, so your moms place was the best. It is actually good for that lady to sleep in your room after delivery for some weeks, bcoz, you will have to get up a lot of times to feed your baby and change diapers and it is her duty to help you. Swapna replied. message after my delivery.My back and legs hurt sooooo much already and I can only dream of somebody giving me a nice good message and a god warm bath that Ive been missing all these months.If I were you,I'd jump with joy at the idea.Im suring you are already coping with a lot of discomfort that comes with pregnancy and delivery steals the show.Though you may find it really queer now,you'll thank your MIL for this ,after your first session.Like others mentioned,wear your undies and you are good to go.Get pampered. hi replied. hi aasia
i am also a keralite and i know everybody in kerala are used to this custom. and i think it is not at all bad. it is a tradition exist only in kerala. so i also wonder why, nobody outside keral do this and everybody in this world are giving birth. especially here in US women after delivery will go to work after 2 week or so. why this is a big deal in kerala.
i have 2 kids. but as my deliveries were ouside kerala for me no massages were done. so really don't know if there is any need for this massaging. but my sister got this massage and she had swollen legs and all. and she said it was great for her.
so u decide, i thnk f u are on a chubby side and have any tiredness or so, it is good to have this massage after delivery.
for me after delivery i had a sever body pain and i felt tired always for some months. so i thnk may be this massaging will help you a lot to improve your health. also it will a add abeautiful glow to your skn. that is for sure.
also drink those ayurvedic medicines yaar. it is soooo good. not in taste. but fot your body. you will feel that.
so if you don't feel like sitting naked, you can wear swim suit or a big towel. don't take it n any bad way, just hink it as a treatment for your tired body.
you know what dear, it is so nice for your mil to think that u should get a massaging ,because you are the only one who is benefitting from ths massage. most of the mil's will say . 'oh,nobosy is doing this outside kerala so, dear son, why wasting money. nothing will happen withoutthis.''
i am not saying your ml is good or bad. just said. so take it easy. LET THEM PAMPER YOU DEAR, THIS IS THE ONLY TME WE GIRLS GET SOME PAMPERING AFTER MARRIAGE.

so no worries, be happy. may you have a very healthy baby and god bless u dear Priya Satish replied. Hi,
Dont get worried. This is a common custom in Kerala. I have delivered a baby last year, and for the first 28 days, the 'lady' has given me bath. As sombody stated here, most of them are old, and actually kind of 'mid wife', who know their job. Why this is a custom in Kerala is becoz, to recover your body properly from the physical strain it goes through during the time of delivery. It is an old age tradition. These ladies are trained to do this. It has medicinal values, it is a part of kerala ayurvedic medicines. They apply ayurvedic medicinal oil on your body and give bath in hot water. If you dont feel comfortable, wear your inner dress. I would advise you to take this in a medicinal spirit, she is just like a nurse who will take care of you in the hospital. It is actualy good for your body. But finally the decision is yours. No Name replied. I think its just ur harmones which is making you so tense !!!
I too belong to a Custom where we are given Massage after delivery ..
Believe me its a very wonderful thing .. Its more like pampering urself . These ladies(its one lady) is usually a old women .. You need not take off ur undergarments if you not comfortable ... thats perfectly ok.

I suggest atleast try for a couple of days before saying NO. It will make you so relaxed and you will get gr8 sleep after that. It also helps you lose that extra fat on tummy !

Have you never been for a back massage or body massage in beauty parlour ? Its similar to that .. much more comfortable as its done in ur own bedroom !!
Chakrika replied. May be some massage after delivery might due you some good.Dress up to some extent.(i think u understand).Tell your mother in law your exact problem.Tell her that you don't say no to massage but what makes it difficult is the dress.

If this does n't work tell the lady who is massaging that you are not used to this and don't like to be undressed.Wear a swim suit or something.

Drive this thought from your mind.You have ur baby to think about. pooja replied. Hi aasia,
Don be tensed. Without ur permission nobody can do anything.
you clearly explain ur MIL that u r from different custom. I feel urs shd be a love marriage and u need not worry abt this at all, u can also ask ur hubby to talk for u to his mom.
Even then if ur MIL insists you be firm and say a strict NO to this idiotic thing.
Be happy to expect ur baby. don think abt unneccessary things and confuse urself.