Relationships  Discussion Forum

Myself and my sister were very close to each other till our marriage (that's what I thought). We had a very tough life and were brought up by our uncle as we had no parents. Naturally life was a bed of thorns till our marriage. I got married into a mediocre joint family with lots of in-law problems. She got married to a highly educated man and settled abroad into a nuclear family. Eventually my parents-in-law expired and I too managed to settle abroad and am now happy. The problem is right from my sister's marriage I find a huge change in her behaviour. She did not even visit me even once neither speak to me properly over the phone. She exaggerates everything about herself and every time it is myself who takes the initiative to call her and speak to her. Even her emails have no depth. Even on important occassions it is I who have to call her (but never once she takes initiative). After speaking to her I still have a vague,empty feeling and regret spending money to speak to her everytime. She had been riding on a high horse even with others. At some point she was totally ignored by all but she eventually became sober and is now tolerated by all. People say that it is her husband who is responsible for her behaviour. But her behaviour is icy cold even whenI speak to her in her office/mobile etc. when her husband is away. Besides if a man is instigating his wife against her siblings isn't it the duty of the wife to see things through? Or is all relationship prior marriage a absolute zero after marriage wherein a person simply isn't the person anymore? My own inlaws tried to poison against my sister but it did not work. My sister simply seems to have turned icy cold. I feel I am talking to a total stranger. After my marriage I used to convey to her my inlaw problems as I thought I was close to her. My husband says that I should not have shared my dark problems with her as that could be the reason for thinking low about me. As she is my younger sister I have been tolerating her for many years always taking initiative to speak to her, advise her etc. My husband says simply ignore her. What is your practical advise? People who have faced this kind of problem please advise. fd replied. Hey x

well i have a similar case but she is my sister in law. She is the younger sister of my husband and married earlier than him.

We are higher middle class family, i work in a MNC and my husband too is very well educated .She married in a very affluent family- Bussiness class. She is a typical housewife and was mesmerised by her husband and their family and their wealth. She changed very much after marriage. Before she used to be a obedient daughter and sister ---sober and polite.

But now that she married, even my inlaws are scared to tell her anything....they are like a puppet in front of her. After my marriage she had lot of comparisions and complexs...and she even humilated my husband in front of her husband. During functions at her place....we were not treated so much with respect...as if all that matters to her is only her inlaws family...she never used to pay any heed to our presence....All is she happy coming to our place is when she gets lots of gifts -and as she is married in rich family...my MIL gifts her costly things...at that time she is happy. She wants respect all the time, but she never reciprocate the same with Us. She had issues with me too. Now we are again staying abroad...she is jealous....and she too never calls her brother, write mails...its only us who do all the things...(i do that just for the sake of my Inlaws) who will feel bad that we dont keep touch with their daughter.

I really hate such hypocrite person and wonder how can a person change so much that they have no love for their brother.Its a shame. and i really pity her.

I still feel very upset whenever i remember my issue with her in past and her arrogant behaviour and her attempt to even spoil my realtion with my MIL.

BUT THERE IS ALWAYS ONE IN THE FAMILY.

At first i also used to do things to please her so that we can have good relations but all in vain...she can never comeout of her mean thinking and comparisions. But after 5 years of marriage i have changed....she is not worth it!

Who is she anyways? and why do i do things for her ,when she cannot reciprocate the same. I cannot be mummnabhai and do gandhigiri...i m human.

So now even i show her some attitude. And belive me it really helps. U potray urself down, when u keep on saying bad episode about ur inlaws....our own family dont consider us high ,when we go and talk about our inlaws. But the moment u talk all nice things about your family...as to how lucky, happy and affluent u are....u are respected even at ur mothers place.

Your husband is right -that by telling bad episodes about your inlaws, she is not thinking high of u and secondly ignore her and show ur attitude.

Try not to call her, and u too try to be cold and busy when she calls.Dont let anyone take u for granted and Never take crap from anyone.

All the best!
Chakrika replied. I know it is difficult to do.But still try this out.Just ignore her.If u r happy now with your husband just try to cncentrate in your life.