Relationships  Discussion Forum

My hubby works for an MNC and he leaves his house in the morning and reaches home by 9-10 pm. By the time we are through with dinner and settle down, it's 11:00 pm and he's very tired and wants to sleep. I also work since the time he leaves and is also tired by night. I want him to have physical relation but he says he's tired. This makes me angry as the whole day, I wait for him, since it's the daily routine, I can't wait for weekends only for physical relationship. What should be done so that he also has the urge for it. Otherwise he's very loving and caring. JUST DO IT! replied. I think the problem you are facing is sadly very common today because of the long work hours and stress - specially in marriages which are a few years old. The only possible solutions is - relaxation. You have to try and de-stress your husband as soon as he comes back from work. You could start by offering him a cold drink like juice or lemonade as soon as he comes home. You could ask him to take a long bath possibly in a bath tub... A candle lit bath / dinner could be arranged for the two of you. A sexy nighty can also do wonders. And I think you should take vacations more regularly.
I hope some of these ideas help.
All the best. Shamsur Rabb Khan replied. Dear purvi,
Sex has nothing to do with fatigue, at least before intercourse. Illness has.Young bodies get fired once they find touch or just nearness; it has nothing to do with mood. Do you feel his erection? Do you sleep together? I wonder how does your hubby eschew the physical urge which is very natural. One thing is obvious: your hubby tries to avoid sex. I can not swallow it.
And one thing for you, perhaps you know your man without knowing him. Plese feel him, touch him and caress him. Don't you find any reaction? Or perhaps you are not telling the whole truth. His 'cares' and 'love'minus sex for you put me in a fix.
Also, some men carry a belief: don't indulge in frequent sex otherwise you will be older very soon. However, this option is a slight posibility. Please enlighten me about your hubby in detail--his past, his family, his tastes, his hobbies, his education, his likings etc.
Thank You
Indian Wife replied. Hey Purvi,

I am so sorry to hear this. However, there are somethings that you can do about it.. Here are some tips to spice things up between you two.

*) Never think that he has some other relationship, Ok? don't listen to the fools.
*) May be he is too tired to have sex. So what you can do is wait until he is fine. Give him a good snack soon after he comes home, with tea/coffee and let him do his usual routine and go to bed. You can wake up in the middle of the night and try giving kisses to him, hugging and cuddling him. There are more things..I hope you know those... and I think it should work..Since he will be fine that time after a good sleep, and he might want to enjoy sex.. He will probably respond to your signals and I hope you guys will have a good time. You might be thinking, for this, you have wake up in the middle of the night? Ya, thats better than making sex a time table entry for weekends? Right?
*) Give him a shoulder massage or whatever he likes, some people likes massaging , some like just touching their hair with your hands...Whatever makes him relax.. Ok? And then when he goes to bed, he will be afresh..


Hope this will work..

Bye


Shamsur Rabb Khan replied. Dear amit,
Truth is hard to digest. What is wrong in finding out the truth? Revelations have startled men and women. And late reveations are irretreivable. It is not advisable to calm down people with glassy talks, but hard realities must be explored. What if she continues talking and a silent relation reached a point of no return. I don't say her hubby is involved or have illicit relations. I just want her to be investigative, considerate and analytical wife who could save her future life. And lastly, negotiations at the time of war is deadly. amit replied. Hi Purvi,

Just dont worry or doubt him, talk it out with him, try some new things, like if he has the habit of taking a shower after he reaches, join him in there!

Sometimes, some chores you may insist doing after he has come home, may waste your time, just dont do any other work, after he comes home, feed him, be with him and join him in every damn thing, follow him to the toilet! Just try out!

Of course all these are possible if you two stay seperately, actually the very presence of elders may change relationships between husband and wife.

Good luck anyway. Shamsur Rabb Khan replied. Dear purvi,
Your problem needs careful handling. Firs of all, please verify the total office hours of your husband as you have mentioned. As a professional I know the maximum office hours. However, you have not mentioned the distance from your residence to his office.
It is likely that your hubby roames about with other girl as it has become a normal life style. Who is his boss? A man or a woman? Visit his office at odd hours to satisfy your confidence. Check his purse and dairies.
I lead a very normal sex life even though I spent a total of 14 hours daily. Fatigue can delay sex a day or two, not a whole week as you say.
Please check he has developed any venreal disease. If he is physically fit
he must have it. axc replied. I think you need to talk to him openly, tell your feelings, how it is going to affect your life.it is better if he change his job, if he can't reduce the time in work.it is good for him also.family or wife any day is first priority.