Relationships  Discussion Forum

I suffered a lot under my parents-in-law (as my husband was posted in gulf he could not help me much at that time). My parents in law pounded my self respect,made me to over work, abused me, bad mouthed about etc.However my brother-in-laws wife had good parental support and her husband listened to her (besides he earned very handsomely). He used to place a lot of importance on his wife and his parents could not play between him and his wife.The behaviour of my p-i-l was different toward my co-sister. They appreaciated her and idiolised her even for the most insignificant reason whereas I was made to do all menial jobs. I developed depression. Atlast my p-i-l have expired and I am now living with my husband peacefully. I took it up in my hand to call up my brother-in-law to keep up the family unity intact. Whenever he visits us it is I who take up the initiative to talk to him and his wife so that the link is not broken. However he keeps his relationship with just my husband and our children but does not even speak to me except 'hi-bye'. I feel I am doing mistake in taking initiative in keeping the relationship which should be from both sides (after all I went into my husband's family, it is their responsibility also to keep the ties). However my husband's relationship with this b-i-l's wife is smooth. They chat,laugh etc. I am in depression. Am I cheap. When I share this with my husband, he does not understand this and says he is helpless. At one time I asked my husband to stop talking to his brother's wife but he says that is bad but continues with normal relationship with his bother's family. I feel depressed because it was meaningless to have spent many years in my inlaws house and changing your thoughts,ideas, food, behaviour to suit them under the garb of Indian culture when even normal talks are not maintained. My bother in law is doing very good financially and has a string of worshippers (including my husband)behind him for the same. He holds a influential position in his company.Let me also add that I have no parental support. I feel cheap to always take initiative in the talking and maintain the family ties. He speaks with everybody in the room (and I have nothing but just to watch him talk). I wish him and his family for birthdays, festivals but he inturn wishes only my husband and children for their birthday and festival.How do I deal with this problem. Married ladies similar problems (but have managed to keep us their self respect in such a depressing relationship) need to advise me as I have no parents to guide me. friend replied. hey i just have one thing to say for you . care for thoes who care for you. if your relation ship with your BIL's wife is ok and she responds to you properly , then donot try to seek impotance of your BIL. if he responds to your hello , then only greet him oterwise don't even say hello to him.
sometimes tit for tat really works SONYA replied. Hi,

It's tough I know. But, you can't change
your Husband or your family.

I agree with you:that we have to keep up
the family unity intact....but, we can
only try to do our part the best we can.
(I see that you are the only one doing
it)

There are times that I too feel sad or
upset that my co-worker is getting all
the attention.....but, I don't let that
feeling progress any furthur. I have all
the attention I need from my husband--
even though this is different to your
story....the feeling is the same!--
I think.

You are not cheap. I think...It's is
because your BIL maybe... feel like you
are the one that doesn't like him. You
told us that you are the one that is
starting the conversation. But, what kind
of things do you say to them?

Maybe...You can learn from your Husband.
Watch how he is talking to his SIL.
He is obviously making her laugh. So,
have you tried joking around with them?
Or ask them questions. How was your day?
can you teach me this? ask anything that
doesn't require a yes or no answer.

By telling your Husband to stop talking
to them----is bad. Because if Your BIL
is not talking to you. And Hubby was told
to not talk to his SIL....then all
contact will be eliminated, right? (That
is not want you want)

I think...Your Brother In Law, do care
for you, it just that he don't know
how to talk. It is different when he is
talking to his wife. But....you should be
happy that he love his niece or nephews
You should be concern, if he is not
talking to them, okay?--cheer-up! ash replied. let your BIL and Sil go in hell.


I understand what is your problem. You are tensed because you are not being getting importance from your so called mess. But remember always if you want respect and importance and never give the same thing with an aim in mind to get back , always give just as your duty. And then if others are not receprocatin why the Hell you are worrying , your husband is happy with you I think that is the best jewel which you have got in your life.

These are also stupid thoughts which you are harbouring , just thank God with whatever you have.


Regards

Ash Saddy replied. I am in the same situation as u. Exactly same only differnce is that my MIL is alive. Not at all parent support. I stop talking to each and everybody in his family thou my husband relation with them is quite good. But the best part is that I dnt have any tension regarding his relation. I have freed myself with this nonsense thought. Best of this is MY WELL BEING. I think and practice other thing like I make my new friends and maintain my good relation with them. I am Happy. Thou when I see other people have so many relationship I do feel hurt. But than I understand HAR KISIKO MUQAMMAL JAHHA NAHI MILTA. KABHI ZAMEE TO KAHI ASMA NAHI MILTA. I now bother much about my children and my house and my husband. See they r yr husband family, they will definately going to keep relation thru yr husband and towards yr children, It u r only missing. Dnt feel bad for this stupid thing. Cheer up and Cultivate yr image and yr children image.
Bye