Relationships  Discussion Forum

One of my three sister in laws lost her husband within 45 days of her marriage. My husband & I decided to keep her with us as its not very comfortable to stay in a village as a young widow. (She is elder to me, but got married after us) Ours is a inter religion love-arranged marriage. Initially everything went of fine. But then my other Sil also joined to stay with us in the city saying she cannot cope up with her brother that is my brother in law. (They fight like cats & dogs). Things then began top change. We had got the elder sil a job and so the younger one. Things began to change then. Both these girls use to treat me as a servant. After two full years of tolerance I finally put my foot down for them to leave & they finally shifted to a hostel. My husband is very considerate. He understands me a lot, which my in laws don’t like. When I was wrong he used to reprimand me too.

Even after moving to the hostel I tried to be cool and ok. The after a year I was carrying and my widow sil had a terrible fight with me., after which my husband and I decided to stop talking to her. As usual my inlaws kept on insisting us to patch up but wee didn’t. She wanted to tie rakhi but my husband declined. This blew their top. My husband decided that she would not come for my child shower(7th month ceremony) in my house and relations strained more. My husband & I both were hurt because she didn’t come to see our daughter when she was born. Hence she was not invited for my daughters naming ceremony. I was at my moms place then and my husband had a big argument with my in-laws. My younger sil fought with me over the telephone when my baby was just two months old..

I have come to know now that when I all this was happening before the naming ceremony my husband was on tour for nearly 8 days. And during that period my widow sil came and stayed in my house with my inlaws who had come for my delivery. ( I was at my moms place) and while my younger sil was arguing with me to call her for the naming ceremony she was very much there at my place.
What a drama.! One moment they tell me that till we call her she wont step into our house , and when I & my husband are not around, they call her & make her stay.

I am very disturbed with this. I have three sil, one bro-in-law, MIL & Fil and all are party to this. My bro-in-law is quiet close to me. But he also did’nt tell me. In fact he was down with jaundice during that period, so I used to make dishes as per his appetite and send it to him. And this is what happens to me. I am very disturbed. I feel like giving them left right & centre, but my husband feels so hurt about it that he doesn’t want to talk about it. What should I do?
neetaad replied. I think you could keep away frm them but at the same time , have the PR ability to call them on funcitons without intruding them in your personal life . Your emotions need to be controlled and dont instigate your husband, the circle of life alwys bring the same incidents to you again Jasmine replied. Avnv, I can understand how hurt you must feel but your in-laws wanted their daughter to join in on the ceremony to celebrate the birth of your daughter and that is why they were playing the games, right? You are right to be upset and I believe you should follow Swati's advice and talk to your husband. He obviously loves you very much and stands by you no matter what. Tell him how upset you are when he is ready to face the situation as well. You say you are hurt but imagine how he must feel, these are his parents and siblings and have hurt him so much...he needs you beside him and your support and love right now. Fight for your husbands respect that is without question.

Just one thing seemed to bother me in your original message, both of you turned your SIL away, even on rakhi and then you got upset with her because she didn't come to see your daughter. How do you think she must have felt when you told her not to come for your 7th month ceremony and to tie rakhi. I am sorry, but fights happen in the family and if you want to stay mad at her and not allow her to come to these functions then why do you have expectations of her coming to see your child, she must be hurt as well don't you think.

My opinion, but I feel your husband was wrong to not allow his sister to come and tie rakhi. Rakhi is a very important day for brothers and sisters, I know because I cried for a long time when my brother didn't come one year to tie rakhi. It is sacred and your husband should not have done that.

Well past is past and what's done is done. I hope it all works out for you, but please don't strain yourself. You have a small child to take care of now, concentrate on her, yourself and your husband. Swati replied. Dear

You are just angry! You are so Lucky to have such an understanding husband who understands your problems and takes up for you and is always by your side against all odds. Why are you looking at getting back at them. You tell your husband to get it out of your system and like before he will take up for you and handle his family for you. You are just angry that your inlaws have hidden something like this from you - there are worse cases women are dealing with why are you spoiling your mood over something like this?