Relationships  Discussion Forum

We had a arranged marriage. Our courtship was of 6 months but within 3 months we knew we are not made for each other but as it was destined besides our strong efforts we got married. My hubby is a professional and very good person. I think our marriage is surviving only because of his behaviour. We had many bedroom fights. Just once the matter got worse and my in-laws interferred but that too they kept their distance. My in-laws are perfect in all respects except because of difference in opinions, the distance between me and them is very well maintained. Its almost like speak for need. As I am also working they alongwith the maids take care of my two children. My husband also offers help off/on. I am very particular about my responsibilities and never burden them. My hubby is a worshipper of his parents, I have no objection but the problem arises when he pressurises me to see them from his eyes. Recently, also it happened and as my son - old enough to understand everything became the victim of the whole scenario. My hubby wanted to clarify his father's point of view, which I refused to create a scene, in return he slapped my son and later started hitting me. My MIL jumped in and started accusing me of everything but to calm down the whole situation as my son was getting badly effected, I apologised to everyone without knowing my fault. This was the first time he hit me but I am dead scared as maybe he will make it a practice because I kept and keeping mum of the whole situation to avoid my chidren being dragged in. I am emotionally wreaked. I am going through a tough time as I adore and love my hubby immensely but don't know whether I will be able to love him anymore. Day and Night that horrible scene haunts me.....please advise, if anyone has gone through the same vahida replied. Dear sufferer

i have also passed through that situtaion so i think that you must give your husband one more chance if he is good otherwise .
definitely walk out , if he do it again .
BUt sometimes it happens that we lose control from ourselves. He is a human being , may be he had some other kind of frustration at that time , related to job , related to stress , any kind .
if every other thing is good then don't mak eit issue and just asked him in some intimate moments that why he did so and make him realise that he did a blunder . at that time, appreciate him also , remind him his all good things and that you respect him and don't want to loose respect for him and also now that children has grown up . only u 2 are there to take care of them .i feel that this helps a lot .
good luck DEEPA replied. DEAR SUFFERER
THERE ARE 2 STEPS FOR THE SOLUTION OF YOUR PROBLEM.
FIRST TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND VERY CALMLY ABOUT HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE INCIDENT. ASK HIM NOT TO REPEAT THIS. TELL HIM CALMLY BUT STRONGLY THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE.IMP: DON'T FIGHT WITH HIM OR YELL AT HIM WHEN YOU TELL THIS.TELL HIM HOW THE CHILDREN ARE AFFECTED. IF HE IS REASONABLY LOVING AND UNDERSTANDING THEN YOUR PROBLEM IS SOLVED PEACEFULLY.
IF HE STILL TRIES TO HIT YOU, RETORT STONGLY. THAT STRONGLY THAT HIS HANDS SHOULD SHIVER BEFORE RAISING AT YOU.
YOUR ONE COMPLAINT TO THE POLICE OR TO HIS HIOFFICIALS WILL TEAR HIM AND HIS PARENTS OFF.
BUT TRY TO SOLVE THIS PEACEFULLY AS FAR AS YOU CAN BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU LOVE HIM AND HE IS A GOOD PERSON OTHERWISE.

THERE IS NO ONE TO HELP YOU BUT FOR YOURSELF.BUT DONT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. TALK TO YOU CHILDREN ABOUT IT AND MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE HAPPENINGS.BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONE WHO ARE MENTALLY AFFECTED.
WISH U ALL THE BEST

DEEPA kk math replied. SUCH SHIT..... GET OUT OF THERE!!! I have been through a rough 1st marraige and its not worth it and never goes away....ever!! Falguni replied. I have never been in that situation, but have dealt with the situation involving in-laws.There is no body but you who will have to take charge, step your foot down now or never. If you take it first time no body will take you seriously there after. priya replied. My husband has a very bad temper. He is very stressed out and though he is a very nice person otherwise, he gets angry very fast and loses his temper with me and keeps shouting. My mil also keeps yelling at me, but i am a very adjusting person and try to maintain peace in the house. But once my husband slapped me, and I walked out of the house and went straight to my parents house. My husband came to get me later on, and apologised to me. My father was so upset he refused to look at my husband, but then my husband folded his hands and apologised to my father as well. I went back home with him, and after that my husband has never ever hit me again. He still loses his temper and we still fight.. it is not easy. but at least he NEVER hits me. I think it was the most sensible thing i have ever done. If you take a beating once, you are setting a pattern and soon he will start hitting u more often. I had 3 children when i walked out. you should do the same. you HAVE TO DRAW A LINE and make sure your husband knows that he HAS NO RIGHT TO HIT YOU! Jasmine replied. Dear sufferer -

Why should we have to put with this bullshit! Why should any man have a right to hit his wife for any reason? In fact he doesn't have the right! No matter what he tells you.

Please dont' take the abuse!!