Relationships  Discussion Forum

HI guys and gals i have been reading articles on this site for a while now and i thought i would be nice to join all of you nice people out there you guys give very good advises as far as relationships are concerned as well as sex.I thought i should share my story as well I live in the US in califorina like a lot of indians (i don't mean to offend any one ) i should say southasains.I had to get married to settle down (if you know what i mean \";green card\";) i am 22 years old i am married to a white guy he was my boy friend for 8 months before we got married he was very understanding of my situation when i had told him that i needed to get married in order for me to live in the US.we have been toghether for 2 year in march 2007 and we have been married for 1 year.Now here is the disturbing side of the story he has a 10 year old daughther (by the way he is going to be 29 in decenber and he never married he had a kind out of wedlock) I knew about the daughter from day 1 but it was not a problem back then because i was accepting him with her. 2 weeks before we got married he told me that he is in debt of $25,000 (now that is alot of money)upon asking he told me that in order for him to get join custody of his daughter he had to hire a lawyer and that costed him alot. plus back then he did not make as much money as he does now so he had to put alot of things on his credits cards which ended up like this (which i don't believe) i cried alot that night thinking what a mess my life is going to be after marriage but i had no choice but to marry the guy (unless i wanted to get deported) well we got married i got a green card but since that day on i have a hard time accepting the child because according to me (by the way i have a bachelors degree and i am a software engineer so i am an educated well qualified young woman)his daughter is the one to blame she is a terrible kid she has caused him all this money and she is an on going problem (excuse my language but a complete bitch for bieng a 10 year old please trust me on this one).As some of you may be aware that according to the US immigration law if you get a green card via marriage they issue a conditional card for 2 years then after 2 years have passed they want to make sure that the marriage is still valid and then they issue another one 10 year and once you have the 10years card for about a year you can apply for a citizen ship (if any lives in the states and in need of help with the immigration stuff i will be more then happy to help)so the bottom line is that i am stuck with this guy for another 2years and 5 months almost. after that i do plan to divorce him and move on with my life please suggest or comment what you feel about this and don't hesitate to ask any questions SONYA replied. Natasha:

We all know that this was just a desperate
attempt to live here in the United States,
and Your stories are just to common here.

I too live in California.......and I see
many people like you. Getting Married
simply for the right to live in the
U.S.

Natasha.....Yeah, most of the people here
will agree that this a very very Cheap
and selfish way to stay( I agree) but
I also know that this is your life...
and to be clear--Nobody here cares!!

All I can say: I hope that you find a
way to get out of this \" ugly Mess\" and
the next time you run into this kind
of situation...........make sure
everything is free and clear.(learn from
your Mistakes) Sowmya replied. What a mess you are..what goes in, comes back.you created this mess for your own selfishness now clean it by yourself. yeah replied. WOW.Just finished reading your original message & then all your responses to others...
I sense there is something weird/fishy going on.Either this is fake post or you are a somewhat cunning person.
No where you have mentioned that he forcing you or pushing you to clear his debts.....he has informed you about it.
I know how much soft ware engineers earn in this country & u r considering 35,000 as a burden?..If that guy had not agreed to marry you then you would have gone back to 'south Asia' & it would take you years & years of hardwork to save that kind of money!.may be your entire life.

What I would suggest is some how spend the next 2 years & 5 months with this person .If you think you need to thank him to getting married to you for your green card...then try to pay off that loan amount..if you don't feel thankfull at all & you think it is his problem then go ahead 'live' around this problem for the next 2 years & 5 months & divorce him..
I feel pity for that person who ever it is...his daughter is/has messed up his financial life, now the person whom he has married is also contributing her part in messing up his life emotionally. He should have remained unmarried as well & found a live-in relationship without marriage!.He is now suffering at both the ends..Looks like he is a soft hearted person & it s been taken advantage of by women, be it his daughter or his love... natasha replied. $35,000 for a green card fee i don't think so! if someone can't manage their own money why should i pay for them. I pay for myself because i work and manage my own money i have worked very hard to be where i am ! Anu replied. Beacause of pepole like u only, they deny visa to many reasonable reasons also.How come u married a person just to get green card.
In that case u can pay all his debut as green card fee.He helped u to get green card know. natasha replied. I am sorry that you feel this way but please put your selves in my spot there is more to this story i had to stop typing as i had to leave work i came to the US when i was 16 years old with my mom my sis and brother my mom's brothers (my uncles) said that they would give us sponser ship they applied (this was in 2000) a year later 9/11 happened and all the casses got backed up i got my work permit in 2004 we (mom sis and bro)all got our interview letters for (green card)the immigration in sep 2005 when we took it to my uncles asking them to go with us (since they sposered they had to go) they denied straight up saying that it is too dangerous for them to go here i was already 21 years old i had no other choice but to get married to stay in this country YES I KNOW I AM SELFISH AND I AM NOT ASKING FOR SYMPATHY EITHER i have lived here almost 7 years now and under no circumstaces did i want to be sent back as far as love is concerned i love my husband so does he as long as i don't bring up the finances GIRLS PLEASE PUT YOUR SELVES IN MY SPOT HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT BRING ANY FINANCIAL SECURITY TO THE RELATIONSHIP WHAT SO EVER? 4 months ago i decided to buy a house with him (and was willing to take all the reposibblity) we got our credit history pulled up instead of showing $25,000it was showing $35,000 upon asking i was told that he already told me this is how much he owed (that was not true) i love him very much it will be hard to walk away but if things stay the way they are i don't have a choice.the biggest thing that bothers me is he does not make any efforts to pay all his bill so that he can start saving i have done every thing possialbe to keeping a healthy married life form rubbing his feet to preparing candle light dinners trust me i have made a very good wife and i want to be married to him for the rest of my life if he is willing to change his spending habits we have talked about this a million times it always end up in a fight so its not just me who is selfish .he has no future planes as to where r we going to live where he is going to be 5 years from now its all about spending money on himself and being royal