Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I am married and I have 2 children aged 4 and 2. We stay abroad. Thr problem is my husband is a typical mama's boy. we have been married for 7 years but even now he says his mom is god and listens to whatever his parents and his younger sis say. he sends them expensive gifts and money everymonth though his sis and her hubby earn well. Everyyear when we come to India his parents dont let us visit my home. After lot of crying and cajoling I and my children get to spend a week. His parents and his sis completely brainwash him against my and my parents and relatives that they did not let him attend my sister's wedding though he was in the same town that time. I felt very humiliated and even my parents. My parents love him a lot as they dont have a son they shower us with lots of gifts. Whenever anyone comes from my parents town they send with clothes, jewellery for us.my husband doesnt bother about them at all. whenever i ask him to buy something for me or for my children he will say no money but he has got lots to send to his people. Everytime i visit my parents in law all of them together make my life miserable by finding faults and always scolding me. my husband supports them a lot. I feel so bad. So many times i tried to have honest talk with him and he scolds me saying he doesnt want to hear anything against his family and tells me that he will always support them at all cost. Now a days without my knowledge he keeps send my sis in law money to buy land whereas we have neither land nor house of our own in India. whenever i bring up this topic he says I can go and stay with my parents and he will apply for divorce. I am so depressed and i dont want to leave him just for the sake of my kids. They are so small and i dont want them to face all this now. Moreover my parents are old and retired and i dont want to hurt them also. I take care of my husband well. I cook his favorite dishes, take interest in his work, give him lot of support,but everything is just unappreciated. For him its only his parents and sister. I am living just for the sake of my children. My parents in law always fing faults with them also saying they are not brought up well and are not chubby and much more. After all this i lost interest in life and cry a lot when my husband is not at home. Please help me

s dost replied. Dear dost,
I have almost same age kids and I have been married for 8 yrs too.
Stop feeling bad for all this. You can't change them so you have to change yourself. Try to do something to channelise your energy. Devote yourself to your kids. Thats what I am doing because I have similar problem and more so because all my in-laws live here in the same house with me.
I think you should start stealing some money from your husband and hide it and then when you get an oppurtunity send it to India. This is one way of getting back to him. And just learn to pick your battles. See nobody can help you. You have to help yourself. When you plan to do something, disclose it at the last moment. I don't think people change. So you have to change yourself. If you become so submissive then people will suppress you more. If in future your husband threatens to divorce you then you should just tell him that this is your house so maybe he should get out. Just learn to be tough and the thing is that you have to take all this crap for your children. Don't give in for everything. Be manipulative and clever. Keep smiling and saying yes for everything but do what you like. First time you do what you want, your husband and his parents will be shocked and will yell and scream at you. Second time they will be miserable too but from third time they will start accepting your decisions though unwantingly. And as far as giving money to his sister is concerned, you can't do much about it.
Dost dost replied. Dear dost,
I have almost same age kids and I have been married for 8 yrs too.
Stop feeling bad for all this. You can't change them so you have to change yourself. Try to do something to channelise your energy. Devote yourself to your kids. Thats what I am doing because I have similar problem and more so because all my in-laws live here in the same house with me.
I think you should start stealing some money from your husband and hide it and then when you get an oppurtunity send it to India. This is one way of getting back to him. And just learn to pick your battles. See nobody can help you. You have to help yourself. When you plan to do something, disclose it at the last moment. I don't think people change. So you have to change yourself. If you become so submissive then people will suppress you more. If in future your husband threatens to divorce you then you should just tell him that this is your house so maybe he should get out. Just learn to be tough and the thing is that you have to take all this crap for your children. Don't give in for everything. Be manipulative and clever. Keep smiling and saying yes for everything but do what you like. First time you do what you want, your husband and his parents will be shocked and will yell and scream at you. Second time they will be miserable too but from third time they will start accepting your decisions though unwantingly. And as far as giving money to his sister is concerned, you can't do much about it.
Dost ruchi replied. Hi!
After reading your problem, the first thing that came to my mind is that, your husband and his family have caught your weak point. they know what to do to bother you or upset you. so try and refrain from showing your emotions to your husband an dhis family in thi s regard.

Secondly, i would suggest, start working towards getting economically independent. you will feel more confident once you start earning-wheather from home or outside.

He is also a father to your chidren, and i guess he being the only son, yyour children will be precious to their grand parents also, so dont worry. once you give them the impression that you can manage your life on your own and take care of your chikdren, they will get back on track!!

Please dont mind if i have been too harsh!!!

take care
ruchi Neha replied. Hello friend,

I felt very bad to hear 'bout ur problem. But losing interest in life & Crying is not the solution. U should take ineterest in ur children. they r ur future & regarding the realtionship between u & ur husband i can only say try to avoid any argument. If u tried to make him understand ur point 'bout everything & he didn't understand then leave the topic for few days or months & try to develop a healthy & loving relationship between both of u. Once he start to loving u again & care 'bout u then may be slowly u can make him understand that help ur parents & sisters but u have a family now so take care of that too & think 'bout the future of our children. so Don't talk 'bout this issue for some time .

As u said u lose interest in life so for reviving it again u can develop some interest in other things. Like in gardening, reading books or just making friends on internet or in real life too with whom u can go & enjoy..

Good Luck for ur life..
never give up hope..