Relationships  Discussion Forum

It's heart breaking to see so many educated women at the recieving end of their MIL's ire. I wonder where all the confidence, self esteem and assertiveness that's suppose to come with a sound education goes once a girl gets married. The social conditioning for generation is so strong that millions of women no matter how independent they are invariably bend to the dictates of their in laws.
I for one, have been blessed with a set of decent in laws. They have been pretty good to me( if I can overlook all the small skirmishes).
I cant say I'm the perfect DIL. She does not approve of a lot of things I do, voices her displeasure and sometimes does try to put me down. But that's OK, since I don't like a lot of things she does, I too voice my opinions and I don't bend backwards to please her either. Like all relationships ours have there ups and downs but we do make an effort to find common ground. She has been there for me at times of crisis helping me and encouraging me. She has been a big support at times of need and many a times her advice has proved to be invaluable. I grudgingly admit that I do sometimes unnecessarily look at my MIL through blinkered glasses.
There are positives and nagatives in our relationship. I try to look at the positives more than the negatives. Anjali replied. Kavita,
You raise a good point but its somewhat flawed. Obviously, you know how to react to your in-laws behaviors. The thing is, not many women are able to do the same. People may tell them to be strong, and assertive and all, but it doesn't happen overnight....and of course, who knows what type of situations they face in their own homes? Women come to these forums for a helping hand, a virtual shoulder to cry on and to get a piece of advice from an objective point of view....don't question their issues or motives. These types of problems know no bar of education,religion or whatever...yeh sab gharo mein chalta hai. Depends on the individuals involved....

anyway, just my thoughts.
Anjali ic replied. Kavita said \" I wonder where all the confidence, self esteem and assertiveness that's suppose to come with a sound education goes once a girl gets married.\"

God knows. Its very easy to ignore small mistakes.

Kavita said \" She has been there for me at times of crisis helping me and encouraging me.\"

When my husband lost his job, my mil instead of consoling and motivating my husband kicked him out of the house. When I found a job in another state, my mil told me that I am planning to run away.
What does education have to do with handling such remarks ? Ignore and accept people as they are and live gracefully. Does education teach conflict resolution, handling difficult people ?

Since you are lucky in having an understanding mil, do you conclude that its your educational background. Many dils who come here are also post graduates etc and have mils who are educated and working. So where does all the education and modern world living/thinking of mils go when their son gets married ?

I dont understand what ur trying to say. Are you saying that you are clever in handling ur mil or is it that you are bored of reading about bad mils and want to say about one case where a person has a good mil or educated dils should not be behaving this way ?
isha replied. know what its really nice and surprising when someome say there MILis good or there DIL is good.i personally feel is get this name fully depends on how good one husband is.how he manages these relationships,because he is the one who binds them both,he knows his moms nature he knows his wife better then anybody .c finding faults and some small things as u said ,may be similar things which we faced with our parents.but we find it hurt when thes comes from our inlaws.
unless some dirty things like complaining behing us to our husbands ,and playing dramas ,i feel other things can be ignored .
it will be gr8 if we can only ignore some small thing (it will be hurting for some time)try to keep our husbands,inlaws and ourselves happy.
goodluck.