Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi everyone,
My name is Tanya.I got married 3 years back and am living here in USA with hubby.I have had the usual in-laws problems but dealt with them and now they seem to have become more understanding.
I have a wonderful,caring husband who loves me and care for me like anything.
Please don't think of me as mean or selfish,I just want to vent out everything.Please tell me if my thinking is right or totally wrong.
My hubby is not a mamma's boy but he does love his mom a lot,of course.He cares a lot for his family and calls them up 2 times a week.In his heart he even feels bad that he is here and his parents are alone in India and i know he wants to go back someday.He wants to meet his family at least once every year.
The thing is i have some friends here (2 friends)who have told me their hubbies do not even care to call India very often.They want to stay back here forever and do not bother about being with family.They have not gone back for 3 to 4 years in a row at times and do not even miss them.In fact the wives have to tell their hubbies to call their parents.Now for some reason i feel bad that my hubby is not one of them.His parents have given me serios mental agony and so i have chosen to ignore them,not call them and am cold towrds them.Now i feel maybe this is the reason why my hubby has become even more protective towards them.Friends i do not want you to answer me with abuse and insults.I do not want to hear the right thing but yes the right thing FOR ME.
For my situation.Put yourself in my situationa and please try to be sympathetic with your reply,
Thanks friends,
Tanya tm replied. hai!!
ur question abt guys mentality tht too emotional routine is like an issue abt asking which finger helps u in holding a delicate glass plate alot.
i mean there r equal %of guys u r totally attached to their pasrents,some show outside like they r attached n caring,some really love thm but dont want to show while some really love to be in a hai bye relationship..
so if u start compating u will end up getting nuts all abt this..
so its wise to leave it.as far as i c from ur words ur guy is the kind of one who wants a healthy relationship with all..
so u shud really appreciate hs attitude towards thm n u.as long as he is happy in coping up with u2 thereis nothing wrond.so quit confusing urself on this issue n feel gud abt u n ur partner.u will really make an ideal couple..
regards
tm !! NoName replied. Tanya, I think you should feel happy that your hubby is neither this extreme nor the other extreme. What is wrong in loving his parents ? Dont you want your children to love you ? Dont think this way ..it will only ruin your own peace. Only a responsible son can be a responsible dad ! I think your friends hubbies are weird !!
Today when they are young they may not feel the need to call back old parents or meet them but once they grow old ..hit mid life crisis .. they can never be happy . The guilt of ignoring and abandoning parents will eat them from inside !
I understand you mental agony .. but such things happen in every family .. and thats between you and ur ILS right ?? so why drag ur hubby inbetween ? Give him his space ..he will love you even more !
Normally we women during the early stages of marriage do feel jealous abt hubby liking his parents .. but after few years you will feel content at heart that he is done his duties well !!! Old parents cursing son or dils will make no good to us .. So be happy he calls them .. talks to them and at the same time doesnt force you to talk.
I would say there is nothing wrong if once a while you speak few sweet words with them ..
I am married for 7 years and stay away from ILs but everytime when my hubby calls them and talks to them .. I do get some satisfaction at heart ..i cannot explain this . And even if he has forgotten to call .. I remind him !

Take care ..
No Name

sangini replied. I think what ever you have mentioned is very normal rather i feel that your friends whose husbands you are refering here as not calling up their parents is something really abnormal just imagine my friend how would we feel when our children grow up and ignore us , you know you should give respect to them if not equal atleast a little bit you said your husband is nice he is giving all what uu need care love etc then i think he atleast deserves that his parents be treated nicely serious agony what type of agony you said they are nice to you don't look in others life and compare and spoil yours in this forum there many people who really have problem in whose parents sit in india and direct their sons to dao this way behave this way etc atleast your life is not like one amongst them and moreover stay cool enjoy just make sure he gives the due respect to your parents rest whihc family doeasnot have misunderstanding as long as they don't hurt your privacy and life then why get worried and spoil what you have please its a request enjoy and imagine if a person cannot be faithful to his parents like the ones your friends have then how will he be to his wife he can any time goto another woman and least bother of his wife etc. and last but not the least you know its sounds stupid but believe when u will be nice to them you will feel a peace in your heart your post shows you are convinced with your friends and their husbands attitude but still want to know what people think well i am wife of somebody too and his elder brother doesnot work and father expired 2 yrs back their mental and financial liabilities on us but as far as my husband is investing peoperly and taking care of my i am satisfied i don't even think that side otherwise sooner or later i will ahev a negative appraoch and spoil everything but at the same time i have set limits that these problem should never husrt our family. tm replied. hai!!
i think ur hubby is a only son.and hey there is nothing wrong with wot u feel.its not true tht becos of u he is feeling over protective,its just he is the typeof guy who is emotional towards his parents.tht is very much apparent as he is not forcing u to talk to them or even argue with u abt u not talking to them.u r totally out of scene cos of the above reasons..
so the lat thing tht remains is his personal love for his parents.its the fact tht he too realises thtthey have caused u mental agony is the reason y he is not bothering u to talkwith them.now thts real decent thing for him to do
as long ashe is caring and loving towards u y do u even think of anything else..just quit worrying and enjoy ur life..
all the best
regards
tm!!