Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi I need our help.

i have been married for four years.my husbands family are from bangladesh. i lived with my in laws for one year, then i moved to london because my husband got a good job.in the mean time i have been studying and working. whenever i used to get holidays i would visit my inlaws. so for the past 3 years i have been visiting them regularly as i thought i should keep a good relationship. when i used to go i would face many problems but just used to groan to my hubby, he would try to comfort me but did nothing about it. i just thought i m here for the holidays i might as well be strong.last year i went to bangladesh with my inlaws. when i went there my MIL wouldnt let me go to any of my relatives house. i used to get upset and depressed,as i felt she was controlling me too much, i felt my rights been taken away, i am a muslim and i feel that God even gives more freedom to humans than MILs. i only visited my MILS relatives. I didnt even see any of my FILS relatives- shows who is ruling the family.

now my MIL wants to move with us because my husband is the only son. well i didnt object to it. recently my MIL GOT ANGRY OVER SOMERHING LIKE ALL MILs do and said to my hubby tell your wife not to step a foot at my house. My hubby has 6 sisters, all are very angry and annoyed with me .i tried my utmost to keep this family happy, but they are still angry, if one person is angry the whole family gets angry.when i heard they are all angry i just got depressed and cried everynight.
weeks went they never called, but i decided to be nice and went to visit them, when i went they just attacked me. they said its my duty to look after them like all bengali women do. basically they want me to be infront of them all day and do what the want me to do. i think i was extra helpful and nice thats why this is happening. My FIL said that there never has been a problem in the past then i dont see any problems living together. i just thought to my self why did i not speak out , when i got angry i never said a word now its seems that there is no problem.

Everytime my hubby talks to my MIL she says to him to be strong because i am ruling him. we have never had any problenm with each other and my hubby knows that i am not ruling him in any way, but my MIL keeps repeating this. i cant understand why.
can anyone give me a suggestion. Should i let my in laws move in with me? and just suffer, if not how should i tackle this. please help me.
i have been depressed for 5 months its effecting my studies and my rp with my hubby. Sneha replied. Hi Rayhana,

Join the club :-)

Firstly stop being sensitive.I know its difficult but u have to do it.Be strong.
Your husband is the only son, so dont expect to take sides.You got to fight your own battle alone(unfortunatley u are one against 8 of them. No matter how much u try to be in good books with them they will never be happy. If your mil doesnot want you to step into her house be happy less tension for you. Just be strong and put up a very brave front. Dont ever show your tears to them they will be happy to see you so misrable. So why give them a chance. Remember never ever to pick up a fight with them but if they tell u something that u dont like convay it to them.
Your mil is feeling that u have taken her son away from her that could be the reason she keeps telling her son to be strong. U should not get worked up for this. I think you will be inviting lot of trouble if you let them come and stay with you. Its ok for holidays but not otherwise. Its entirely up to you and ur husband to think about this issue and reach some kind of a compromise.
All the best

s replied. hi