Relationships  Discussion Forum

Thank you all very much for understanding and taking your time to give advices to me and other girls like me. Your suggestions are so wonderful…It just cheers me up. I don’t feel as bad after reading all the posts. My mind set has changed a lot. I think I am gaining some inner strength, getting ready to confront things and make things better for me.
THANK YOU…..

Jyoti replied. Hi Preity,

I just read your post. Most of us seem to have mils and even fils at times that bring unhappiness in our homes, I know in mine it is. They change colors, create misunderstanding, and at the end of it all, the dil is left feeling hurt, frustrated, confused, angry and what not. And the only thing to do is go get inner strength to deal with it. How to attain that strength is all up to you, depending on your individually and your personal situation at home.
I felt very helpless and then after i ran into this website, the suggestions are invaluable.
My comment on your situation --

1. I would stop taking help from your mil. Just because she helps out a little in the house, she's using that as a way to yell and discount the efforts you make. If daycares don't work, then go for play dates with other families. change your work to part time or something more flexible, maybe one you can do from home, just get creative. It will be difficult, but atleast you won't have to go through the emotional drama.
don't let her cook, just cook in advance, have handy pre-cut veggies, so you can quickly put things together. if she says something, just say something like 'aap ko aaram karna chahiye. ye sab karna mujeh aacha lagta hai'
slowly if you take complete charge of everything, she may start getting bored and may ask to go back herself.

with your husband -- if he's so stubborn, then just say 'mummy ko abhi aaram karna chihiye. aur bacho ke saath yeh time toh phir wapis nahi milega. toh mujeh part-time job karna chahiye' just rearrange your life around the whole issue to taking control of your home. once your kids are in school you won't need to be home as much and you can resume your full time job.
from my exprience, having flexibility at work has helped me spend more time at home. where before my mil used to do things sweetly and then back stab me by complaining how i don't look after the home enough. so now, that i do everything -- i mean from opening the windows to cleaning, cooking, shopping...she can't balme me for making her work. now she'll say stuff like if i help out around the house, it will make your life easy, i just say, 'nai mummy aap aaram karo. sara jeevan to itna kiya hai. abhi humara turn hai aapki seva karne ka' she just shuts up after that.
she'll complain about the way i do things, i just ignore her comments and continue to do as i think appropriate. and if probed too much, i'll justify my position.
also, with your hubby, i'd try with small things, like...if you are in the kitchen cooking, say ,' could you come here for a moment, can you pass me that, could you stir that, can you get that napkin, can you pour this into that bowl'. for small things usually they don't care and dont' see it as helping, but it'll help out a little. and he'll see how much you have going and will be more understanding.
good luck. hope your life gets smoother. just focus on your children and husband and ignore the tantrum. i just repeate a mantra every time i get frustrated and lose my temper. helps me keep my mouth shut and deal with situtaion more calmly.

good luck