Relationships  Discussion Forum

Friends iam new to this board but i have seen some good suggestions hence i thought of writing my problems.3 years back we got tranfered from Bhuvaneshwar to Delhi,initially i was looking forward because we had a bigger home here.but after coming and settling down i find that dreams are shattered.I find that people here talk something and do something else they try to make a fool of others,it is not that in other places people dont lie or con people but here it is the extreme.no wonder it is the centre of politics.I have an ailing motherinlaw whom i have to look after,my daughter who is a bright student in a reputed school,iam a housewife eventhough iam Msc.chemistry i cannot work because i have to look after my MIL.people here respect you if you are working,if you have full time servants and if you can drive a car.if you dont have these three things then they look down upon you.i have seen ladies with streaked hair with improper way of dressing talking big about clubs,discos,kitty parties etc.etc. who also bring their children in big lavish cars to the activity centre where i take my daughter,i find none of them talk sensible anything good for children or their education most of the children end up for tutions because the mothers are busy in decking up themselves.If someone is not working she is called a BEHENJI here and if you manage the work with parttime servents they think you are poor and cannot afford one.if you buy things the shopkeepers are very very sweet to you but when you go to return in case there is some fault in the item they forget you and plainly refuse that it is not from their shop.people here fight for parking spaces,each house has 2-3 big cars just to show off they have occupied others place illegally and when one approaches to sort the matter they fight like people who stay in dirty localities.i know there isnt much solution to this problem because we have to wait till our next transfer but i just needed to vent out my feelings.i dont have friends here but i dont want to be a part of the kitty party culture i wonder how can i tackle tese double standard people they are big showofferes,hypocrites and i hate them from the core of my heart.Hsa any one felt the same for the people in Delhi?? kavita replied. I also come from the same place as u. I can very well identify with ur problems. People in transferable jobs(except defence personel) who do not get to stay in 'prescribed colonies' often face such problems. Till date we must have stayed in 6-7 cities,and we r not frm the defence background. Of all the places that I've stayed Delhi is the most hostile of the lot. The average Delhite, the people you meet on a everyday basis r genrally rude, agressive and untrustworthy(there r always exception to the rule). A pucca delhite told me, the culture here is called 'the refugee culture'. People here r loud, showy, sly and in-your-face. They do not believe in the principle of simple living high thinking. Again there r exceptions to the rule. But all hope is not lost. All u need to know is how to deal with them. Another imp thing is for us to be a little more accepting of different cultures and of people who r radically different frm us. You need not become like them but can try to accept them for what they r. And snap out of the complex that since u r a house-wife u r a gud fr nothing. Managing a home is the toughest job in the world(acc to a Havard Business Review Report). Next time anyone asks u what u do, tell them that u r a Home-manager! That would shut a lot of mouths. Moreover the degree(MSc) that u carry, many here wouldn't even dare to think of going that far. As for making friends its not easy in a new place. If you r not comfortable with the kitty party scene then u can try joining an NGO. If u can spare a few hrs in a week then join as a volunteer in a NGO of ur choice, or u can join some music, dance or craft classes to keep yourself productively occupied and who knows may find some like-minded friends there too. So keep the faith and happy staying in Delhi! sonia replied. why do u think that all people are similar? I am from a different state and have been living in delhi for years now, but still i have friends of my compatibility here. What u should do is to step out and actually look for such people. I am myself like u, i.e. dislike people with pretensions and all my friends are genuine. actually i think u are within the circle of upper middle class people. There u r bound to find such people only. So i would suggest u to explore out of this circle itself. But i think even if u are unable to find people u like, u should just give a damn to the people around and live peacefully. Why should u think of such people at all. U must acknowledge the fact that such people r actually very disturbed in their personal lives, and so they seek enjoyment outside their houses. U should actually pity them that they are not blessed the temparament and environment that u have. kuntala replied. Have felt this everywhere, whether in Bangalore, New York or Russia. Mam, its just change of environment which you have to slowly get adjusted. Agreed, such people are superficial, but just like you find them strange, they find us strange. These things happen initially, but later you get used to such phoney characters. Whatever it is dont lose your self confidence in the long run. We cant be in our comfort zone all our life. Change is constant, accept it. Ritika replied. I am not a Delhiite (or a punjabi) but am a north indian and am amazed at the verbal bashing here for people who do not belong to the south indian culture.

Do you guys really feel this way? oh man....

I can only say that I have lived in all the 4 metros and for quite some time in each..and had friends from all regions and communities...

snooty people and the kitty party kind of people are everywhere...

some punjabis might be more flashy in terms of clothes, jewellery and make up etc... but some others are also warm and friendly...ready to help you in a big hearted way...some bengalis are very snobbish about their bengali culture and think that the real india lives only is in Calcutta...but some other bengalis were the most artistic, intelligent and forward thinking people I have ever met..some south indians in Madras I found were so casteist (brahmin or non brahmin was the first question I would be asked when looking for a house to rent) and discriminatory if you could not speak the Tamil language that I was shocked at first! But there were even more south indians I met (in tamilnadu and kerala) that went out of their way to help when they realized I could not speak their language...one woman in Thanjavur even spoke to the auto driver sternly to make sure he took me to the right hotel and charged the right price..Bombay people were the most friendly and bindaas people I ever met..even though everyone seemed to be in a hurry...one woman invited me to her house for lunch after just 15 minutes of talking in the bus..but then some bombay people always seem to be in a hurry and stand offish...

What I'm trying to say is that generalizing your views for an entire region or community of people based on your very small sample is very short sighted...all it will do is close your mind against forming future friendships with new people you meet...

As for your specific problem Veena, why do you associate with the kitty party people if you do not like them? Why don't you make friends with your neighbors (who have similar age kids as yours). Go to a different activity center where there are more like minded people...If somebody belittes you because you are not working then just tell them firmly that being a home maker is a full time job also...but people who gossip so meanly and are so small minded can be in any caste, region or community in India,Veena...They are even present here in the US...does that make all the americans show offs or snooty? nopes...all it does is prove that people are people everywhere...small minded and big minded both kinds exist...it is up to you to find a few that match your wavelength and make friends with them...

All the best and take care... prerna replied. hi veena,
i'm a delhite, born n brought up here n i totally agree with u that peoples values have changed, they r more materialistic n insesitive but its happening everywhere,if u can say like this for delhi i can bitch abt bangalore too. but i'd like to tell u that basically delhi people r very warm but with so many immigrants it has lost its old charm. more snobish n showoff attitude has come but u find all kinds of people everywhere u just cannot categorize good or bad. so i'm forwarding a hand of friendship, hope we'll become good friends
all the best hema replied. Hey it is not just delhi...i think all big metro citys are like this..i noticed even in bombay..some of them..not all..basically MONEY TALKS my dear...showoff it is very common in india..i think south indians are more reserved & they don't pork their nose in others world.And good thing about north indians they are jolly people , want to enjoy & have fun. Rao replied. very very true jaya replied. this is what most educated people who come to live with these northindians experience.true they are big showoffers specially punjabi culture terrible all they can do is bitching and balle balle __ replied. I basically dislike north indians... They are sweet in front of u and bitch about u behind your back! RR replied. Well, i dont think everyone is the same.
I have lived there for 8 years.. have good sensible friends
and did not join any kitty party :)
basically try and find people of your taste.. they are definitely there.