Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been crying since this morning without any shoulder to lean over. I want some one who can feel my pain and understand me. I just cant vent out. Hopefully, writing my heart out will help me to vent and feel better. I left my family and everything and came to US 8 yrs ago for my husband. Today I am all alone as my husband is not the same person now that I married 8 yrs ago. He is a nice person and loves me a lot but he never respected my family and is verbally abusive. I love him a lot too. So why do I have to be a victim of his impatience and verbal abuse. He even hit me yeterday when I was trying to save my son (2.5 yrs old) from him. He was beating the kid because the poor kid was talking too much when he was watching a movie. He thrashed him on bed. My son got some bruises on his neck as well, he started beathing fast and I got worried because he has Asthma. I just asked my son if he was okay and the hell broke, mu husband started beating himself, started abusing me, my family and even hit me. Why do I deserve treatment like that???? This morning he threw another tantrum in the morning by accusing me for not making dinner last night. He abused my father at that time..I can never tolerate this. His mother was in the kitchen last night. When she is in the kithen…she does not let me wander around by her behaviour. She does not like me at all. I always try to be nice to her, but she is not going to change. Kids were cranky so I took them upstairs. He was not talking to me anyway, If I would have asked him for dinner I knew that he would have misbehaved me in front of his parents.

I am educated and helping him out equally with finances. What is he doing to help me out? He does not help me out with anything at home. He is making the things worse for me. On top of that I have deal with his mother who is living with us. She never leaves any opportunity to make sarcastic comments on my parenting skills and on whatever I do. I have to deal with her mood swings….It’s just too much …I just cant live like that. I want to end my life but then I think of my two beautiful kids (2.5 yrs and 6 months old) that I love more than anything else in this world. They are anything and everything to me…and because of them I am going to keep myself alive. They are my reason to live in this world. I have to live for them and raise them to become good human beings.

I am in a dilemma right now…and my problem is that I just cant live like that. I want to terminate my marriage but I don’t think I have courage to take the action and at the same time I think of my kids..I am not sure if this is the right thing to do. But no body knows that I am dying every moment with the situation right now…Oh God…Please give me a lot of strength and courage so I can raise my kids alone or make things better for me…I don’t need any money from any one…I just need my kids….

Someone please help me ….I just don’t know what to do…
sneha replied. next time ur husband throws his tantrums husband keep ur self calm and vedio record all what is happening
u can also record the same behaviour if yr mil does it
later try to talk to ur husband when he is in better mood and then show him how he behaved ...self realisation helps a lot
Confused and Disturbed - Aarti replied. Hello Everyone,

Thank you very much for your prompt responses. I am feeling much better now. I was so sad yesterday, because I could not share my feelings with any one. Posting to this message board, and then getting some advices from thoughtful people like made me realize that I have someone too.

Well friends, things are much better, my husband is realizing that he has done something wrong, even though we haven;t had any open conversation yet, but he is behaving normal. He tried to talk to me but I was avoiding him. I noticed that my MIL was very happy because of all that drama.

I think I will make him realise and tell him that how badly he hurted me. He is fine with kids. I still dont know...if I can call 911...I know that he can not harm kids. He is very nice and caring. It's just that when he loses temper he does not say what he is doing and what he is saying...

I need to do something for his Anger and Stress Management...Please advise if you know something regarding this.

Once again, THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR KIND WORDS...I am much better now... Daisy replied. of course i can understand what u r going through but why the hell do u hav to suffer like this??? hav u gone crazy?? WHY HAVEN'T U CALLED 911 STILL????
SANGINI replied. Hi,

Please don't even think of suicidal attempts etc, your kids and your life is not to spoil for you are a strong women please my freind. Have an open conversation with your husband ask him what is wrong with him, is something bothering him is there something on the work side etc, tell him that you both need to talk very frankly with out behaving like uneducated people, tell him that you both should respect eachother and that respect is mutual. tell him that the kids are growing and when they see all this they might behave in the same manner and it might effect their mind. If you feel the conversation is changes him, then try to go out with him once or twice , may their some kind of pressure if he doesnot take this chance and change. Then my friend its time for a wake up and more over the good news is you are independent women financially, saperate from him tell him and that you the kids are going their way enough is enough may be bythinking that he is going to loose you he will be scared and change.
Hope things change and life gets better tell us what happened did you succeed, but believe me as you said your kid has asthma i am feeling bad for him take care give your chidren space to breath if your husband behaves in this way may be you will not be able to groom your children.

Lots of support.
Best of luck

di bh replied. Hey do not think of any drastic measures.your life is too precious to waste like this.You have 2 wonderful kids.Think about them.Let me tell you i have been there.
Even i am in US. i got married to my husband 4 years back. it was arranged. I am an engineer but i cant work becoz of visa reasons.for one year my husband was ok in b/n he was laid off but i helped him find a job update his skills.but after getting a job we didnt even move to job site he started abusing me.I thot once let it be but it went on for 4 years i was too scared to take action.Then 6 months back i cudnt take it anymore and when he physically abused me i called 911 and he was arrested. it was tuff for me as i didnt know driving and didnt have money i did it anyway as i thot i had enuf of this. my in laws took advantage and instigated him and me when we separate to think about separation. i dont know my hubby had a remorse he said no and even i said lets see. they were disppointed and when my husband sent feelers thru friends then i took him back. and now he ok and sorry for it. sometimes it takes such drastic measures to make them realize our suffering.the point of this before it goes out of hand u need to take charge and take care.your kids also need your love and attention.
if you have mil living with you u need to act fast. those people will take pleasure in separating husband and wife.my in laws did it and still doing it but i give them right there.my situation is different as i dont live with them.
you are a smart ,working woman. think about your next course of action.next time your husband does it please tellhim you will call 911 .in my case i did it but still my husband hit me lots of times but at last i called anyway. he had no idea.when cops came.Next time take the kid out of the scene the kid will be disturbed for some time becoz of this. these are his formative years he shud have good surroundings.
Take care and please do post about what u did .We are all here to help each other out.Take care . Bhavana replied. First stop all suicidal thoughts from your mind immediately.

Now take it easy ,and know that you are a very strong woman to endure this cruelty.So if you have any doubts about your courage and mental strength totally remove it from your mind okay.

Next time your husband abuses you ,tell him you are going to take drastic steps to put an end to this by calling 911 and he has to stop this nonsense.I know you may feel that its difficult but its not,you are not doing anything wrong, you are only trying to protect yourself and your kids from abuse.

Secondly you say you are working,I think its time for you to at least open another savings account and start putting in money for yourself and don't blow it on your husband or for your husband.

If your husband tries to blackmail you regarding calling 911,tell him that some of your friends are aware of the situation and they will back you up.

You need to be bold and confident dear,tell your mil the same thing.There is nothing wrong in being firm when you have to.You have tried your best by being silent and bearing it all with so much of patience right???

I think now is the time for you to stand up for yourself and your kids.Believe me when I say this,i know I have said this a thousand times but here I go again,children who are abused always end up in abusive relations or end up becoming like their parent who is abusive.
Now I am not saying this to scare you at all ,I am just suggesting that you need to be firm in this matter and stop taking any abuses hereafter.

I need you to wipe your tears and be firm.
If you EVER feel the need to walk out of the marriage do so and never feel guilty about this,You can do another thing by getting away from your husband by booking flights and going to your parents place for some peaceful time away from your husband.

All the best ,do let us know how you have changed your life.Will pray for you and your kids.