Relationships  Discussion Forum

I always wonder why girls after marraige have to tolerate their in-laws? Hardly anyone has been happy staying with husband's parents , then even today why don't women have guts to tell their hubby to stay in seperate houses(even if its 1 room kitchen) Now stories of support in old age & financial troubles can go on forever. But are today's parents so weak & mick right from the day of their son's marraige that they have to stay with him and his wife. I don't think so.
Also in India girls are taught how to behave as a obedient DIL. Why are there no such thoughts of being good husbands(thats a seperate thread) and good in-laws? In what way do most in-laws(including FIL) help their DILs. Do they try to give their DILs a break from work at home, help with kids, take up some responsibilites so the couple can have more free time. You cannot except help and care when you have nothing but unwanted advices to offer. Also today women are more educated, they want more freedom and a space of their own. They are not happy with a husband who just provides monetarily for the family & does nothing else, with in-laws who are always only for taking and vanish in thin air when it comes to giving. Indian husbands and in-laws(including FIL) need a crash course on self-improvement o.w the situation is going to be bad in few years. Any comments are welcome. SMK replied. LN your the girl !! I wish I could send this to my MIL. One day she was so mad at me for not doing things her way that she gave me n my hubby a long lecture about \";how equality has ruined aajkal ki bahuen\";. If only she understood that love & understanding was more important any of this saas sasur ki seva stuff.
I think most problems arise when MIL forget how nasty their MILs were to them. Give DILs some privacy, space & respect & not be so over protective about their little boys. If they let go of their insecurities half the trouble in this saas-bahu world would be over. Hosai replied. I have always wondered the same thing. Why do girls have to always put up with the inlaws? It is not like the men have the same issue with our side of the family, they just automatically get accepted and first class treatments from the girl's side. I think it is just the way the world is in some parts of the globe. It is just the way some people are brought up sadly, to oppress their DL's and swallow her up whole when she crosses the boundary from her home to their home. It is just the temperament of these crazed cruel INLWS and it is the way they think and have been brought up to think. But not everyone is like this, and you know, I have girlfriends who have really good inlaws. For them, it is the matter of the more relegious the guys parents are, the more they fear God and submit to God on account of their faith, and treat all people \";justly\";, they accept their daughter-in-laws and everyone lives happily. This is my experience here, in America, and just my point of view. So not everyone has it like this.
It is just that since the begining of time, women have not been given their due rights and have been oppressed, and this is just one way the intolerance of the female sex is been going on even today. That is why DLS get treated so bad sadly. AB replied. LN-- you wonder why boys/husbands are not taught about adjusting/contributing at home/being sensitive/respectful to elders. Because, gender inequality runs through very foundations of our society. Realizing very well that women can be bullied into behaving and believing whatever is doled out to them; the founding fathers of our system taught the lesson of \";Sacrifice and love\"; to the women and only women of the society. And it is the middle class or the society conscious class that follows these traditions from fear of bein ostracized. Otherwise, there are strong women, who have revolted against societal norms..but not everyone can. This world works on the principal of \";stronger rules the weaker\";....if you dont want to be ruled by unfair rules.. keep fighting for your rights..thats the least you can do as a woman! DJ replied. I dont agree to u that girls have to tolerate their in-laws..If v start thinking it this way then u n me wouldnt have born....its just that there has always been a difference of opinion in either cases...since the in-laws or for that matter ur own parents, they r old n u r young...wat they have seen n experienced , u musnt have...so there is always that since the views r different, u tend to fite back...n hence u say that u have to tolerate the in-laws....have u ever said that u have been tolerating ur own parents???? then y does the difference arise here???no parents r weak..its just that they have a special bond or attachment with their son/daughter....i agree with u wherein u said that y cant there b good husbands...even the husbands have to b good...if the husband knows how to tackle his wife then his wife too will know how to tackle his parents...there must b a few cases wherein the Fil n Mil is just for taking n not giving..but i have seen many cases wherein the Fil n Mil want to give but the Dil doesnt want it....she bcums so selfish that she doesnt want to give her own child to her in-laws to play with...she wants to keep the child only with herself... then where does the question of Fil n Mil not giving help to then arise????? may b u must have had a -ve experience of life but i have had a +ve experience..n so just by thinkin from a -ve pt of view n cumin to rong conclusions, y not think +vely n cum in a rite conclusion, isnt it??