Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi there..I would like to talk about my Bhabhi..they have been married since the last 6 yrs n they have a 2.5 yrold kid...v all have been stayin 2gether since 6 yrs i.e myself, my mum n dad, my eldest brother n a younger brother...my eldest brothers wife has recently gone to her mums place takin the kid along with her..as per her initially she didnt want to stay with her in-laws n her husband too..but later she changed her mind n said that she just wants to stay with her hubby n the kid..she says shes had enuf from her inlaws...her dad says that he knew from the 5th day of the marriage that his daughters unhappy...she wants to stay in a seperate house now...n my brother doesnt want that since my 2 brothers r in the same family business n also they r facin sum financial problem recently...my 2nd brother is a divorcee...he just got a divorce a month back n my bhabhi went away without informin her in laws immediately after a week my 2nd brother got divorce..the problem is that my eldest brother told her that he needs 6 months time to get a new house(just for her happiness...the fact is he dosnt want to stay seperately).. he also told her that he has to take care of his parents, his younger brother n his sister i.e myself..but she is not ready to listen to all thuis...my brother told her atleast for the kid's school she should return or my brother will pick up the kid n leave him to school n later she can pick him up n go to her parents place..but she refused to do so...in fact the kid has already been resticated from school...i just wanna know is it fair enuf on a mothers side that she for her own selfishness spoils the kids future????? she doesnt want to trust her husband 4 the 6 months time too as as per her in 6 mths time may b my younger brother or myself get married....n again her husband wont look out for a seperate house....her dad just speks to my brother n is not involving my parents into this matter at all..its been more than a month that shes been away from the house..can nebody pls help me how can i try to solve this problem?? or wat shud my brother do??? savi replied. Deepa,

Always for parents whatever, their childred do its correct & whatever their DIL does is wrong. & for kids also especially for daughters, their parents are always right. Because unmarried daughters are not known what is there in marraiage, what all problems are there. They just give the overall points. May be yr. both the bhabi's were having some reasons to leave their husbands, otherwise both are not leaving for the same reason isn't it? Try to understand as a woman their problems. However, you won't inderstand the problem unless you involved in this bond. Once you are there, you'll understand what all problems women are facing. However, all the women are not born harsh, the situation changes them to act acoordingly. Swati replied. Hey Deepa

In your entire message you have not mentioned what kind of problems your Bhabhi may be facing? Do you and your family treat her well.....? Do your parents treat her like they treat you? You say that your other brother got divorced recently......so what was the reason behind this......? Have you ever tried to analyse this? Maybe both you Bhabis are being ill-treated and being at such close quarters you are not able to see this happening because you are bound to see things from your parents point of view. But it would help if you put yourself in your bhabhi's shoes and see things from her angle. Maybe you should do this very fast and immediately beacause once you are able to point a finger on how you family has been behaving with the daughters-in-law you maybe in a positionto straighten things at home.

Remember you too have to be married soon and God forbid you have to go thru with harrassment from the in-laws. Sometimes minor issues hurt people and the person who has done something doesn't even realise that such a thing has been perpetuated.

Your older Bhabhi probably had a bigger threshhold of tolerance and so she continued to bear up with insult and injury for this long but everyone has their limit and then they break like your younger Bhabi who went all the way and got a divorce......! Think from your Bhabhi's angle and see what is the best solution for everyone. Maybe if you are able to change you parents behaviour towards her and make them see right from wrong she will have no objection to staying together with you again but for this you have to act very quickly because every passing day is making the hurt sink in faster and her resolve of staying away even more so.