Relationships  Discussion Forum

I don't even know where to begin. I have been married 5 yrs and my hubby is one of 2 brothers (the younger to be exact). In the beginning of the marriage i was felt very close to my SIL or co sis..whatever u want to call her ( my BIl wife) I though she was a real sweet person...but slowly as the yrs have gone by...i have realised she is sweet on the out side and bitter on the inside. LAst yr, she was pregnent for the 2nd issue and since she had complained to me constantly that our in-laws had not given her a baby shower for her 1st baby...i talked my MIl in giving her one this time and then i also threw one for her in the town she lived for her friends. Making a long story short i really worked hard ( as i was working at that time too) and spent lot of time , effort and money (it was to be a surprise for her). Anyways..she not only pretended she knew about it all along...but did not even appeciate all that i did for her. She did not say ONE kind word to me. This hurt me a great deal and i went into depression. i realised that she talks to me sweetly but complains about me for the most stupid's things. After this incident i talked to my in-laws......and this opened up lot of stupid things that she had said about me to them. I felt even more betrayed. We r 2 different people and ups and downs arise...but I NEVER COMPLAINED TO MY INLAWS about her (before this) and all these yrs she had been talking bad about me....things like oh i asked anika for a perfume sample and she gave me a used one ( what she ommited to mention is that that was a birthday gift from my husband....and i had politely refused and she kept insisting and so i gave her antoher one instead)Anyway...don't want to drag this long....basically my SIL is 2 sided..sweet on the out side and mean and bitter and scheming on the inside.....the problem arises when my in-laws sit and sing her praises. According to them she is the best thing that happend to their family! She is the one who does so much for everone (which is not true...all she does is sit and chat on the phone all day...she doesn't even cook food...my in-laws bring it for her...btw....we live in the US...so cooking and cleaning is a big deal here!!!! as u have to do it all by u'r self. I don't know how to deal with her...my husband says that when i have a problem with her i should tell it to my in-laws.....but that is not me!!! I don't want to stoop to her level. I don't want to change my self to become like her....but at the same time....listening to her non stop praises from my n-laws gets to me too. Now i feel i have to remember each and ever conversation that i have with her so that if she compalins to my in=laws and they talk to me...i can atleast defend myself...this is affecting my peace of mind as when ever i have a spare moment (i'm not working now...so i have plenty) i keep reliving insidents and i am just spirallikg downwards. She never cofronts me on my face..she just hold it in her memory bank for the rest of her life...and complains about it to my in-laws! Friend replied. I am sorry to hear thatr u are having a hard time with ur co sister. I also had the same experience where my inlaws were always praising my co sister. Later on I realised it was my MIL's way of playing us against each other. Now I just ignore those comments. I don't go out of my way to do anything for either my inlaws or my co sister. So i don't feel bad about being unappreciated. In ur case I would suggest that you do the same. Also if she behaves badly towards you u should tell it to ur inlaws. U can put it in such a way as though u did not mean to tell and it somehow slipped out of ur mouth. I bet that's how she bitches about u. Finally, don't let these people spoil ur peace of mind. The problem with us girls is that our parents bring us up with ideas that we have to look after our hubby's people and blah blah blah. This is what makes us want a noice relationship with them and for that we are ready to undergo any sacrifice. In reality such sacrifices are not worth the effort. Just maintain a cordial realtionship with ur inlaws(including co sis). Whenever u feel like doing anything for them ask urself whether they would do the same for u. Don't torture urself with the past. Try to keep urself busy. It's ur happiness that matters the most. They are in no way affected by ur torturing urself.