Relationships  Discussion Forum

I have been going thru' the pages on inlaws & decided to write wondering if there's any1 out there on the similar lines. I've had a love marriage. I've been married 3 years & live abroad with my husband & 6 months old baby. when i met my husband & he introduced me to his family few months later. i did not like them very much from the begining.his parents differentiate between him & his elder brother. my husband has a very good job but his brother holds some odd jobs & depends maily on his parents.he & his wife & kid live with them. i went abroad & then my husband came her.we've visited india twice in these 3 years. we visit his family but i land up very bitter.i never talk / write to them when i'm abroad during the other months. my husband calls them only on occasions. he says he feels for them as they are his parents but can't change the way they behave. we went down last month & they initially seemed happy to see our 5 months baby.but didn't give any gift even though it was our first visit since the birth.my husband felt very upset although we didn't expect anything. then his parents said last time we visited & they offered me a mangalsutra for our marriage i had refused .i told them they didn't come for our marriage. During that visit i was pregnant & told them i had not come for their gift & since they didn't come to our marriage abroad i will only take their blessings.we have these strings of misunderstandings. i fought back with them & told them we didn't want anyhting from them but only thought it was for their grandchild. since that day my husband only called them on 1 occasion & they speak normally. they never ask about me.and ask about our child but also keep talking endlessly about their son's kid who is 3 years old. i am comfortable with this arrangement and nothing matters more to me than my husband & kid. i have his support. we are close to my family.my family has never met his family to date & i intend to let it stay this way. but my parents know we have differences with them. but i never tell them any details. infact i never discuss my inlaws with any1. as i see it this way we both totally ignore each other. the times we do meet there is a lot of bitterness.infact after our last visit i felt very hurt about the way they acted & decided never to visit them. both my husband & i told them that was our last visit. but i tell my husband we will visit india & he should visit them maybe without me & our child. since he is their son. or maybe i will just go with him. he is the best husband & father . we have a great marriage. i have known him for 2 years before we got married. but those 2 years were again spent with bad feelings from both sides. his parents & us. i see nothing of him in his family. They are less well off than my family but i have never held money as a difference. i tried writing letters to them when we 1st came here but their replies were were rude although no direct remarks. so i gradually discontinued & stopped. we give them money each time we visit. deepa replied. hi there,
From ur message, I didnt quite come to know what ur in-laws have done to u specifically, apart from the fact that they differentiate between ur husband and his elder brother. U have mentioned ur husband calls them only on ocassions. YOu guys dont write/talk to them much (though u did initially). It seems u r also angry that they didnt come for ur marriage which was here (abroad). Do u think its not natural for them to be a bit unhappy about all that has taken place. I dont know why u guys didnt marry in India, but didnt ur in-laws want the marriage to happen in India? As u have said its a love marriage, they must be thinking that u r snatching everything away from them. Its not their fault dear nor am I saying that its ur fault. U guys fell in love but u both should have also thought about their feelings. Had u guys given them tickets/money so that they could come here for ur marriage? If not, then maybe money was a problem and so they couldnt come. If yes, u had given money/tickets, then did they tell u what was the reason they didnt come to ur marriage? Also u have said u didnt like them from the beginning. Why is that? Did they do anything to u to feel that way? Or is it only because they r more supportive of ur husbands elder brother. They must be more closer to him since they stay with them. I dont think thats anything to be angry about. That does not mean that they dont love your husband. Your husband should be proud of his elder brother that he is taking care of them back there in India. Dont you think so dear. Also u said that his brother has some odd jobs and depends on his parents, so ur in-laws must also be feeling very bad about it and so supporting him more which is quite normal. Dear, u should be happy that ur husband is supporting u unlike other ladies who have to bear any shit from their in-laws just because their husbands dont support them. U r a very lucky girl. Let me tell u one thing. If u want to do something for ur in-laws do it, but dont expect anything in return. They r not our parents and can never be. So just treat them with respect as they r ur husbands parents and do whatever u can for them. But dont expect anything in return. That way u wont be hurt. If u can give more details about why u guys r not in touch with them and what they did to u, it will be more helpful to give some advice to u. Bye till then. Hoping to get ur reply.