Parents of Preschoolers  Discussion Forum

Name: Saheli

Sorry, I had typed my reply to your post but somehow forgot to post it. Here are my thoughts.

This is what u wrote - \" Even my daughter did not react kindly to playgroup.. The teacher says my daughter is trying to pluck the toys from other kids and is adamant and wants to pour down some water kept in a pot etc.. When they called me inside my daughetr was crying.. How to give input in a possitive way from my side?\"

A 2 yr old child is comparatively younger to understand things, but can still understand some of it if tried to explain at her level. I dont know too much about child psychology but I can see 2-3 things - She is being somewhat ziddi / stubborn, she enjoys her way of play (which some call as destructive play) and she is unwilling to share.
Now that we know the issues, we just need to implement the solutions! Simple! (Finding solutions is simple but not implementing, i know!)

It will take you time to get the desired changes in ur kid, so pls be very very patient. This will be a slow change.

You need to teach your daughter ' sharing' . You dont necessarily need to have other kids around for this. Teach her sharing by showing it to her yourself. Your family members - hubby, inlaws, and more imp - you, should grab all oppor to show her that you guys love to share. Kids' show out their emotions excitedly so remember to show your expressions such as happiness in a LITTLE exaggerated manner.
Teach her, tell her about sharing and then show it to her. As you practice it with her, teach her that she also needs to do it with other children. And tell her that snatching things away from other children is not the right way.

Use ' levels' to teach her - explain with love, teach by being strict, scold if necessary, and lastly, punish if needed. (Punishing doesnt mean being violent, try things like mommy daddy not talking to her for 10 mins). At times, Children understand but dont realise. Such times, give her something she likes to play with and tell her that ' now i am going to show u how it feels when u snatch' and take it away from her. She will cry - give it back and then tell her ' you dint feel good when i did this, did u? so thats why we should not do it to others!'

When u and hubby are around the kid, do some drama sessions. mom/dad brings something from kitchen to eat, the other asks him to share with you and kid, he does that and shows he enjoyed it so much and offers even more from his own share! (Teaching joy of sharing).

While you are encouraging her, also praise her when she implements it eben little. Praise it to her, praise it again when daddy arrives, pick up phone and act as if u r talking to someone and praising her!
Reward her. Dont go overboard with rewarding, its just to appreciate her efforts and encourage her even more.

And about being stubborn- Please dont mind, but are you pampering your child more than reqd? Letting her play even if its destructive just because she is busy and letting you do your work? Or letting her play what she wants because she is just a kid? Or is she not getting enough of mom/dad? Is her caretaker at home rude to her?
Its difficult to guess from here why your kid is behaving like that, so you are the best one to find out the reason.

But u need to teach her to be positive, avoid destructive plays.

Overall about the school - The kid needs to get a message that school cannot be taken for granted and she needs to behave there well. Dont be rude because we dont want her to hate her school. U can tell her that she has to listen to teachers and can play with the games they allow and not supposed to touch other things. (Kids follow processes blindly). When u go to pick her from school, ask her teacher (when kid is there) how she behaved and if teacher says good, treat her with a chocolate or something on ur way back and say ' this is ur reward for behaving good' .

If she is being too stubborn, you will need to teach her gradually, with love, with lot of patience, but with strict ' No' s. Take hubbys help. Dont yell, dont lose ur cool. But u can say ' i wont talk to u if u behave like this' , or something that works for u. She may cry and hug u .. let her do that, let her sit on ur lap, dont wave her away, but dont talk to her.

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