Relationships  Discussion Forum

My boyfriend is 5 years older than I am. I am 20 and in Pharmacy school. W have been together for some time and of course the topic of marriage has come up.

My parents although strict, have always been quite liberal and given me freedom ( well as much freedom a girl can really get). We never had any close family growing up here in the USA so I've never had a lot of cousins growing up. While his parents were conservative and he has a very large family here. As a result of this he leads kind of a double life, renouncing his religion, drinks occasionally etc. He would never tell this to his family though. But as the eldest son in his family he is always putting them first and I have admired that.

But upon discussing marriage I told him I would not be comfortable living in his current home with his parents. I am not working on getting my doctorate for 6 years, to make more money than he would be, just to go from my parents house to my in laws house.

While he understands this he said perhaps living in a home a block away would be a better option. Yes this would work except I know his mom would feel as if I'm taking away her son from her, and perhaps resent me for this if I refused to live with them. When I told him this he couldn't help but agree. He has told me his mother already thinks no girl is good enough for him, that im too dark, and is worried I'm too liberal for her family. She hasn't even met me yet. She seems to want a girl that can cook and clean and take care of her son.

I don't know what to do. He is a very good guy and we have grown very fond of each other. But I know how much he loves his mom and I do not want to be the girl that his mother resents. Nor feel like im making him choose between his mother or me.

I am afraid I cannot fit into the dynamics of his family even though he seems to be very different from his family. I know a part of him still wants his parents to live with him. Its not that I don't ever want to see his mom or dad, or have a close relationship with them... I just dont want to LIVE with them. Am i being irrational? Pushki replied. Hi Ushie, i also went to the same situation but now luckly we have shifted to a new house where me and my husband are staying. You can try to convince your partner as well to get a new house. Ritu replied. You should do what you think would be the best for you, your boyfriend and your relationship. The most important relation is not of your and his family but of you and him. Talk to him about it and do what both of you will be comfortable in. Myntra replied. Hello Ushie,
So you are facing with the people and based on the problem you need to think the solution so that there will not be any problem and do not break the relations because there will not be any problem to you also. Usha replied. Hello Ushie Udry,
You are just twenty and at this age you would not know what is right or wrong which would be good to you or bad also. So you do not any step so fastly because your life will get affected. Wait for two to three years and by that time you will change your thought also and it would be perfect time for marriage. chinka replied. hey you are not being irrational at all. because with such a huge family you will not get space of yours which will be needed by you as you grown up like that. and i will suggest that you are just 20 so wait till you become the age perfect for marriage like 23, 24 as our thoughts changes as we grow up old. do you like same things as you used to like when you were 16? or less than that take time to think about your future and don't make your marriage as your ultimate aim of life learn study and be independent first as it is very important these days. on personal experience i am saying this. people change and their likings too. so wait, think, plan and then take any step further.