Relationships  Discussion Forum

My husband hurts me lots and lots and I have a small baby. dont know what to do i dont have anyone and i have 18 months old baby. once for some reason he told me there is no use me living.today he was telling me if i live like this at end of life i wont have even four person to lift me when i am not in this world any more. friends tell me what to do. i am earning and he is at home looking after baby as i was earning more. i dont buy anything for myself i spend on loans and them itself completely. from the day one of wedding i had lots of pbs with this person and he keeps hurting me everyday for any small thing.i cant even get rid of him as he is looking after my baby.baby will suffer if i work and if nobody is there to look after her.i dont like maids or day care.baby is closer to him rather then me bcos she is with him always ,sometimes i feel i should go away somewhere i feel i have got enough in life.anyone pls pls help me to solve how can i solve all this Preeti replied. Please get rid of the mental block you have over putting your baby in day care...Your husband might have some issues to begin with (since you said that he has been hurting you emotionally since marriage) but all his negative traits (even the ones that were dormant then) are getting aggravated because he is not working now. I guess all he can think about now is that you are bringing in the dough and he is not..and that one thought is hurting him inside and making him feel inferior..hence his verbal abuse etc...whatever it is - I do not for one moment believe that this kind of a situation is good for any of you - You, him or the baby. You ae suffering..he is suffering in his own way and the baby is suffering because of all the altercations between the 2 of you (dont think that just because your baby is small, all this tension in the house is not affecting her/him)...

So again my suggestion is - Do NOT be so paranoid about not putting yr baby in day care or hiring a maid...Do that and then ask your husband to get a job (you might have to push him a bit because he might have gotten used to staying at home)...

Its the only way to save your marriage and reduce his abuse...

AD replied. Hi ! You have to be the same person who had posted similar msg some few mths ago ...
I agree with everyone else here ... you have to put the child in day care and encourage husband to look for job. Day cares are not all that bad - you just have to look for the right one. Its not easy taking care of baby and he's probably taking out all frustrations on you. Best immediate solution I can think of - take a break from your work .Spend some time with daughter, let husband look for work. Put daughter in day care and be a working couple ! You don't need to quit ur job if you feel u need to be financially stable. That's what day cares are for - to help working couples !!
Take a decision soon or else you'll be responsible for ruining your marriage.
I fyour husband himself doesn't want to work, then you have a problem . The only solution then is straight talk and encouraging him to look for job.
Take care and all the best ! seema replied. This is bound to happen when the bread winner of the family is asked to raise a kid and do household work.
You are changing the roles of the gender. I donot know under what circumstances he decided to be a stay home dad but he is getting frustated. He feels like all men he is not working and not able to meet demands of the family. He is starting to feel like a loser . Yes that happens when men sit at home. So he shows his frustation on you!
Solution :
Put ur kid into day care. or you work part time and hire a maid for part time and ask him to start working .
Once he gets busy with the work he will not have time to fight with you .

silver replied. First of all ,let us know the reason behind the scene he staying at home?If he doesnt have any other job than Work from home. We can suggest other things...
But if u have option to choose another work that needs he stay away from home in day time, u'd rather have an option to do things better.
Generally men will not have patience and taking care of baby..really he is doing gr8 job by doing it well that baby is toomuch attached to him.
The abuse he is doing is wrong but thisis nothing but letting out his frustration. So, to make things better ...reverse the roll and u can c the difference.

It's just in ur hands to settle his mind and as well yours.
All the best and don't let ur baby totally unattached to you.Because u need share in that tender heart's love.
friend replied. Hey you,
I believe you are the same person who posted same problem few months back right?.Everyone gave you solution for quiting job.I am surprised you are still working.Only solution again & again.QUIT YOUR JOB & LET YOUR HUSBAND WORK.I can understand your husbands mental condition being a indian.Don't flow with western lifestyle.It's alright with westerns b'coz they are all following the same life style.Try to understand we are not.And I am surprised your husband is still stayed with you..I mean didn't divorce you. geetha replied. Wife working and husband staying at home will not work even for couple who are really understanding and mature...YES...Men always are referred to as bread winners and if that is not the case in any home..then any normal husband will have lots of complex and sorrow inside...So if there is any way things can be reversed around in the home (your caring for baby & your husband working) then please do it...Taking care of such small baby throught the day is not so easy and is tough beyond imagination..may be your husband is worn out because of that...If you need husband then you need to tackle this matter with love and thougtfullness..If you need only a good baby sitter then may be think of separation.
Personally I would recommend you try to save the marriage...He did not go after other females..he did not illtreat the baby...all he is doing is taking out his frustration on you I guess..So take a smart decision..dont loose this person..make him feel better.