Hi,

so... we all are in same boat.
In my case also, my mother takes care of Radha. And to make matters worse (for me) she travels one hour to reach my home! But my poor dear mom is not at all complaining. It is me who is feeling terribly guilty for making her do so.
But I am not mentally prepared to put Radha in creche or to let some maid take care of her whole day (without supervision of family member).

Let me tell you what I am doing to ease workload:
1) I have a cook coming in both the times. In the evening mom takes tiffin for herself and my dad while going to her place.
I cannot imagine my life (as it is going currently) without having a cook. Last week she threatened to leave for some silly reasons and I started looking for another one. And anyway had decided that I will order daily dabba (tiffin services) till the time I get new one. Anyway, cook is continuing for now..
Compromise is needed. No nakhra that we only eat food cooked by our wives/moms etc. One has to accept that it is very tough for a woman to work full time and cook and manager kid. And these maids who cook are not that bad. They learn on the job, little luck is all that is needed.


2)I have clearly told mom not to do ANYTHING in my house. But she does not listen and does many things. As long as it is not overloading her, I am ok (as she also \";needs\"; to do things).

3)Like all husbands mine also does not value his inlaws' efforts as much as I would like him to. But this way or that, I always tell him how much pains they are taking for us. Sometimes these guys just do not realize until you tell them explicitly, u see..
So a dose to DH from time to time is mandatory especially if it's our mom (and not his) is taking care of HIS kid.

4) Private time with DH.. nowdays very less time is there for anything in life for that matter. And I was going through some emotional and physical pains (more emotional) post delivery so very much reluctant to engage in any action of any kind for a long time.. but dheere dheere things are becoming smoother a little. I think it just takes certain amt of time (and it is different in each case) for husband-wife relation to come to certain level of normalcy. So only thing I know in this case is give it some time. Try to keep your cool (in my case I am the one who loses cool more often though). I am sure it will all become fine some day. Just make sure you do not \";say\"; something which scarrs other person and is difficult to forget in long run.

5) Even if I hardly do any housework, I still feel very very tired all the time. Maybe because of lack of sleep, Radha still wakes up 2-3 times in night. At one point I decided, I had enuf and talked with my manager abt taking a break. Luckily for me, they have allowed me to work part time (2.5 days a week) for 4 months now.
So I am planning to take control of my life (to whatever extent possible).
Also trying to pursuade my parents to temporailiy shift to place near me (I will rent a house for them).
You will notice that I have not thought abt moving them in \";my\"; house. As I very well know that in our Indian socirty and with our mindsets it is very very tough for my husband and parents to stay together. It will only add to the tensions already present (and you will agree with me, as you experience this).


I agree most of the solutions I have/planning to have involve spending lots of money. But when I do maths, its win situation for me.
I get to keep doing what I like (career), my parents are not too much loaded with housework and I am spared from it too and with SW professional's salary, I still get to save some money or spend it on TP things :-)


I hope I have not bored you with all this.
But the topic touched my heart genuinely and hence had to write to both of you.
All the best to all of us !
Take care,
Archana Vani replied. Hi Archana,
Like Paddoo, even I wish I was at chennai, there is MIL as well as mom to look after Rishi. My mom is also not complaining but its me who feel guilty and balancing between Shyam and my mom is the main thing. Like, she gets offended/upset even if we have an argument and all talks cannot be always inside the bedroom. So there is no privacy. Things are much better since my sis is also with me... when she is at home, she is always with Rishi, so my mom can watch TV for a while. How much ever I try, it takes at least 8 in the night to reach home and part time is just not possible.

Wish we too get maids and cooks, but nothing works out.

Shyam does realise that his mom cannot take care of Rishi the way my mom does since she is physically not fit now.

Ok, just stepped into office, will write more later.

Love to Radha
Vani padma replied.
How i wished i was at my hometown too... I could have worked out soo... many combinations like you've done.. The problem for Vani and for me is that we are staying at a different city from our parents. So they've to stay with us!!

Hyderabad being new to us, (and the fact that it is not a greatly likeable place), we dont have the kind of contacts/ knowledge to hire a good hand. We're trying and like you said, a cook is what i've almost got.

Neither of us can make it part-time (i am in marketing) since the companies dont encourage that..

Issues with DH are there and will continue to.. Almost on all occassions, we cross limits while arguing.. So that too has become normal.

End of the day, the thought that all this circus is for Kichu's well being, keeps all of us going.

How's Radha?
Padma