Parents of Preschoolers  Discussion Forum

Hi All other Sr. Moms,
I joined my 2.5yrs old baby in nursery in famous playschool chain in india.. She has no expe in playschool previously.
So 2daysback it was her first day in school,she was active with my presence. And yesterday i made her sit and spent 10mins with her, and slowly disappeared as instructors asked us to leave. Kids started crying already and my baby is juts hunting innocently for me asking \" mommy, where shd I put this piece\" she looked around and didnt find me...I was out of class room and observing her from window ...she ouldnt find me and calling me mommy, where r u? I could n' t stop my emotions....I left place as they requested and came out but unable to control emotions and tears.... All the kids r crying like anything and I afraid even my baby might have started...SO I just went to window to see her, and really she was in confusion y every one is crying and she wqas little weaping...when she saw me, she came to window and not moving from there saying \" mommy, pl take me,pl take me\" ...They asked to go .I came downstairs and cried alot when none is around .It was only 1hr session .Even today hav to have same session .

But I got doubt whether its correct to leave kid without any prior preparation? Initially I thought first 3days I can be with her, so I didnt prepare her for this separation...She cried like anything ...Every kid is crying they r pushing them inside while locking all doors and telling us they will cry for someime and stop! Is this correct..? no kid stopped from crying but increased level more. so, whta will be my part here today? From monday I hae to send her daily in school van.
When we came back from school, I was telling ehr to not to cry nextday when mom is not around. She accepted to it. But I' m still worried. Will post u after coming back.
Sonehow I felt ,theyshd have allowed us to console them and prepare for their stay. They didnt allow them to see us. As per them ,if they see us ,they will not get used to it...When they were saying it , I felt may be they r correct..But their strategy is very hurtful to my tiny tender girl. How can she understand their behaviour in positive way? They appearing strict, and sitting across at locked door not to allow them to escape?
She just afraided of that room, so later I sat with her in same room for making her used to it, But wen every other is leaving my baby requested me ' Mommy, lets go , every one going out, now we can go\"

Donno how she will react ...All the 12hrs since yesterday Iam saying her not to cry today! But donno how she get used to class. sunita replied. Even my daughter did not react kindly to playgroup.. The teacher says my daughter is trying to pluck the toys from other kids and is adamant and wants to pour down some water kept in a pot etc.. When they called me inside my daughetr was crying.. How to give input in a possitive way from my side? Saheli replied. Your story touched my heart! Would make every mom emotional who has gone through this.

Well, most of us go thru this. And you have rightly caught it, yes we should be preparing the kid before we send him to school.

Every child is different. Some child doesnt need to be prepared and is happily adjusted right from day one in school. Others take long time to accept, even after preparation.

But yes, parents should prepare the kid before sending him to school. And this could start as early as months before joining, depending on how open the kid is. Start taking the kid out, let him talk to people (well, not strangers) - relatives, friends, neighbors. Take him for a stroll morning/evening or to the society park, for shopping, mom' s parlor if possible, etc. Let him talk to strangers there. Let him pick things/veg/fruits of his liking and ask the shopkeeper its price and even pay for it. Once he is used to these, start leaving him with others (for eg, with your neighbor in the park) starting with 10 mins. You can choose to inform/not inform him that you would be back after 10 mins. Hide and watch.
Gradually increase the time.

There are kid' s playing centers in malls. Can leave kid there for playing as u r watching him. Gradually, leave him for 10 or so, hide and watch, and increase time. (I am assuming here that nobody is reading this as leave kid with strangers and go away!)

Once he is accustomed to 1) being at new places 2)being at new places without mom .... then comes the step to make him used to the school he is going to join. Take him to the school so that he gets used to the environment there. The idea is not to surprise him one fine day be leaving him at a new place + with new people + without mom which he has never been.

Take him there as many times as possible, introduce to teachers and staff (dont tell him that u r going to be here without mom in some days, let it come to him in a positive way). While you are coming back from school praise the school. Even at home, praise various things at school, praise the people, and especially, praise his tacher saying she is so loving and kind, I really like her.

The age when parents are ideals for children, everything that they say is also ideal.

When u see kid accepting the school environment, start telling him about whats coming.

Even after such a preparation, its quite possible that kid takes time to accept it.

The school staff is proffessional and its an everyday job for them. They dont have staff to take care of each kid and they know sooner or later, kids will accept this place. That' s why they seem to us as kinda emotiona less where as its not really like that.

Also, for kids that just dont accept and cry too much, they know when to inform parents (but yes, their tolerance limits are much more than us).

You seem to be luckier that the school is allowing you in. Mine didnt.

Dont worry, your kid would be fine in some days. Just be patient, trust the school staff, but be aware and cautious and keep yourself updated. When kid is back from school, ask the kid about activities and remember to talk only positive with exciting & little exaggerated expressions like kids do ... big \" ohhs\" and \" wows\" with hands on ur cheeks, raised eyebrows, cheeck to cheek smiles, jump a little and clap your hands when she tells something good about she did, say \" wow i too want to join the school but they dont allow elders\" .

Stop preparing her for school everyday like asking her not to cry etc. Just talk nothing in that regard. By telling her to accept school and not cry, u r passing her a message that she has to agree to something she doesnt like. Our objective is not to make her accept school as it is but to change her opinion about school to positive.

And if its possible, continue that 10 min away thing with her that u r doing, and gradually increase the time. Dont watch her, just go away and come back later.

All this also teaches the child things like life is not a bed of roses, she kid has to learn to be independent, and that mom wont be there always.

Back at home, also prepare your child for taking her own decisions in her daily matters, give her options and ask her to decide. Prepare her for facing people of different temperaments because she wd now face different type of kids and what shd she do if some kid beats her up, etc.