Relationships  Discussion Forum

my mother inlaw insists me wearing saree with pallu on head and advances her demands to extent of insulting me nd other times,she pretends to care.
I am a doctor.My husband and i live away from my inlaws.My mother inlaw shows that she cares for me as a daughter on phone and in front of my husband. from the beginning I have loved her because she is my husband' s mother.I have done everything with true heart which everyone recognises. She also admits that she couldnt find a better BAHU.But whenever we are visiting inlaws,my mother inlaw insults me and tries to control me.She prefers me in saree with pallu on head,to hide my long hair with pallu,not to come in front of father inlaw, and other such restrictions.She keeps on repeating.that \" humare yah bahu aise hee karti hai\" .I stayed alone for her when she was operated .During this time she made my life hell.Though she doesnt burden me with work but even when i do small errands for her,she remains upset with me.She is ok when ,i dont do work for her ,out of my will.I dont understand her behaviour.Even if i was standing,she would still criticise or grinand then suddenly she would show care for me . When my husband talked to her about this,she said that she can never accept me as a daughter beacause i m a daughter inlaw and that is the way ,it has been.Now after realising what she did,she is again sugar coated with intermittent bouts ofcourse.Iam fed up of this drama.what to do?I am a doctor and i just depersonalise myself when i am with her.I used to love her but now I am scared of her.I remain disturbed and am not able to love my husband because of her.help me with a solution please


| NN replied. See don't think about her behavior to much as anyway you and your husband live separate and its not like you have to visit them every day. Just be happy with your husband and do what you think will keep both of you happy. Megha replied. Hello Ria mehta,
After reading the message you posted in this thread the problem lies with you rather than your mother in law.She has told you to give respect to your father in law.Though we are in good professions we need to follow our traditions and customs.I agree with your mother in law only. AS replied. In my opinion , the problem lies with you rather than with your MIL . I know that I might be sounding harsh but you certainly can make minor adjustments in your life to pleasure your MIL and this doesn' t have anything to do with your being a doctor. Being an educated woman doesn' t imply that you need to disrespect your MIL and this is when you are staying away from her. You don' t ven live with your parents in law and the only time you need to cover up before your MIL when you arounf your parents-in-law.
This is something that should that should come naturally to you as an Indian daughter-in-law ( & you should be proud to be one ) and please stop whining and cribing about such small issues.
You yourself admitted to having a MIL who doesn' t burden you with work and she only wants you to respect her feelings. You stay away from your MIL so the only adjustment you have to make in your life is with regard to your husband & if you love your husband then you will surely honour and respect and love his mother & father.
Atleast make an attempt to honour her wishes and see the difference , please watch BAGBHAN movie , a real eye opener about the beautiful Indian values which are getting lost in this age.

The cause of your marital discord is just your psychological make up so please dont blame your poor MIL for it.
I am saying as an young educated person born and brought up in Delhi.