Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am from a middle class joint family with a wife, 1 year old kid, parents and brother and grand mother. Earlier when I was a bachelor I used to give my earnings to my parents without any hesitation but after my marriage (2 years) back I had to put a limit(12K) on the contribution on insistence of my wife. Now during pregnancy I did not have any savings I started reducing the contribution.I had to accept this as I did not want to mentally trouble my wife during pregnancy and I explained this to my mother. Now after the delivery I started slowly increasing the amount that I give to my parents. Though my wife is ok but my parents insist that I need to give atleast 12K in the house which I cannot as my needs have increased with the kid and I also have to plan for her future. They show it on me and my wife every time, in return my wife shows it back on them ending up in huge arguments, embarasing scenes. My wife used such an oppurtunity to go to her parents place.Though she does not directly blackmail but indirectly I can make out that she does not want to even speak to her in laws. Even my parents show the frustration on me that I am getting provoked by what she is saying on them with me. Not just this my wife has fights with her parents and I have to come and be the peacemaker over there and settle the issue.on doctor' s opinion that a womans body undergoes lot of harmonal changes and they get irritated very easily during and after pregnancy I have been convincing myself and supporting my wife all the while.I thought of seperating both of them so that these issues will reduce but things are broken to such a level that people are not talking anymore. I just started hating both of them and started boozing daily so that I can atleast get some sleep and not talking to anyone.I love all of them and I want to provide all the luxuries to them but nobody wants to be patient. Also to let you know the darker side of my coin, whenever these arguments happen I break an item (chair, emegency light, remote etc ) to show the frustration I am in. Right now I am not breaking anything, I just stopped talking to anyone in family except friends. LEt me know if there is any solution for this. Yamini replied. Hi Venkat,
Family issues will be in such way that our mind will get completely disturbed and cannot get some peace of mind. Yash replied. Hi venkat,
In world every family would have problem but the thing is how does we manage to solve it instead of escaping from the problem.And you will get solution if you know exactly the problem is. Janu replied. Hi Venkat,
Every person will have problems at work place and in family.But as men you have to learn to balance them and if you were in dilemma to take decision seek help from the your dear people. Dev replied. Hi Venkat,
Issues would be common but it will come only from the people who hate the other person only.So what you have to do is the person who are raising all such issues must not be under one roof. Basu replied. Hi Venkat,
It was common issues in every home.You have discuss what you want to do with your parents.Then only they too will understand your problem.I think it will help you. Nikki replied. Hi Venkat,
Every family will have some issue.Life is combination of happy and sad.Try to solve your problem in your own style then you will not face any issue also be bold and strong to face any problem in life. Madhu replied. Hi Venkat,
Every family will have problem but it depends up on the problem only so you have to find the solution according to it because many problems would have solution but you need to chose them because you are the bearer. Veena replied. Hi Venkat,
So these are common issue faced in every family and it must be solved according to it also and it would be better that if you solve and can you suggest to others also it may be helpful also. Dolly replied. Ho Venkat,
In the family issues are very common but the thing you have to manage i can understand that you will not have peace by the time you come to office but you put an solution to your problem in some method. Swetha replied. Hi venkat,
Family means all these will be then only it is called as family because family means compromise and adjustments then only you will have all happiness and every thing in your family also you just move on in your life. kajal replied. Hello Venkat,
These are common issues in every ones home but for you no one would support you or understands you first make them clearly understand that you are going take severe action on them if it is repeated and you need to put in control of your wife also. Mel replied. Sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately, you are in a similar situation to a host of young, married, Indian men.

Ok, first a few clarifications.

1. Do your parents pay the bills, buy groceries, pay domestic help, etc etc ? Or do you also pay for that apart from the contribution ?

2. Has your wife directly asked your parents about the reduced contribution, or argued your case with your parents ?

3. You said your parents show frustration that you get provoked by your wife. How do they know this? Have you spoken about it? Or has your wife done so directly?

4. Is it an arranged marriage or a love marriage?

Please let me know and we will take this forward accordingly.

In the meanwhile, you should know that in ALMOST ALL cases, where the parents and daughter in law fight, the one who gets the most squashed is the husband. You are the one who will get hit from both sides. But, there are ways to try and come around it, and... forgive me for saying this....

Boozing and drinking is the most foolish, UNPRODUCTIVE method of dealing with your situation. What exactly do you hope to solve by drinking? Would you like to become a drunk whose daughter is embarrassed of ? Would you like your wife to leave you for good and take your daughter with her ?

You said you stopped breaking things. Well that' s good, because things are also a form of God. And it' s not an acceptable manner of dealing with anger or frustration. Secondly, you REALLY don' t want your little child to see and replay that kind of anger or behaviour.

On another note, it is perfectly justified that you feel frustrated and helpless because of the situation you are in. Don' t worry. There may be ways and means of trying to sort it out.