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Hi,

I have been married for about 2 years now, my wife is very loving and caring and so are my in-laws. My parents always wanted me to marry a working woman however I went ahead and married a non working woman with my parents approval at that time. Somehow my parents have never seem to have accepted my wife as their daughter-in-law. I feel that they have always treated her as an outsider, this hurts me badly.My father owns his own flat and I have my own flat. Last year I had to force my parents to stay in their own flat because they failed to co-operate and adjust with my wife. My wife on the other hand never intended to work and wanted to be a home maker and serve her in laws. My parents didn' t take that kindly and always taunted her when I wasn' t around, maintained dual standards, talked sweet when I was around and acted rude when I wasn' t around. Its been a year now since my parents moved out however they are hell bent on making our lives miserable, my parents feel that I kicked them out of their house and when I only asked them to move out for the benefit of everybody. My father keeps writing hate letters to my wife indicating that she is the root cause of all problems and also writes hate letters to my in-laws.None of my relatives talk to me and my wife now, I don' t mind that but these hate letters cause a lot of mental torture to me as well as my in-laws. Now he has started calling all relatives and started speaking ill about my wife and my in-laws, I am sick and tired of their attitude, talking has not helped. Is there any way I can claim legal separation from them so that they cannot torture us any more. My wife is expecting now and I don' t want these things to cause unnecessary worry to her.

Thanks,
Rajiv GirishLaikhra replied. hello guys i am new here dear i read your comment i learn alot of things from your comment it' s great dear thanx for this information.
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Girish
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LASIK eye surgery Halifax--LASIK eye surgery Halifax Mel replied. From what you have stated, I have a feeling that initially your parents wanted something... a working daughter-in-law... but when you broached the topic of a non-working woman, they accepted for your happiness....

But, internally, they didn' t like the fact that you didn' t follow their instructions.

I know this sounds like a minor issue, but believe me, I' m saying this from experience. My husband is an only child, and he is VERY, VERY dutiful. He will never do or say anything to them, as he says that it weighs on his conscience.

But, still, if my ILs specify something, and even if my husband logically explains why he is doing it differently, convices them, gets their approval, the situation is only temporary. After a short period, the anger starts growing, and in some conversation or other, my MIL will invariably speak about the incident.

So, we have realised this. We have to follow their instructions, orders, etc. We have to ask their permission before doing anything. She expects me to even ask permissin to visit my parents once in 2 years.

Your parents didn' t like that, and since you are the son, they vented their anger on your wife. In the 2 years that you lived together, there may have been instances where you may have spoken on behalf of your wife... i.e. to resolve the situation. But, they may have taken this as if you have gone away from them. Somehow a lot of parents think that the son should always side them, so internally they feel that she has taken you away from them.

Now, after you asked them to leave, it' s like betrayal. You have kicked them out for her sake, who is new in your life.

I don' t know how this situation can be resolved. I just know one thing... forget about legally separating. It' s too much trouble, and it won' t stop them from sending you hate letters or speaking to relatives.

So, turn a deaf year. And don' t bother about relatives. Ask your in-laws not to open or read their letters, but tear and bin it.

What is happening is that since they (your parents) are together, they have developed a mutual dependence society and they jointly hate your wife. They sit together and discuss it, and get more and more angry at her, and that' s why all this behaviour.

If you want to resolve the situation, ask yourself who is the softer parent. If your mother is closer to you / was closer to you earlier. Try speaking to her alone. Take her aside one day, speak to her at length, explain to her that you love her, and you have only ONE mother, and no one can replace her, or take that love away from her. But, that you have high expectations of her as a MIL, and that is why you are sad. That you always knew that she is the IDEAL mother, and would be the IDEAL MIL, and that it saddens you that because of some issues things have changed. Apologize if you have hurt them, and tell her that you want to set things straight. Try not to speak too much about your wife. First make you mother feel loved and spend some time with her, then slowly she may start convincing your father when they are alone. Tell her that their grandchild is going to be born, and that you want him / her to have the perfect grandma around... And that for that, she needs to come, and spend time with her DIL. Tell her to let bygones be bygones, that there will be no discussion of the past. Ask your wife if she is willing to wipe the slate clean and give them one more chance.

Women are softer, and if your mum comes home, and your wife gives her a hug also, that may be enough for her to forget everything.

Try it atleast once, then if it still doesn' t work out... atleast you will have the satisfaction of having tried.

All the best. priya replied. Rajiv,its really nice that you' ve been so supportive to your wife and in-laws.As you' ve mentioned, all these things should not be a cause of worry to your wife.So,I personally think,before taking it legally its better you approach them directly and ask them what really their problem is?It need not be in a rude manner but try being serious about what you wanted to talk.
Is money the reason for all their misconduct? or are they doing it just to trouble you people for nothing?Try to get a clear idea of what' s going in their minds.If money is the reason ,then straight away ask them if they want you to go legal,breaking your relation completely with them.This only thing should bring them back to their senses.But if their reasons are different ,tell them to stop all this very seriously.
You did' nt mention if you have any brothers or sisters or even someone who can act as a mediator b/w the both to make them understand or warn them of the consequences if they can' t understand in order to calm down the issue.Going legal shoud be the last option if everything else fails as it will only make relations more bitter.
Remember, this is a very sensitive issue coz' you may' ve to take the blame that you are ignoring your parents.So,think very carefully and wisely turn the situation in your favour.Take care.