Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi,
I ve been married for more than 2 and a half years and for the first two years, I was staying with my in laws in India. Later, with my 3 months old daughter then, I moved to US to stay here with my husband. Now, we are going to India to celebrate my daughter' s first birthday and are likely to bring my in laws with me on return..My MIL has been always interfering and dominating in all my matters till when we stayed together.She managed all household work and never let me enter the kitchen or even make coffee/serve my husband in any way..I am a CA and fiercely independent in most of my personal matters. I hate anybody interfering in my matters even prior to my marriage..

But I kept quiet and put up with my MIL' s interference since ours was an arranged marriage and wanted to take time to settle down..For the first one year of my marriage I dint have a kid..My MIL even went to the extent of asking me what I was doing with my husband in the bedroom shutting the doors when not even having a child..this is just an example..I have suffered numerous such embarassing questions/similar tortures which are not even worth mentioning..

Now this morning I just casually mentioned to my MIL over phone that my parents are coming to the airport to see me and the kid..we will be going to stay with my inlaws - so, my parents are planning to come to the airport to receive us..To this, my MIL says - let them see the baby after a week when the birthday is..she talks and puts it so euphemestically as though she doesnt want them to come so that it might be tiring for them to travel at wee hours of the morning..I am so deeply hurt and cannot reconcile why MIL has to dictate when my parents should see my daughter..they are equally fond of playing with the baby..Another worry is that she is coming with me for 6 months and will start taking over all household chores..am not even employed after my baby was born and this is something I am so tensed of thinking what I will do when she is here.. prada replied. MILs are always indifferent in their ways on how they treat their DILs and her parents.Most often MILs those who have' nt enjoyed much supremacy as a wife ,are sure to dominate their DILs.They just want to take over unmindful of the fact that they are old enough to behave in such a manner.My MIL just straight away complains about me to my husband in my absence and enjoys it all when my husband equally reacts.I' ve done a lot to them in times of trouble and necessity but still my MIL is always ready to nag or pull my leg before my husband.My husband himself is so tired of all the nagging that he stopped reacting to her complaints.She never cares even if we turn bitter towards each other instead enjoys watching it.My husband does' nt even understand that he' s himself ruining the peace of his life.
Regarding your problem that your MIL may take over in-charge,I say not to worry.It won' t be that easy if you try managing things systematically. Try to wake up a little early to take over the kitchen.Try finishing the work before your baby wakes up so that you don' t need to depend on your MIL for anything.See what' s your MIL' s aspect of interest in life-like listening to favourite music or watching movies or doing some creative works,or visiting temples etc.Get that interesting stuff infront of her and see her fully engaged in the work.But don' t get yourself tired up doing all the chores yourself.If you really can' t manage try giving her some time-taking work like cutting veggies,kneading atta etc.for which she may prefer siiting at a place and doing.Be kind to her and do some friendly gossip.At the same time be stubborn when you feel she is trying to take over but never be rude.By being so your relationship with your husband grows and that is what all of us wish for.Good Luck. R replied. Hi Kala,

As you mentioed in your post that she didn' t allow you in her kitchen. You do the same thing when she comes here. You be in-charge of your kitchen(even when you go to buy groceries). But try to be polite(with a smile on your face) to tell her to take rest or play with your kid and enjoy those moments or something like that. Let her help you, but don' t let her be in-charge. Don' t ask her what should you cook you decide yourself. Also make things which they like.

Do not change your daily routine.
Show them you can handle household very well.

Good luck.