Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi
i am sorry for not paying lot of attention to your comments.acutully i am confused i don,t know whether some pepole r trying to help me or just try to prove a point to others about there intelligence.but i appericate your and seemas tips a lot.i know wht u r talking about.my husband loves when i dress up nicely.but my problem is i can,t dress up nicely all the time.i have two toddlers.elder one is 2and a half and the younger one is just year old.i have to run behind them,change there daipers,feed them and while doing all this even i get messed up.but in the night before he comes home i take a nice bath wear good fancy nightys.my husbands problem is comunication.he does not talk to me a lot.when he comes back from work he is so tried that he wants to eat and go to bedroom and wwatch tv.and when i tell him y don,t he talk to me for little while instead of watching tv and he tells me u go out work for 10hrs and then i will see how much u talk to me after coming home.now a ddays he get anoyed with me for little things.i don,t want to change myself cause i am always like that and once upon a time he loved me for wht i am.i think seema is right i have to give him little spaces and wait for the right time.and regarding drving i decided to practice more and get going.keep in touch sunshine. Sweet Sunshine replied. Hi Priti,
Now there's a bit of a confusion, there's two sunshine's out here, so i changed by nick to sweet sunshine.
Well, Priti, in response to your thoughts, I have to agree 100% with bhavna. Today's work is pretty draining.. My hubby too comes home at 11 in the night, since i get up at like 4:45 i sleep by 10..can u imagine, i hardly see his face anymore coz of our stupid schedules... but those times when i am awake, i too have noticed that he hates being asked about his work and day when he comes home. he just wants to chill out quietly. so i sit with him while he changes his clothes and grabs a bite.. but i don't ask him anything..instead i keep talking.. not about our relationship or whats bothering me... but just simple titbits about our family.. that i spoke to this aunt and she sends her love, or we've been invited for this dinner..or i spoke my mom..and whatever.. sometimes he doesn't even reply.. i try not to mind coz u have to understand that he is exhausted. and the way a man reacts to exhaustion and a woman reacts is different. we women like to relax with some soft music, wine (for those who drink) or affectionate conversation.. but a man wants to sit, not talk and just stare at the TV screen. coz for a man, \";emotions\"; are exhausting. so let him chill. just sit next to him like seema & bhavna have suggested.. maybe hold his hand or lay your head on his shoulder or rest his head on your shoulder...you will see when he's ready, he will start talking.
All the best love,
and take care.
Just don't let things get to you..
love,
sweet sunshine bhavana replied. its really sad that your problem was overshadowed by some ugly nasty fights instead of trying to help you with your problem.I couldn't be of much help last time just wanted to help, though this message is for sunshine i just wanted to help too.All the best dear. bhavana replied. I also do agree with seema's and sunshine's views.You need to give a little space in your relationship,and also being self reliant by learning to drive a car is a really good move.But I think once your kids do grow up a little say school age then you may get a little more time to breathe easy.Its difficult now and I understand that.
But since your husband is busy travelling while you are stuck with no relatives,no friends and totally on your own looking after your kids,women tend to lose themselves in this whole other life where they they start forgetting about themselves and their own needs.
As seema said give your hubby his space but also whenever he comes home don't go to the kitchen and spend time over there,when he is with the kids be with him,talk about what your kids did.I don't know if you like this when he is away try to record your kids little stuff for your husband and also record your message to your husband by saying we love you and we miss you.You know fun stuff like that.
You can just put on light make up say like eyeliner,and lipstick and leave it at that,say whenever your babies are asleep try to relax yourself by getting into a relaxing bath in the tub etc anything just pamper yourself.
Also its a fact that work today is really brain draining and your husband might be really tired and he just wants to relax,but not communicating with you I know is pretty lonesome and frustrating.But still don't nag him,during dinner ask him about his work and friends.That itself might actually surprise him initially but will also make him feel a little happy that you are concerned about his work .
But even the fact that once you learn to drive on your own you could pick up small gifts for your husband and keep it in places where he sees them or usually sits is a great fun thing to do.
Bring back some romance into your life,for a change you take the initiative and anyway bring back the passion that was once yours and your hubby's.
It is tough I know but you can win his interest back.Only you can.
About the make up try and put it on immediately after a bath .
Hope I have been of help.If some idea comes up I will let you know and do let us know how your life shapes up.Will also pray for you dear.