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Hi,I am having problems with my in laws from day 1.Now it is almost 8 yrs still it continues.
Mil will try to poison son' s mind by crying and telling that my parents are saying this and that about them ( she will make sure to say it in a way that son is provoked like ==why should they call us ,we are poor peope they have lot of money,we are uncultured u know something which will make his Blood pressure go high and he will start gali galouching my parents.

Her tricks are to always tell about my parents in third person like so and so was telling that they heard my parents saying such and such things about them. So that that thing can never be confirmed.OR so and so person was going on the bus and somebody was telling such things about my parents.

When I was pregnant with my daughter she created so much mis understandings by saying things like my father said my husband cannot take care of me .They want me to deliver at my own home not where my husband was working because he is incapable of handling such things .A total lie. This and lot of other things created so many problems that my husband did not contact me for 2 whole years,did not come to see child also at hospital.After wards he called me and I joined him. But I have not forgotten that time.

She did the exact same thing with devrani ,when she went to parents house for delivery,she poisoned son' s mind,he too did not go to look at the child' s face.

All this she is doing out of insecurity ,what if son' s do not care about me ,get happily involved with wife and their children.If I continue to create problems they will not be happy with their wives and will always be in my pallu.

After the pregnancy issue ( it has been 7 yrs now),I do not talk to them,only when FIL will come to my house in Pune I will talk bare minimum.MIL never comes she is afraid if she leaves younger DIL with son she will call her sister or someone and they will influence son.

The problem is my daughter is 7 yrs,I want to go for 2nd child but in my heart am very scared what she will do this time.When I am pregnant I won' t be mentally strong to control her.Because of this I have avoided 2nd issue.
Even husband is scared all those problem will come up again.Now in his heart he knows everything about her ways.He will even tell them ,Don' t do all these things you will suffer while dying .

I am determined to go for 2nd issue come what may.I am in US so things are little better( marginally).I can control what he is listening as he talks on the internet.But I know she will come up with something to create problem. Even husband tells me that in hints.He does not tell clearly.

Time is runnig fast!! Any suggestions. Mel replied. If you want to have a second child, have a second child. Don' t worry about all this. Honestly speaking, I blame your husband. Even if he listened to his mother, as a matured adult, he could have sat and conversed with you about what accusations she made. If he didn' t contact you for 2 years after you had your first child, that is so abnormal.

Is your marriage arranged or was it a love marriage ?

You don' t have to worry about her. You just have to sit with your husband and ask him... whether he has the will-power and the common sense to NOT GET INFLUENCED by her words. And even if he does, that he should check with you and clarify the matter. And if he agrees to this, then go ahead and have the child you are yearning for. Especially since the first experience was ruined thanks to his family members.

Sudha, even my MIL tries playing these games with my hubby. She turns the heat on to anyone who is associated with me... my family, my relatives, even my maids. And since she is my husband' s mother, when she tells him things, for a while even he gets angry. It' s natural that they instinctively believe the woman who gave birth to them. But, he ALWAYS comes and talks to me about it. That way, we clarify all misunderstandings. My MIL is very cunning. If you confront her with anything, she will say that you are lying, my son is lying... she will turn everyone into a liar... But, will never change her behaviour. So, now my husband and I have an understanding.... HE meets them as often as he wants... spends as much time with them, as he wants. But, he never forces me to meet them, and I will never let him make my son meet them in my absence. Otherwise she will start poisoning my son' s mind too. She can spew as much venom as she wants. But, when my husband comes back home, he tells me everything. And we clarify whatever needs to be clarified BETWEEN US. We don' t confront her, because it is a futile exercise.

My advice to you is the same. Let him meet her, talk to her, whatever, But, he should come back and tell you everything. (MIND YOU.... HE WILL ONLY DO THIS IF YOU DO NOT GET ANGRY... DO NOT BE JUDGEMENTAL, AND DO NOT USE IT AGAINST HIM IN THE FUTURE). If you do this, he will NEVER discuss the truth with you EVER AGAIN.

So, encourage him to tell you whatever they discussed, listen calmly and quietly. And at the end of the conversation, clarify whatever is not true. And tell him that you don' t want him to fight with his mother for this behaviour, but to just be aware of what she tries to do. As long as he is aware, you have no issues.

Wish you all the best. And don' t control what they talk on the internet. Let them talk as much as they want, but encourage him to share the details with you himself.