Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi friends....i am a new comer on the circuit and have a very unique problem to share with you all and im hoping someone will be able to help me with it.....
i am from a financially comfortable family and have always lead a sheltered life with my father working and my mother a house wife. this is the way i wished to lead my life as well.

my husband's family on the other hand had a very traumtic and impoverished past and they had to struggle with life for money and everything. my husband is a bright man and he managed to get the family out of the financial problems after his father's death. he has had to struggle ard for everything in life and was not very comfortably placed as far as finances are concerned.
even after our wedding 5 years ago we had to face a tough time but now we are comfortable financially.....

my problem is my husband wants me to work and earn some thing for the family. he doesnt want the family to depend solely on him and asks that i share the burden....which is not wrong to an extent....but i have a problem with the reason behind his saying so....

he thinks that ihave had a fun ride so far with my family taking care of things when he had to struggle with life. he tells me ...\";tumne bahut aish kar li hai ab thoda kaam karo\";
its as if he wants me to have to face all the problems he has faced in his life.....
i do not understand why he is like this...is he jealous of my background and the fact that i havent had to face tough times.....??
arent husbands supposed to be happy that they are supporting their family comfortably ????
i cant help it if my childhood has been problem free..touchwood.
why is he doing this ?
can anybody help me to think straight about this situation and tell me if im wrng or right to think this way ??? shreya replied. First and foremost let me answer your query,NO your hubby is not jealous about your financial background at all.
Let me give you his angle,your hubby has had to take on the responsibilities of a mature person very early on in his life,normally during the age that he should have been carefree and enjoying a little with his friends like how we had .
if you look from his point of view after 5 yrs of marriage he only has you to remove his frustration,he can't do it with his mom(also since she has nobody to share her life with,meaning your fil).
It can be very much traumatising for him ,maybe he is tired.
Yes I can understand from your point of view how you feel,as being a woman myself,it is pretty harsh and hmm as I may add little insensitive.
Maybe you could give him your moral and emotional support like say for instance,ask him how is day at office was ,or ask him to share his fun stuff he did at his office or anything that you would know better definitely to ask.
Assure him that you are more than willing to share his burden with him(WHICH we know you are already).
Be nice to him and more loving dear.
You know sometimes growing up too fast can roughen up people a little and really tired.
You don't have to worry dear,you guys are fine.
All the best. rammi replied. hi,
I think you are right from your side but i dont understand what is the problem in working? Though u r finacially sound now..just work for the sake of your husband. So that he may think that you listen to him and supporting him. These small small adjustments make big differences in long lasting relationship. you can quit the job after sometime if you wish. Whatever the life u led before marriage is past..now you should think of your present and future. I strongly feel there is nothing wrong in working if hubby wants you to. good luck. dips replied. Dear homely,
I dont feel u r alone to get these doubts on hubby.

I too faced similar type of situations from my hubby...but he used to cut down my small small habits which I got from my parents home which doesnt cost himm more than Rs.10 .

I was from well being family and his family had to suffer in the past though now they r sound.

Still my in laws tell indirectly my hubby to cut down my expenses like buying dresses frequently for festivals...etc..
Know what I never been without a new dress for any festival till date IO got married.
But after getting married my hubby didnt buy a new saree(though I requested ) for the first bigg festival . Because he wanted to make me adjust to everything.

But ,the thing I want to make them realise is...I got married to their family by seeing their present status and my parents wished I would live entire life with my simple needs to be fulfilled.
But how justice it is to make me to adjustable to their past life while they r n'joying their new status while buying clothes and gold?!!
But luckily we came here and he changed alot and almost realise what I meant.
But when I remember those days I simply feel like crying because I didnt n'joy precious newly married days because of these things.

I believe parents should get married to their daughters to almost similar kind of families.Or these diffeences in families last for ever.

Once , I said him only one thing...we didn't know that I'm going backward after marriage. My parents just saw present status and thought suitable match.Or else they wouldn't have spared my life....Even u too took much dowry pretending rich people,So we thought IO can live better life than in childhood. But we were wrong in expecting.

Those words hurt his EGO and made him to behave normal.Now he has no such feelings but still has feel that my parents r like waste-spening peaople. doesnt have money-planning etc...

That doesnt bother me because he is looking after me well. Thas enough now.

That was the case ,dear.I told this because wanted to let u know U R NOT ALONE.