Relationships  Discussion Forum

hi friends,
my hubby is a professional and earns quite well. i have a brother-in-law who stays in a separate house in Madhya Pradhesh with his fly and not doing so well. He has his business which doesnt run so well. I stay with my inlaws..Now whenever my in laws r in need of money to pay the bills(grocery, telephone, this that)...they always make my hubby pay it. My hubby without a uttering a word pays it..howmuch ever they ask for. my ma-in-law holds a lot of get together, cooks a lot..and the rest of the things r thrown away..theres so much of wastage happening..this pricks. Once i told my hubby to see that he saves some money regularly and should not spend so much..but he replies saying..do not interfere in money matters. also he says m i keeping u deprived of anything? (which he is not).sometimes i think he is right..coz my brother also pays all bills at my mummy-daddy's place and then i think..if he doesnt pay..how will my old dad be able to manage so much of expenses at this stage...
My brother-in-law doesnt send anything to his mom day(my inlaws) coz he wants us to understand that his business doesnt run well...and at times my fil send money to him if he runs into losses as he has to take care of his fly and a little kid who is my inlaws favourite? I dont know all these questions that come into my mind r correct or not? can anyone help me???/ Tensed replied. Hi jayashree,
U must have read the reply given by 'worried'. She's right. If u dont have any problem with ur husband or inlaws except the money part, then dont worry so much about it. As u urself have said that he earns quite well, its okay if he shares the burden of his parents. There is a problem only if he does not save anything for ur future and spends each and every penny on ur in-laws. If this is the case, then u have to talk to him when he is in a good mood and explain to him that you would like him to save for ur future too. But if he is already saving for both of you, then dont worry, its okay to spend little on his parents too. About ur brother-in-law, it might be possible that he feels bad he cannot send any money to his parents but he cant do anything abt it as u have mentioned his business is not running well. So ur husband feels its his duty to take care. So be happy and dont try not to spoil ur relations with ur husband and in-laws. Worried replied. Dear Jayshree

Hi just to remove any doubts I am also a DIL and a very harrased one at that! But I think that if you are comfortable and your husband is doing well and is not depriving you of anything then where is the problem...?

You are living with your in-laws and you have a hubby who is extremely well off and you have a brother who actually looks after his parents (they are yours as well) and you are OK with that then why the problem if your husband is looking after his parents. If you find there is a lot of wastage in food etc then you take charge.... but very gently like you would with your parents!

I mean when there is no other problem in your house then why are you creating one for yourself.......??? Think it over and ask yourself whether you would like your chidren to not look after you when you are older?

Look I know it is very nice to put all this on paper but every DIL has a problem when her husband looks after his parents or offers them monetary help! It is understandable......you want to be more in control etc. But please understand that your husbands parents have also gone thru the trials and tribulations of being a parent to him. They feel they can look up to him today and live a comfortable life. Would you want to take that away from them? I'm sure if you ask yourself all these questions you will feel more satisfied that you are looking after old parents .

Do look at it this way and you will feel good about what you are doing for them. I believe that there is only that much your destiny has in store for you and if you try to grab too much even that which is not meant for you it will go away somewhere else so why not take the satisfaction of having looked after the elders in your own family!

Hope I have not sounded too harsh but do think about this and the answers will come to you by themselves.