Relationships  Discussion Forum

Hi friends pl read my problem and suggest you' ve always been a help in those very bad days.Thanks again. MM replied. Mine and your stories are very similar except that in your acse it MIL and in my case its FIL and SIL combination.

My SIL is a gynae, stays with my FIL in his house with her 2 children.Her husband comes over for the weekend.My FIL pays for all her expenses though hi is retired. SIL' s hubby takes even a mosquito repellent from my FIL' s house.I had stayed in that house for my delivery.She made my life hell there. She told lies to my FIL that I had asked her to leave the house etc.The outcome was she got a share in property, though she is rich from her FIL' s side. All relatives from her inlaws side come to visit her at my FILs place.
My FIL says she is a bechari, her hubby is not a nice person. My FIL also seems to be afraid of her. He will not even talk to me or my son in her presence. It is a very strange thing to say but he is jealous of me and my son i.e his grandson. How is that possible but I have experienced jealuosy at several occassios? So I have stopped going there. My FIL has build a big nursing home for SIL on a plot which he had purchased in my hubby' s name.FIL says my hubby is its owner, but I am not sure about the legal issues.

I have anothe SIL who stays in US with hubby and son. They are very rich and among the 3 siblngs the most well -off. But her hubby even has eye on the property.The scene is that except my hubby everyone wants the share in property. I do not have MIL but 2 very domination SILs and a happy go lucky hubby which is the youngest among the 3.

Any suggestions as to how I should react in this situation? Srey replied. You' re a brave women. I hope you know that. I' ve posted my response on your other thread, so Check it out if you want. I Apologize for the late reply. I' ve been running around like a chicken with it' s head cut off. *laughting* J/K

Actually, I am pleased to see that you have people here to help you during your time of need.(like Ritika) And Yes! This is the main reason why we are here. Helping each other out. *hugs* Ritika replied. Hi Geeta,

Try to find out if there is any other yoga class you can go to...I understand it must be difficult for you to concentrate on yoga when the very people you want to avoid land up there...incidentally, did you tell your SIL about the yoga class?

From next time, be a little aloof and don' t tell them everything that you are doing during the day.

As for your MIL, let me tell you one tip. Think of it this way - You are not here to win a popularity contest. So there is no need for you to be listening to everybody and doing what they say.

Listen to people but finally it should be you who decides what you are going to do...that includes what you do with your time.

For example, your MIL has been given a clean certificate from the doc. So when she again insists on you driving her, tell her firmly that you cannot as you are not feeling well and want to rest. Tell her to ask your SIL or take a cab.

In fact, watch yr SIL carefully. How she interacts with your MIL, what excuses she gives for doing her own thing and not following yr MIL blindly etc. You will get quite an education in learning to stand up for yourself...

People who are selfish and mean...will never appreciate you when you are all goody goody with them. The moment you start ignoring them and living your own life, they realize that they cannot take you for granted and start to appreciate you.

It is up to you to guide others on how to treat you. You can either be meek and subservient and let people walk all over you. Or decide that you are worth more and you deserve a life that is more enriching. Make your happy moments. Don' t wait for fate to bring it to you (translation, don' t think that your MIL, SIL are going to have a change of heart suddenly and will start treating you nicely). Talk to them normally but if any of them treats you badly, then just stop talking to them. Listening to them take advantage of you or ridicule you and keeping quiet would in fact be a tacit admission that their behavior is acceptable. Don' t do that in future. Stand up and speak up. You don' t need to be rude or shout/scream, but you can be firm in your tone and voice and that can be very effective.

As I said before, go out for outings with your husband and kid on the weekends. When you go to the meditation or yoga class, make friends there..go for a coffee after the class and talk about sundry stuff. Your loneliness will decrease.

One last suggestion. This is something that works for me. Have you tried any dance/aerobics class? Those are really, really fun and you feel all energized after doing it. If you have never tried it, then try it today. Put on some music and start dancing in your room. I' m sure it will relieve some of your tension instantly.

Also, don' t give guilt trips to others. Example rather than telling your husband that \" you don' t take me anywhere\" or \" you don' t do anything romantic\" , make the effort to do whatever you want to do and involve yr husband in it.

Try to ignore yr MIL and SIL and don' t give them too much importance in your life. You had a life before you met them..and you have one without them. Don' t give them so much control over you. It is not worth it.

Take care and promise to yourself that 2008 will be a happier year for you.

love,
Ritika Ritika replied. Dear Geeta,

Your MIL and SIL love to make you miserable, don' t they. Seems as if they love to pick up a fight and then they get to shout and scream and feel wonderful about it.

How are you coping on the husband front? Are you still doing a lot of household work? Or are you getting some rest??

The thing is there is very little you can change about your MIL or SIL. I don' t know why they are behaving this way and I don' t care. What I do care about is for you not to get so upset over them.

Knowing yr SIL' s nature - that she gets upset if someone intrudes her space (she might be considering the entire 2nd flr as her personal space and did not like a servant coming up without her permission...I don' t know..am guessing here..), I would seriously not interact with her much. Send yr servant up when your husband is present in the house (so he can hear what is happening).

I don' t think there is any law about 2nd flr people owning the terrace specially since its supposed to be one house and one family.

Have you thought about moving out from this atmosphere? Frankly I do not see one positive thing for you to stay there. Your kid is not looked after by yr MIL. She goes to day care. In fact she hears you get abused by her grandmom. She sees her mother getting depressed...it must be really hard for her...

Can you talk to your husband about living separately? When there are too many vessels in a basket, there is bound to be noise. If there were few vessels, there wouldn' t be so much of drama and tension.

Lastly, try not to think about stuff like who drew on the walls or who threw things on the balcony. Focus on the bigger issues - like did I smile today, did I have a nice conversation with my hubby, did I work on my hobby today...etc etc.

As for all the stuff that gets thrown on yr balcony, just quietly go and pick it up and put it in a box in yr room. Then donate it to charity if the claimants do not apologize and claim it in 2 weeks. As for your MIL. Just stop talking to her. There is no need for you to listen to her abuse. When she starts abusing, tell her to mind her language and then walk away.

Also, plan more outings with your husband...go out on vacation more often..in fact do it every weekend so that you don' t spend it at home with yr MIL and SIL.

take care...