Relationships  Discussion Forum

Dear Amma,

My problem is related to My Mother- in - law.

It has been seven years to my marriage and we have one child. We had an inter-caste love cum arranged marriage, with the agreement of parents from both side.

I am also working, while both my parents-in-law stay at home. My MIL takes care of my child when I am at work, with the help of a maid.

To explain her nature to you... she is very clever, expert in all household work, very observant (nothing ever escapes her attention)... beneath all this I know she has a good heart and loves her son dearly... I would easily give here credit for whatever my husband has achieved today... or his entire character (which is wonderful and I love). Problem may even lie in me... I am not that expert in hosework, athough I try my best to fit in within the limited hours I have at home... I am also not very expressive about my emotions/ thoughts or and clearing up any misunderstanding.

What I dont like about her is that she is extremely proud and sometimes, arrogant about herself, her anestors and her work habits... she tends to look down upon me and sometimes my relatives (in a subtle manner)... and in case of any argument, has several times brought back the entire episode where she agreed to an inter-caste marriage because of her son.

She comments on the way I do things and easily gets offended many times when I dont even know what I have done... I try to be careful, but probably not enough.

Initially into our marriage, we had a few \" sessions\" where she clearly explained what all problems she had with me and said that its always best to clear things... but from what I have learnt so far is that it is best to keep silent.. talking and trying to clear would only make matters worse for me. She is an amazing vocalist and can be always politically correct. My hubby is very understanding and supportive and on several occassions expalined her to me or me to her, but also gets upset easily when he senses that things are not cordial between the two of us. We had both rather avoid bringing him in any argument.

I am looking for a way to deal with her... please advise.
Warm Regards Manee replied. Hi,

after reading your story it felt like i am reading my own story. I am also looking for a better way to deal with the situation here but not able to find till now. It seems to take a toll on my confidence(i kind of look for approval on things i do at home). I have recognized it lately and putting efforts to overcome with these feelings. At work, I handle a team of 10-12 people very well.. doing good in my carrier and get appreciation , but at home front i really don' t know how to mould things in a workable way.

Diya replied. Mother in laws are Monster in laws,sorry dear we all are helpless gg replied. my mil nature is just like urs...but she wont house work ...she will make others do n when we do something nicely she will bring out probs in that ...n she has a very bad habit of praising herself..she denset praise herself only when she is sleeping ...
u do your best n since ur husband is understanding then what else you want...4get about her ..
n just royally ignore her...let her help you in work its a good thing coz some mil they jsut dump everything on ur head n they will sit n watch u juggling with ur work..
my mil will do one thing but she will tell u 100 times that this is what she did for u....previously i use to do everything on my own ....
but my sil use to take her help...she gv me this idea she explained to me let her say anything jsut ignore her ...but u take help from every1 ...its stupid of u ...that u do all the work alone ..its better to listen what she is saying than do all the work alone ...get tired ig nore ur husband ...baby ...
now i myself praise her ..u wont believe she helps me a lot in work ..atleast i get time to rest... Minu replied. Most of us are sailing in the same boat.Try new tactics everyday to deal with such people